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#2933338 05/04/22 12:44 AM
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Me: 47 w/ S10, D12, D3
Current T: 12; M: 11 years; BD1: 11-11-18; BD2: 22-04-22; STBXW: 41
Previous M: 4 years; Big D: 2004; XW: 48
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So, STBXW is wanting to talk about finances. I expect she will want to separate some finances, not settle property, and probably want me to pay her more. In other words, avoid the entire big picture.

Short of assertively stating what I want and why, what are some DB strategies for this conversation? I like the "it doesn't work for me", or point out a concern and let her come up with a solution. Any other ideas?


Me: 47 w/ S10, D12, D3
Current T: 12; M: 11 years; BD1: 11-11-18; BD2: 22-04-22; STBXW: 41
Previous M: 4 years; Big D: 2004; XW: 48
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I personally would let a lawyer handle it. I know you guys can do it cheaper by yourselves and if it’s fair even better. However, not many, or any, WAS are reasonable. What they said yesterday means nothing today. Etc etc. and I don’t want to see you get 85% of the way there and than it all blows up over a disagreement and you end up with lawyers anyway.

With a lawyer handling things you can GAL better, detach better, cut out a whole lot of reasons for contact. I think it would help you focus on you. And that is the divorce busting way.

But if that doesn’t work for you that’s ok too.


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Yes, answer any of her requests with “I’ll think on that” then run it by your attorney. Do NOT agree to anything unless your attorney advises you to.

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Originally Posted by Josh_T
So, STBXW is wanting to talk about finances.
Great! Let her talk. This is your chance to actively listen to her plan and validate her feelings. No arguing, persuading, playing dumb, educating, etc. Take notes. Plan to sharfe everything you write down with your attorney. When you're ready to D, ask them to draft a proposal.

Originally Posted by Josh_T
Short of assertively stating what I want and why, what are some DB strategies for this conversation?
Close mouth. Open ears.

Originally Posted by Josh
I expect she will want to separate some finances,
Originally Posted by Josh
and probably want me to pay her more.
"I'll think about that and get back to you."



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Originally Posted by Traveler
"I'll think about that and get back to you."

Personally i'd tell her "i'll run this past my Lawyer and get back to you".

His WW just thinks he will role over at every demand. IMO, he needs to show her he isnt going to bend over and pick up the soap every single time.


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Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Well, she was too tired today. And the finance conversation wasn't going to be about assets, but child support. Which is wierd because she said she wanted to shift all ongoing school expenses to my credit card and then ask me to pay CSA. Hmm. Child support is designed to cover all the costs of raising a child, including school fees. When that conversation comes, it will be a reality check.


Me: 47 w/ S10, D12, D3
Current T: 12; M: 11 years; BD1: 11-11-18; BD2: 22-04-22; STBXW: 41
Previous M: 4 years; Big D: 2004; XW: 48
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 343
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Originally Posted by Josh_T
Well, she was too tired today. And the finance conversation wasn't going to be about assets, but child support. Which is wierd because she said she wanted to shift all ongoing school expenses to my credit card and then ask me to pay CSA. Hmm. Child support is designed to cover all the costs of raising a child, including school fees. When that conversation comes, it will be a reality check.

Same old same old WW mentality - My WW did the EXACT same thing.

Expected me to pay for everything ( All Uniforms, school trips, shoes, trainers, clubs and any other out of school activities they participated in like swimming and gymnastics ) on top of the monthly payments she received from me ( which is more than her monthly salary ) - and i have them 12 nights a year less than her !!!

Reality will come as a shock to her.


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Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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This is why having a lawyer in these situations, to me, is mandatory. I've seen so many guys that try to nice their WAWs back by buying everything, agreeing to pay child support or spousal support BEFORE ordered to by a court, and it always backfires on them. Do not agree to anything financial without legal represenatation.


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Amen.

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