I have been sticking to communicating with W about S21 and bills.
Then this ongoing thing which has nothing to do with above in the same post
Originally Posted by rockon
I have made it clear she talks to me before removing things from our home. I have also helped move some things for her with my truck. I had previously mentioned I could deliver the spare bed to her when
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
Sometimes when I respond to a fb marketplace ad, the seller offers to deliver but I have a truck and I like to check the item out before laying down my money .
Being Mr Nice Guy has its pros and cons Rockon.. The kids see you as an amicable person towards her, which is actually a positive thing.. But, the soon to be ex will/can take advantage of your niceness.. I know this is spoken often.
When I was single, a hot girl asked me to buy her a drink. I told her absolutely...after you buy me one...she said I like your style....
Other guys will buy women drinks all night...this supplicating behavior turns them into friend zone guys....
Originally Posted by Rockon
W told me she got herself a bed frame and wants the spare bed so I will deliver and get a replacement bed. I am staying on track
So what did W do for you in exchange?
A friend of mine would go on a first date with a woman. He would go to her door, unlock it, hold it open, let her get in, then close it. He would then go to the driver side. If the girl had not reached over and unlock the door, it was the last date with her.
I have women friends that tell me how pathetic a guy is when they are always doing what they ask. They are not a challenge and loose any type of attraction they have for them.
There is a time and place to do nice things for women without expecting something in return. There are other times when both parties need to be giving to the other. During the DB process, it is extremely important to use logic and determine new ways of behaving that increases your SMV.
I think the only way I would have delivered the bed if it was accompanied with everything else that was "hers" from the house.
Rock, Does your W get angry? How do you respond? Go read Gekko's thread. He is the best example of a poster that arrived here without Mr Nice Guy Issues.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I have been working to not be “nice”. So 180 is I am not offering to help her and her M with stuff they aren’t looking for help with. Not trying to fix things. And I’m not being available generally. And I’m not going over there. Now if they ask for help with something or if they are in need (just like if anyone - like for example my neighbor - is in need), I want to be kind, strong, helpful and generous within my means.
But I need to make sure I am looking after myself, my home and our family. And I am not presenting a “nice guy” front to wife where anything goes and I’m needy. We own our home and assets together. If she would like something or wants to use a pot or needs a bed and I don’t need it she can have it. I have not given her our marital bed. I am in our home, in our bedroom and in our bed and I’m looking after our home.
I have moved her stuff out and she has been making sincere efforts to work together with me on our S’s needs. And I express my appreciation to her for ways that she is cooperating.
She does get angry for sure. And I validate and reflect that I see she’s angry and has strong feelings. And I stand up for myself with how I want to be treated. I have made it clear that insulting me and calling me names is not ok.
The other day she got angry and said a bunch of not helpful stuff as she walked out and slammed the door and then sent me a slew of wild texts. I didn’t respond.
You delivering the mattress for her is 100% unnecessary. This is another example of you not listening to advice and than a stream of post with reasons why it’s needed. How it’s really a 180 etc etc etc.
You can’t nice her back, you’ve been told this, you continue to try and you are at the point where you are defending helping her move out. Let that sink in. You’ve niced her right into moving her out and helping her.
It’s your journey, but your actions won’t lead you to your end game goals.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
A friend of mine would go on a first date with a woman. He would go to her door, unlock it, hold it open, let her get in, then close it. He would then go to the driver side. If the girl had not reached over and unlock the door, it was the last date with her.
This is one of those things you need to pay attention too.. I went on a date a few weeks ago. I opened the car door for her, not just because its what should be done, but because it was on a hill too and its a heavy door. When I go to my door it was propped open as she leaned over and pulled the handle.. Simple things like this are important..
