One of my favourite shows of all time. Haven’t yet watched the latest episode but thanks for the heads up. I will prepare myself accordingly. (((HUGS)))
Wow - phone call from a friend yesterday. She’d gotten herself involved with a guy who seemed great - gave her presents, said all the right things. He was either someone she knew growing up, or a friend of those friends. After a few months she moved to his state to live with him.
Over the next few months he became verbally abusive and controlling. That phone he gave her? Had tracking software installed so he could see everything she was doing.
She got smart and one day while he was at work she packed up her cats and drove back to her home many states away. But when he showed up all apologetic she let him into her place. Later she catches him changing passwords on her accounts and she kicks him out. He smashed her phone because she was trying to call the police and proceeds to post revenge porn and harass her such that she loses her job.
She’s got a restraining order and a legal case against him. He’s a police officer which makes it extra scary. She’s getting a handle on her codependency issues.
Just another cautionary tale for middle aged dating, and another reason not to live with somebody for at least a year!
Also - be extra wary dating police officers. Now, there are lots of fine police officers, my brother was one. But there definitely are two issues that can come up. One is their irregular hours do provide lots of opportunity for infidelity and that happens a lot. The other is that sociopaths are also drawn to the profession and not always successfully weeded out. In this guy’s case, he’s a sociopath with a gun.
If it looks too good to be true, it probably is. Take your time to get to know someone you’re dating.
If it looks too good to be true, it probably is. Take your time to get to know someone you’re dating.
On the other hand, how many of us can raise our hands and say that our ex-spouse was someone we thought we knew who then did the unthinkable.
I have no actual proof but from the stories I've read it feels like there's a similar number of people who have split between those who jumped right in and those who waited and waited.
Some people, especially abusers are good at either concealing who they are or controlling the narrative. And yes - some people are really good at believing what they want to believe.
I used to say about my xW that she was very good at being charming and sweet for a short period of time but couldn't sustain it. Although she and OM are no into year 7 so there's that.
Your friend's story is certainly a cautionary tale. Long distance relationships can allow for people to only show their best selves which is one of the several reasons I would never get involved in one. And certainly there are professions, generally I believe ones where people have the training to be an authority such as police, doctors (hi kml!), teachers where they can tend to carry that into the relationship and also where infidelity is more common - or so I understand.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
College professors - definitely a risk for dating students , even though that is frowned upon. Mostly about the availability of nubile young bodies who think you’re special.
Doctors - there’s definitely an issue of unique job stresses that someone also in the profession may understand better. Mostly though I think it’s the issue of nerdy guys who couldn’t get the girl when they were younger, now having enough money/prestige/power to make them attractive to other women. And like police officers, their hours make cheating easy especially if they take night call. So easy to say “I’m on call tonight” or “there’s an emergency at the hospital” and how would the spouse know otherwise?
That being said, I’m having trouble thinking of other med school friends who are divorced. One dumped her husband during residency, but all the rest I’m friendly with are still married after 20-30 years. Maybe I don’t know enough surgeons ?
In our 20’s, a lot of us didn’t have the knowledge to recognize the red flags. We can now though, if we use our heads and don’t get swept up in the emotions. Yeah, my ex looked good, but there were red flags.
College professors! Yep! My ex, AKA "Professor Playboy" definitely was having inappropriate relationships, meetings, "glasses of wine", etc. with his students during most of our 21 year marriage.
He also had a very irregular schedule that involved lots of driving to different campuses. I never knew when to expect him home for dinner, but at the time all of that was brushed aside as either traffic or staff meetings.
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
My ex had plenty of opportunity outside the office but the affair of his that originally brought me here was with a traveling nurse on temporary assignment. Fortunately for me she moved on to another assignment after a few months - undoubtedly upset that whatever lie he told her originally about the state of his marriage wasn't true.
Wow. Oh wow. Can't believe I just read this. Some male news personality on a certain station that shall remain nameless admitted on television that, in order to get his (now) wife to date him, he let the air out of her tires so that he could offer her a ride home! Not only that, but when questioned by a co-host, his answer implied that it wasn't the first time he'd tried that tactic! (Never mind the fact that he was married at the time and she was a young coworker 14 years his junior!).
So ladies - I can't believe I have to say this, but if you find the air let out of your tires, do NOT accept a ride from someone who happens to come by, even if you know him! Call someone you trust! This is so far off the creepiness scale, I can't even!!!!!
Ugh - watched a little bit more of the Johnny Depp/ Amber Heard thing. I can only imagine how many people advised Depp against this. No possible good comes out of them reading his horrible texts in court, even IF Amber Heard was abusive to him (which it sounds like she was, but he was awful too). One text he sent to his property manager (I think) said he hoped "they find her dead body in the trunk of a Honda Civic". And that wasn't NEARLY the worst thing said.
He should have resurrected his career by getting clean and doing a mea culpa interview with Oprah or someone. That would have helped him financially much more than winning this case (unlikely) would have. And he's suing her for defamation, and in the process revealing SO much more bad stuff about himself that people will never be able to forget. Just stupid.
