Mach so you read 3% man. What did you learn from it? Did you implement any of that with your neighbor?
Talk to much, reducing her interest. Be an alpha male, dont make it easy for her to be with you. Make her want to be with you, a fantasy like the romance novels, bit of mystery...for example. If I had read this book a couple to three times before meeting her, and writing, as well as highlighting guidance, I think I would have been better off.. I have always known women are emotional and men are not.. Playing up to the emotion is key I dont always grasp everything in the first read.. He is an arrogant person, but I get what he is saying so far. I didnt implement it, no. Lesson learned. I was being rushed in my mind. See, I was supposed to have left the first/second week of January for the jobs we are now moving on.. So, my mind was in a rush. Sounds silly, but this is how I dated allot during my years in the Navy. Its how things were, as we were not home much..
Not to be Mr Negative, but I am/have been dealing some issues in life, its not an excuse, but it is what it is.
What issues are you referring to here? The whole D situation, or something else?
Good luck tonight. Don't let all this discussion get into your head...just be light/flirty/fun and romantic (not friendly)...go in for a real kiss.
Divorce hasnt affected me like I was expecting. I saw her the other day here, as she came over to get my daughter for dinner ( youngest gets 1 day off a week, and she alternates time with each of us). I felt numb, not a bit of pain. Meidcal issues I have are memory loss frequently that we are trying to run to ground. I had some little head injuries in the service, Docs have been running a battery of tests for a few months. And another issue which is more personal, but, we have a solution to fix it... Thnx BL42. I will be flirty, and just have fun.. If it doesnt feel right and I am not getting feedback, well, it is what it is.. If there is a problem, and she needs to tell me, hope she does. Dont want to this to be dragged out.
I often try to put myself in the situation. That’s good in empathetic ways but can be bad because it assumes that my feelings and history is like the other persons, which it well may not. But combining my history with my knowledge these thoughts come to mind as to why you’ve not escalated during the last 6 weeks and 6 or 7 “dates”
1. You’re not ready for more 2. You’re not feeling it or not attracted to her 3. You’re sensing she’s not attracted or feeling it for you 4. You don’t want to take the risk of being rejected
Or it may be all or portions of the above. But there has to be a reason you tell us you are interested but have gone this far in the friend zone. You must know why.
I can just tell you at times I’ve felt one or more of the above. For me most often it’s #2. I can tell you that when I am and when I initiate more it generally works out - if even just for a short time. I’ve freely admitted I’m more picky than I may deserve to be but you’d be surprised at the reactions you’ll get if you put yourself out there. It’s biological as much as anything. Flirting makes women (and most men) feel good. Anyone that wants to go out 7 times with you within a month is likely interested to at least some level. If she wasn’t she would not keep inviting you out. But look at this from her view, she thinks she’s putting clear signals out there yet she’s getting little response from you. What is she left to think? What would you think if she had taken your face in her hands and given you even a couple second kiss? What would you have come back here and told us? How excited would you have been? It’s the same for her and can be the opposite when it doesn’t happen.
It’s time to take a little risk. As LH said you you’ve got nothing to lose at this point. It’s nearly impossible she’s going to respond with “we’ve only been out 7 times how dare you try to kiss me.” The worst is she will say, “I’m sorry I’m just not seeing you that way,” or something like that. But at least you’ll know. Any woman who thinks the 7th or 8th time together is too soon for a kiss… well while I’m sure some might exist, I know I’d not want to date them and I’m not a third date rule guy by any means.
Okay, I think I’ve made my point. I know I’ve tried. Get your head back in the game for tonight.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Sorry so late getting back to everyone. Friday we were given notice to leave to go to Florida for a 6 week job, so, after Saturday I have been going and going as it was a rush job.. I only had one break, and I hit Mardi Gras. Well Saturday, as today is Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday. So, Saturday went well. No sex, no kissing, just came to a solid understanding of what the heck is going on.. I will try to sum this up, give a back ground first. She was married, physically abusive husband. Then moved away to my area of operations, and dated someone who was abusive too. WTH guys, why? Anyways, that was a couple months or so before New Years. She moved from the area she was for a few years over to my neighborhood. Nicer and such. So, she is not looking for someone now. But, she said she really wants to spend time with me, enjoys having me over to her place, drinking wine and such, just wants to slow it down... I am like, hmm.. Orange flag. Not quite red.. So, I know what most will say here, and bail on her and just keep in touch.. But, I am not always a rule follower all the time. I do take advice and analyze it.. There are a few things I really find refreshing with this woman. Family, Italian family values, smart, great career, independent, goal oriented, and pretty good looking to boot. So, she has a few skeletons in her closet. Dont we all.. And Mardi Gras, interesting and fun..
This woman is clearly not ready for a relationship which she says.
Should you continue? Well, if you want to be just friends and not have any expectations of anything more , then be a friend. If you are hoping for something romantic? I would honestly step away. You’ll be left with unbent expectations.
If she said to you nothing will ever happen romantically, but she wants to continue as you are, platonically, would you want to ?
Why does someone get into two abusive relationships in a row? Probably because they grew up in a household where abuse was normalized and they don't have the normal radar to avoid those guys. (Look, I suppose it could happen to anyone once, but twice implies some issues).
And this sometimes means that a normal relationship without drama is not attractive to them. She probably has issues she should be working through with therapy. Probably best for you to just stay in the friend zone and focus your dating efforts elsewhere. Don't try to be the white knight.
