I don't know how to offer irrefutable proof of whether I am actually a 1%er, but I can prove I'm not Traveler. Here goes: "LH, I'm sorry. You were right. And I was wrong. If anything I said or did caused you offense, I apologize. Please forgive me."
Ugggg! That should have been included. It’s obvious in hindsight yet I somehow missed it. Correct you are Spiral.
Originally Posted by DonH
Heck someone texted me wondering if Spiral is really Traveler in disguise
I used to think this about Traveler and LH…
I’m glad I sat my drink down before I read that last line because if I’d had a drink in my mouth, I would’ve spit it all over my phone. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read here in a LONG time.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
To take things off of Mach’s thread, I realize how different everyone is when it comes to dating. There are no blanket rules or guidelines . Everyone is different, especially depending on your LL.
I am realizing for me……. When I don’t see a guy or really communicate with them, I lose interest and connection. It will be a week in between me and the new guy seeing eachother. We have a big difference in communication styles. He will read my text and not answer it for a day. Not even answer an actual question. Because of that, he wanted to go out Friday, he never replied to my text, I made other plans.
He hates texting. It’s been a problem in his past R’s.he reads it, does t respond to it, forgets about it, or doesn’t read it at all. When he didn’t respond to me until 24 hours later, I simply said “ thank you” ( a rare good morning text). 6 hours went by and he sends me “are you mad at me “? I said no. I’m just not bothering to respond to his texts anymore than that if he doesn’t read them or if he doesn’t respond to them. I thought he caught on for a min and he has been trying. But it’s forced and you can tell it’s torture for him.
Haven’t from him at all today. It really doesn’t leave me missing him or make me wonder if he is interested. I know he is. But we have different needs for connection. If I am not communicating with someone or seeing them, I tend to just disconnect.
But it’s just different people and different styles and no one is wrong and no one is right. I just have decide what’s right for me .
It’s just more proof I’m not just choosing anyone because I’m “lonely” I need compatibility and connection. I’m certainly going to give it a chance, I’m not ready to throw the towel in, I’m still getting to know him.
We are just all different in how we like dating, what connects us or makes us maintain interest
Yeah for sure everyone in life is different that’s what makes life so interesting.
I know I’m wasting my time but I’m a glutton for punishment lol.
The rules and guidelines are meant to keep men from over pursuing and turning a girl off. Case in point new girl will reach out usually 2 or 3 times during the day. When she does I will reply to her text typically with humor. That seems to satisfy her. Sometimes it will be right away but if I’m doing something I will wait. I will reach out first from time to time but usually don’t have to. Now it’s only been like 8 days so there’s that. If she was to say why don’t you text me first more? I would adjust accordingly
As for what you’re saying above I would question his interest. If you’re reaching out and he’s reading and not responding that’s on him.
Rules for thee rulez for Moi. If ya meet someone, play it day by day.. If something isnt going the way you want it too, steer things your the way you would like. Dont over correct, just slightly nudge things. I am not the aggressive promiscuous man I was when I was younger. I play it slow now, and am going to let the women know I am now seeing, I am just taking it slow. Maybe not in a direct way, but, definitley not pushing anything. But, I am in no hurry to get hurt or marry again.. I am just enjoying the company, and I think the one I am having dinner with is too.
The 24 hour text delay drives me crazy. I used to lament a lot that texting exists at all but it’s here to stay unfortunately and it is yet another way to gauge the state of your relationship. I get that some people aren’t great at texting BUT, regardless how busy I am or how bad I am at texting, if I know someone I am really interested in has reached out to me via text, I may wait 15 mins, 30 mins or an hour or two if I am really busy but I will never, ever wait 24 hours…not unless I am out of town and out of cell range. And if I am, I would pre-warn the object of my affection that I will be difficult to reach so may not reply in a timely manner. IDK…am I out to lunch here on this? I get that people don’t want to appear too eager or enthusiastic for fear of coming across as desperate and therefore becoming unattractive to the other person but isn’t 24 hours a long time to routinely wait to respond to someone. To me, this falls into the category of pay attention to what someone does rather than what they say.
Personally G… I think the pay off of getting to hang out with someone as cool as you should outweigh the torture of putting together a couple of worlds so the object of his affection isn’t irritated by his lack of response. And let’s be clear… he KNOWS it irritates you. I like that you made plans when he didn’t contact you in time. That’s teaching him how to treat you and if he cares, he will adjust his behaviour. Next time he does something he knows bothers you and then asks if you are mad at him, I would be honest with him. “No, I’m not mad BUT when I reach out to you just to say “hi” and you take more than 24 hours to respond, it makes me feel like you aren’t really that interested in spending time together and it’s disappointing because it makes me start to lose interest as well.” It’s direct, it’s honest and it challenges him to increase his efforts (if he is as interested) or be honest with you in return.
I absolutely detest all these rules and games. I 100% believe that when/if I meet the “right” person, neither of us will need to play these games. The person I want to spend time with will prefer to be direct and honest…maybe not in the first date or two but definitely after a mutual interest has been established.
Anyway…just weighing in. Really want you to find your person my friend. (((HUGS)))
D I really like most of your message and agree what you’re saying to Ginger but I’m curious as to what you mean by games and rules? If you think of the dating rules/guidelines think of them as Sandis rules when DBing. They are there to help you navigate the process.
For whatever reason guidelines are great accept when it comes to dating.
