Thanks for the kick in the pants. I'm going jogging right now and I will dust off the snow shoes. Actually I'm spending the night Tuesday on a sailing ship in San Francisco bay that was built in the 1800's. It's a field trip I'm chaperoning for my daughter's class where the kids become the crew. It will be lots of fun. Ok so I was whining but it's not the same as the summer when it's warm and comfy. I took up snow shoeing just so I can hike year around but really it's the Sierra summers that I miss this time of year. If I could afford it I would spend summers in the southern hemisphere. Well I about to go out in shorts and a t-shirt but it's cool today in California and we are only expecting 58 degrees today. Well the sun is out so I'm going out as well so I can play a little before kickoff.
WOW!!!! This sounds almost EXACTLY like what has happened to me this last 2 months. I met someone here 2 years ago who was from Canada. We were both going through seperations and divorces and came here for support. We started as friends and eventually in July 03 got engaged. Now she backed out 2 months ago. I think I probably did rush her. Totally my mistake.
I wish things could have worked out, but as in your post, I didn't heal properly after my divorce. I will miss her and I do hope she is healing and finding her own happiness.
I completely agree that you have to heal before you can move on. There are so many people who are advising me to find someone else right away so I can forget her. That's just dumb advice. First I don't want to repeat the same mistakes over and over again and second I don't want to forget her. I don't want to feel like the last 2 years were just wasted. I did love her, and still do a bit.
Great advice for all those here. A new relationship will help ease the pain but it isn't healthy unless you are! Are you?
SO! Who here is from Colorado or the area and would like to get together for a DB Christmas party? Bueller, Bueller, Anyone, Anyone? The holidays probably suck for most of us here so wouldn't it be nice to get together for an evening to be around some people who DO understand? Come on, I know you do!
Dulcie: I try to just type on this BB and NOT correct my typos! I still see them - and fight the urge! I laughed when I read your unmade bed story! Now I am off to continue my day - hoping I screw up something so I can feel healthy and whole! LOL!!
Apeman: I am sorry that you are having so much thrown at you at once. But you are right - it is all about perspective. Nothing external has changed in my life since The X left - I have had employment instablity added to the mix. But I can relate to what you say about feeling stronger. I have my moments but I am not as easily overwelmed.
That is scary that your daughter's teacher is a child molester. Wow, so many variables when it comes to protecting your kids. Now you have to think twice about the places where you thought your child was safe.
I hope your Dad's surgery goes well. I read earlier about the choices you made about your job so you could spend time with your daughter. You are right, your daughter just has one childhood - it is great that you are making her a priority. The economy strangely enough seems to actually be turning a bit especially compared to a year ago - good luck with your job hunt.
Life still throws its surprises at you - but lately I have had a general feeling that all in all - things aren't too bad.
Buster: The FPDRBH club for short - I love it! I hope we don't have to start a second PDR hurts even more club! LOL! There were moments in my FPDR wher I wondered what we would talk about once our D gunk was behind us!
I hear you about meeting people. I have become sensitive to where I can see baggage in others. I know we all have baggage - I am just too afraid to think about what I am going to be able to handle - and if they will be able to handle mine! I feel like I have way too much information these days! Hard to believe that I actually M just for love at one time! Or was it infatuation! LOL!
It's been a while! I just happened to sign on and come across this post. I also met someone on this board and we became very close. It was friendship at first and then he ended up driving out here to meet me and we hit it off and he moved here. I think that things moved way too fast and that he just kind of went into shock and didn't know what to do. He gave up all that he knew to come here and be with me.
That ended two years ago and I'm just now getting over it and moving on. It shocked me that it took me that long to get over this and yet in less than a year I was putting my marriage behind me. I think it was due to the fact that we completely bared ourselves to each other on here and in person and noone had ever known me the way that he did.
I'm glad to see that I am not the only one that went through this. It's just amazing to see how many others have gone through it also.
It has been a long time and I wanted to stop by say hi and when you get back to Colorado to see your brother I would definitely love to meet up with you! You drive your convertible and let your hair swish in the mountain air.
Take care my friend and it is good to see you doing so well!
I just got out of my first post divorce relationship. The person was someone I met here, we were "together" over 2 years and to be honest the pain of this breakup was much more than my divorce. Maybe because it started even before my divorce so I never had that much time to feel pain because of the divorce or because by the time my wife left there just wasn't any love left or maybe I did love her that much. I don't know, but I do know the pain of this breakup is something terrible.
In the last 3 years, I've lost my wife, an insanely well paying job, my mother(past a year ago) and now my fiancee. The loss of my fiancee has hurt the most.
I moved too fast and I feel terrible that both of us are hurting because of it. We really were great friends before it all started and I will miss that part as much as the romantic relationship.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I understand and feel the same way.
I saw your post above and wanted to let you know I live in the Denver area also and if you do get a group together for a Christmas gathering I would love to join you all.
Maybe we should start a thread in the Just For Fun Forum and see what happens.
Alone Again and New Beginnings - thanks for sharing your special story as well. Because of what happened - does that cause you to be skeptical of meeting others from the board or do you approach things differently or more cautious perhaps when wanting to open your lives up?
I have been on the board a long time - 4 years - and know how easy it is to become close friends with people here - ones I couldn't have made to this point without.
Thanks again and I wish you both a fabulous holiday - it can if you allow it to happen!
Missy, Long time since I have heard from you! I need to sit down and e-mail you. As far as your questions, I think I am a little more leery about relationships. But I figure if I take things slowly and get to really know someone then there may be a chance. I learned a lot from the relationship that went bad and I wouldn't change it. I don't have a fear of opening up because I think you have to have that in any relationship if it is going to survive so, I guess you just keep taking chances. I have not really met anyone else from the board except in a group setting or as a friends only. I am afraid that getting involved with anyone else from the board and having it not work, causes a little bit of tension. I know that the person I was with doesn't post anymore and I feel like I took his support group from him. I hope that he is doing well and wish him nothing but happiness. I have made many wonderful friends here and have even been fortunate enough to meet a few of them in person. You are one of them and I always appreciate reading your posts and the advice you give! I will try to drop you a line here! And you are right Christmas and any other day is what we make of it. I know it will be a great Christmas! And I hope that you do too! Take care, Patty
I know you didn't ask me but I was wondering about your question...
Quote: Because of what happened - does that cause you to be skeptical of meeting others from the board or do you approach things differently or more cautious perhaps when wanting to open your lives up?
Having had my own crash and burn R with a fellow DB'er - I find myself wondering if R's are tougher when it is with someone from the BB b/c you start the R knowing so much about each other! Maybe my expectations were higher b/c I really exposed so much of myself - and that made me all the more vunerable. The whole R seemed so mixed up from the beginning. We knew so much - but had to mechanically work on lowering expectations and trust levels to reasonable levels given that we were in the very early stages of an R - the different aspects of the R felt very much out of sync.
The DB'er I was involved with had been posting on the BB for a long time. I started to and then actually made a decision to not read his old posts. I wanted to get to know him as a person at a slower pace. I did not want our D's and D related pain to be the focus of our R.
Perhaps the pace of a non-DB has its pluses. You get to know each other slowly and confide in each other as your trust in each other slowly grows.
I am not shutting myself off to or actively looking for the possibility of an R with a DB'er - but I am much more cognizant of the fact that dating a DB'er has it own set of complications! One of them for me being that the R seems to move forward so quickly that it is a challenge to keep it in check.
