Responding to DnJ: “Is W still living with her Mom? Does W still have free rein of the home? As in, she comes and goes as she pleases?
I suspect she legally still has rights to enter the home. (I’m thinking you spoke to a lawyer regarding the business side of things already.) As such, W could/can borrow things as much as you can.
This pot, she figures is her’s. Yet she asks to borrow it? (Folks don’t ask to borrow their own things. And I’m pretty sure her Mom has cookware.) Then she gets upset, and blames you. No matter how it went, you would have likely been blamed for something”
Me: she is living with MIL yes. And she comes and goes here. I have been standing up for myself for how I will be treated and also supporting D to do the same. The other night D had a big day and W was coming over. D told me she didn’t want W to hang out and asked me to let W know as she was feeling overwhelmed - I did. And I also gave D space and let her know I’m here for her.
W didn’t so much ask to borrow the pot - she just said she was getting it and I asked if she was going to bring it back after she used it. I hadn’t realized that she considered it hers.
Yesterday she brought the issue up again asking what appliances I use. She said if the pot is so important to me then she can take the blender instead. I haven’t answered. She also said that maybe she would want the mattress from our spare room. Because her bed at her moms is not a good one. I had previously said I could bring her that bed from our spare room.
Seemed like she was baiting me to argue a push the D further along. I didn’t take the bait.
I have been going out and being busy and sticking to communicating with W about S21 and bills. I have been cooperative and neutrally relaxed about her using stuff and have made it clear it’s important she talks to me before removing things from our home. I have also helped move some things for her with my truck.
I do like the idea of buying one of my own if I want something she takes. I had previously mentioned I could deliver the spare bed to her when I said I would have to think about her statement “I think I want our (M) bed.”
I’m taking a wee break from running wiring for the wall sconces in the theater room. I’m having an iced tea, some BBQ chips, and doing some reading here.
Originally Posted by Rockon
Seemed like she was baiting me to argue a push the D further along. I didn’t take the bait.
Good for you.
I suspect she is baiting you. Be that intentional or not, and to what end be it divorce or more just testing you and your new and improved self, remains to be determined.
One’s spouse does get antsy and will try to move things along. Limbo affects them as well. The time and space to think and consider their life and the choices made so far, and those yet to be made. Of course, self reflection and growth is somewhat uncomfortable, so an argument or fight would renew their justifications and they could quiet that inner voice.
For what it’s worth, that’s what I think your wife is presently doing. It’s 7 or 8 months and she is only now wanting the bed, or kitchen appliances, or whatever it may be next week. I’ve slept on a bad bed, and I wanted a better one the next night, not 8 months later. IMO, it’s not so much about the bed or things, she is looking for an argument, for a reaction. Continue to not take her bait, after all fighting begets fighting. Stick to your path.
If she brings up the bed, sure give it to her. And go out and get a replacement for it.
(By the way, there is a ten minute window for editing a post. If you exceed that, posting a follow up works just fine. However, if there is something you need altered or removed, you can post the request in your thread or in the Contacting the Moderators thread. We usually drop in several times a day, and poster’s requests are high priority tasks.)
Well, back to my wiring. Have a great day Rock.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Had to google this term....still not clear what differentiates a wall sconce from a wall lamp....
From chatGPT: A sconce is a type of decorative wall-mounted light fixture that typically features a single light source or candle. Sconces are often used to provide ambient or accent lighting in a room and can be made from a variety of materials such as metal, glass, or ceramic. They are typically mounted on a wall and can be found in a range of styles from traditional to modern. Some sconces also incorporate shades or diffusers to direct and soften the light emitted from the fixture.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Yeah, wall lamps and sconces are pretty similar. To me, sconces are mounted flush against the wall and therefore beam the light upward which reflects off the ceiling. That being said, some sconce fixtures have openings in the bottom as well. A wall lamp, again to me, is affixed to the wall, yet the “lamp” part sticks out away from the wall on a post or rod of some sort. I usually define lamp as having a shade as well.
My fixtures are a porcelain quarter sphere (looks like half of a 15” wide bowl) which mounts against the wall. They are mounted high enough so as to not see the bright bulb source from within the fixture. The pewter ceiling shines and casts the light around the room nicely. And looks pretty awesome too.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
W told me she got herself a bed frame and wants the spare bed so I will deliver and get a replacement bed. I am staying on track.
First ball game of the season tonight (I’m a player/coach on a team with both S and D - we played last season and it was a blast). W said she plans to be there to watch at least for a bit with her M tonight. And some of my family will be there.
I’m taking both S out of town this weekend. Been diving into therapy still, doing the homework, working on the home, hanging out with friends. Limiting my interactions with W to necessary stuff about S21 and bills.
W told me she got herself a bed frame and wants the spare bed so I will deliver and get a replacement bed.
Of course you will. Should of told her to come get the bed or have her make arrangements for someone to get the bed. when my wife moved out I told her I not helping. she needed to do that all on her own, and the snowblower broke at her new place. She told me about it. I told her to YouTube it. I’m not her handyman she doesn’t get that when she leaves me and moves out.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
When I sell something on Facebook marketplace, I don’t need anybody in my house either. That’s why I package it up nicely and have it available for them in the garage or load it up for them. My wife who left me gets the same treatment as part of me detaching / 180. No free deliveries. plus I don’t need to deliver things to her to get beer and wings.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
