Starting a new thread. The short story of the last 3-4 weeks is I'm finally letting my guard down as far as feeling the loss. I didn't think I was, but I was absolutely keeping myself so busy that I didn't have time to feel any pain. This 2nd separation / D has been much more confusing than the 1st. 10 years ago, it was just pure pain for several months. While it was more painful, it was a fairly simple process. It was inescapable pain for that amount of time, and then a lightning bolt hit me and I never felt an ounce of pain from it again.
This time, I knew I was going to be okay from the very beginning, just because I'd been through it before. But I think that led to me prematurely thinking I was already okay when I wasn't. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm back on track to doing it. Not drinking since Jan 1 has helped (outside out of a pre-planned bachelor party...and while I'll spare the details, that was a mess for me. I was good for most of the day, but towards the end, I went a little crazy, I think because it was my "one day to drink" and really acted dumb. Had to send out apology texts to the guys the next day. But lesson learned, I really don't need alcohol in my life at least until I've processed this).
Gym is still going great. I'm currently on a cut and have lost 12 pounds. It's mostly water weight, but I still feel great, and I actually know what I'm doing right now. I'm eating in a calorie deficit but am loving the diet. I've learned a ton from youtube in the last couple months. I'm even getting to finish the day with a big meal and then a medium-sized bowl of my favorite sugary cereal.
Kids are great. D11 is in band and is improving at flute every day. S2 is a ball of fun. WAW and I took him to a farm machinery show this past weekend. He is obsessed with all types of vehicles, farm equipment, trains, etc. Seeing giant machines with wheels taller than his dad send him into orbit. He ran around the show for 2 hours and passed out as soon as he was back in his carseat.
I'll post an update about W when I get a chance. Have to get back to work right now.
Nicely done with the diet. And feeling good about it.
Glad to see S2 (and you ) had a great time looking at farm machinery. Yes, a couple of hours of such fun and he’d be out like a light on the ride home. Wonderful to read that daughter is in band. I’m sure she finds it enjoyable. Music is a fantastic skill and life’s companion.
It’s good to see you letting your guard down and more embracing the loss. Grief comes in waves, and is not linear. Different facets of one’s loss will emerge from the shroud of denial as one gain the bandwidth to process them. Therefore, one is in many stages of grief simultaneously. Some things we are depressed about, others angry, and others we are bargaining and struggling to squeeze them into that old feeling of norm. Some stuff we have found acceptance with and others we don’t even realize yet. All perfectly normal progress.
Originally Posted by Card29
I think that led to me prematurely thinking I was already okay when I wasn't. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm back on track to doing it.
Good for you.
And I agree, limiting or even alcohol-free allows better processing and journeying through one’s grief.
Have a great day Card.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
But lesson learned, I really don't need alcohol in my life at least until I've processed this
Right there with you. I've been using an app called Reframe that I highly encourage you to try - it provides a way to track progress and also gives you daily lessons on what alcohol does to your brain. A complete eye opener for me that has changed my relationship with drinking.
) had a great time looking at farm machinery. Yes, a couple of hours of such fun and he’d be out like a light on the ride home. Wonderful to read that daughter is in band. I’m sure she finds it enjoyable. Music is a fantastic skill and life’s companion.