Cheaters gonna cheat

[Dawn70]

Girl, give yourself some grace! You did NOT “blow it” with the ice cream. I know your fitness is important to you but, girl, you have so much going on that I don’t think one little ice cream is going to be your downfall. Please, please, please offer yourself some grace because you have SO much going on right now.

Continuing to hold you and little G in my positive thoughts and prayers. (((G and Little G)))

[Cadet]

I don’t think one little ice cream is going to be your downfall.

You know in weight watchers you can eat anything you want as long as you count the points.

I agree with Dawn

[kml]

Ugh - G, I'm so sorry you and little G are stuck in this place of keeping his secrets again. I understand your reasons, but still have my doubts as to whether this is the right thing to do.

[Dawn70]

If G thinks it is right for her, and more importantly Little G, then it IS right for them. It doesn’t really matter whether the rest of us think it is right or not because we aren’t the ones living it. This is the point I have tried to make to others which has been rather rudely shot down but none of us live in anyone else’s shoes so we can’t decide what is right or wrong for someone else.

[bttrfly]

I’m just so angry. I’m a human pressure cooker. I don’t even know what to do with it

kick boxing.
Get that $h!t OUT !

[BL42]

Ginger1,

And the truth is I am FULL of rage. And I have no outlet for it.

I’m just so angry. I’m a human pressure cooker. I don’t even know what to do with it

I imagine little G's discovery of ExH's affair and helping her handle it is dredging up a lot of thoughts/feelings/memories what you went through 14 years ago. Perhaps it's ripping off the proverbial band-aid. Make sure to be there for your daughter as a good parent would, but don't forget to put on your own oxygen mask and take care of yourself as well.

[DonH]

If G thinks it is right for her, and more importantly Little G, then it IS right for them. It doesn’t really matter whether the rest of us think it is right or not because we aren’t the ones living it.

Dawn I very often agree with your thoughts but on this I can’t understand your thinking. Let’s separate the specific item currently at play. Are you saying that whatever someone thinks is the correct thing to do or not do, is always correct? So if her father was kicking the dog, if she thinks it might strain their R she should not say anything or intervene? As long as they think it’s the correct thing then that’s the final word? What about if he was shoplifting while he and Little G went shopping? It’s yet another uncomfortable sitch. Sure little G is not participating but she’s aware of it and he’s doing it right in front of her. What if he used the N word all the time and it made little G very uncomfortable? I could list all sorts of examples. Yes it very does much does matter what others think. Just because she’d rather not rock the boat does not mean we can’t say THAT IS WRONG!!! Little G thinks it’s wrong, it totally bothers her - but don’t confront her dad for fear of his reaction? It’s okay for her to be scared. It’s okay to be difficult. But if we don’t do things we are afraid of or that are difficult where will that end? She needs support in doing what’s right.

I understand your reasons, but still have my doubts as to whether this is the right thing to do.

And as critical as I’ve been of some of KMLs points of view, I have to totally agree with her here. While I do not at all think it should be up to G or her D to talk to her step mom or really anyone else, we all should very much stand up for what we believe in and for absolutely certain stand up for ourselves. If something makes us upset, uncomfortable or whatever else, we should discuss it with the people in our lives - especially close family - doing it. When the majority reason for not doing so is not wanting to rock the boat or worse yet just ignoring reality in favor of wanting or pretending for everything to just be okay or be normal. That’s not life. We don’t get to choose our parents. Some of us have great parents while others have really crappy ones. Being a sperm donor does not a father make. Just as in my examples above, if Gs dad was abusing the dog or disparaging other races or whatever else, it’s akin to the bad behavior he’s displaying to his daughter with his affair. Yes it totally stinks the kind of person he is but this is a HUGE LEARNING AND TEACHING MOMENT that can shape who she grows up to be. She needs help and guidance and a strong person to lean on to help guide her. If 13 year olds had the ability to make these decisions by themselves they would not be children. Just as we should not involve children in adult situations we should not expect children to make adult decisions on their own and allow whatever they decide to be just fine. That’s what they have parents for - to help them through making these very difficult decisions.

So I’m crystal clear here, I don’t believe it’s up to her to confront or tell her stepmom. I don’t think it’s up to her to do anything other than have a Frank honest discussion with her father about anything he’s doing that she believes to be wrong or immoral and that bothers her - whether that be kicking the dog, shoplifting, using the N word - or carrying on an extramarital affair right in front if her. Every child should be encouraged to come to their parent and say “something you are doing is making me very upset and very sad.” Doing this should not change based on the feared response or reaction. This could be a huge character building experience for her - and maybe even for him.

[Ginger1]

I will continue to disagree wholly. This isn’t like he used the N word and that was wrong so she said something . He will know that she is holding on to information that could cause some serious destruction to the family. D knows the consequences of that and what could happen. Her life blows up and her father resents her. It’s not a “character building “ experience. It’s a horrifying experience to have that power.

I’d and when she decides to do it, it has to come be because she chose it . Not because I told her to . And I told heroes always reveal themselves and she does need to be prepared for this to come out even if it isn’t by her. And she gets that. She just doesn’t want it to be here because she doesn’t want to risk losing her father.

I guess you have your opinion and I have mine. Be thankful you never actually have to experience this yourself . Because it’s awful.

She knows I’m angry with her dad. She said their house was fine last night and she is fine right now and that’s what matters. But me, she knows I am very not happy with him. But I’m supporting her .

This is very very very difficult in so many ways. I can’t even begin to explain

[Valeska19]

I will continue to disagree wholly. This isn’t like he used the N word and that was wrong so she said something . He will know that she is holding on to information that could cause some serious destruction to the family. D knows the consequences of that and what could happen. Her life blows up and her father resents her. It’s not a “character building “ experience. It’s a horrifying experience to have that power.

IMHO you are giving her too much power here. These are her dad's choices. She does not hold the power to blow up his life/her life... or for him to resent her. That rest solely on the shoulders on her dad.

It is not the information she holds that will cause the destruction of the family... it was the choices HE made. HE is to blame here.

It is unwise for Little G to live a life where she fears the response of her parent. You know how damaging that is in the long run. Help her see the lies in the fear. Help her to see her needs above her dads.

[Dawn70]

If G thinks it is right for her, and more importantly Little G, then it IS right for them. It doesn’t really matter whether the rest of us think it is right or not because we aren’t the ones living it.

Dawn I very often agree with your thoughts but on this I can’t understand your thinking. Let’s separate the specific item currently at play. Are you saying that whatever someone thinks is the correct thing to do or not do, is always correct? So if her father was kicking the dog, if she thinks it might strain their R she should not say anything or intervene? As long as they think it’s the correct thing then that’s the final word? What about if he was shoplifting while he and Little G went shopping? It’s yet another uncomfortable sitch. Sure little G is not participating but she’s aware of it and he’s doing it right in front of her. What if he used the N word all the time and it made little G very uncomfortable? I could list all sorts of examples. Yes it very does much does matter what others think. Just because she’d rather not rock the boat does not mean we can’t say THAT IS WRONG!!! Little G thinks it’s wrong, it totally bothers her - but don’t confront her dad for fear of his reaction? It’s okay for her to be scared. It’s okay to be difficult. But if we don’t do things we are afraid of or that are difficult where will that end? She needs support in doing what’s right.

Of course I would not advocate someone sitting by and saying nothing while a dog was being kicked or the N word was being used or any of those things, but you know as well as I do, Don, that this is NOT the same thing. Everyone keeps talking about this being a teaching moment and how w2 has a right to know so someone should tell her because they’d want to know. While I understand those points, I just don’t happen to agree in this particular case that it is up to G or little G to be the one to put it out there. Little G went to her mother about it, the parent she trusts. Little G has made it clear, for her own reasons, that she doesn’t want to say anything right now, so why is it so bad that G wants to step back with little G and get her in counseling. Just because little G doesn’t want to talk to her father right now when she JUST learned this info, doesn’t mean she is never going to. She needs some time to process and G is giving her that and trying to protect her in the process so just because some of you would jump in and make your kid talk to their parent right now if you were in this situation doesn’t mean that is the right choice for G and little G. Little G is a kid and therefore shouldn’t be in the middle of adult matters. She IS old enough to make her own choices in regards to her communication with her dad. That’s what I meant about it isn’t on anyone but G and little G to decide what is right for them in this scenario. We are probably just not going to see eye to eye on this one.