5 years ago today I had to D bomb dropped on me. Hard to believe it has been 5 years. Time is fleeting.
I wanted to take the opportunity to thank this board again for the help you provided me 5 years ago. While I didn't find the board until early February or 2018, I remembered DBing from my previous situation in the fall of 2005. I immediately tried to start implementing MWD's advice in my situation.
But when I found the board, the advice here was unbelievable. It helped me so much. I won't mention names in the effort of not forgetting anyone. But would like to shout out to sandi. I know she hasn't posted in a while; I like to think she is writing that book that so many of us encouraged her to write! And she doesn't have time to post at the moment. I sure miss her and a lot of the newbies that have found the board could use her sage advice.
Also, shout out to job and Cadet.
Anyway, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and happy holidays if you celebrate others.
Great post, SteveLW! 5 years really flew by, huh? Time is indeed fleeting.
Merry Christmas to you and your W :-)
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Been a while (almost a year) since I gave my update, I think I will take the opportunity.
It will be 6 years in 10 days since BD. The anxiety that date used to generate is entirely gone. I am happy to report that my marriage is still going strong. The last 5 1/2 years are the happiest years of any other point in our marriage. And I believe she would probably say the same. We continue to piece as I now truly believe, more than ever, that you never stop DBing. GAL, 180s and detachment (I prefer self-differentiation as the right term when you are talking about a happy marriage) are ongoing and you should never stop.
We are pretty much empty nesters at this point. My daughter went to school out of state, and then landed a job that she really likes. So she is full-time there and continuing to take classes. Crazy what a difference 6 years makes.
On a negative note, our best-friend couple are getting a divorce. He cheated, she found out and she feels she can never trust again. It is a big mess and has really put a wrinkle in our social life. They were a great couple to hang out with and do things with. Very compatible. We felt like we had struck the couple-friends lottery. If only WSs knew how many people would be affected by things like this. Not just their kids and extended families, but also friends and people in other social groups with them that care about them.
Occasionally we get posters here that are considering an affair or breaking up their marriage. All I can say is the lives you are messing with go much further and deeper than you could ever imagine.
So anyway, that is my update. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Oh, and if there are any former posters that lurk here, please consider posting and giving us an update! It is always uplifting to hear how people are thriving, no matter what ended up happening with their marriage.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Great to hear from you and happy your marriage is doing better.
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My eldest daughter went away to college this year. I just have my youngest full time tho WW has her at the weekends.
It's been 3 years since WW moved out. While I recently did apologize to her for my role in the breakdown of the marriage she told me she does not accept my apology and neither do i deserve one and that she didn't cheat on me because she was separated despite living with me and the kids at the time and having an open affair. I decided to go no contact for good and only communicate if there is an emergency situation with the kids.
She was supposed to get 50/50 custody but ultimately ended up getting about 25%. She's had a financially rough year. Lost her job unexpectedly, couldn't get unemployment, no income for a month, did get another job and then last month her car got totaled while dropping my youngest daughter off at my place so I could take her to school. A driver pulled out of his driveway and didn't look where he was going. Fortunately no injuries.
Meanwhile I am almost done with my MA degree and started teaching at the university I attend. It's one class twice a week. I graduate next May.
Great and inspirational update, Steve. Thanks for sharing. It shows how much stamina, attentiveness, and patience one has to have to be successful with DBing. I hope you and your family have a GREAT new (and next) year!
Great to hear from you and happy your marriage is doing better.
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My eldest daughter went away to college this year. I just have my youngest full time tho WW has her at the weekends.
It's been 3 years since WW moved out. While I recently did apologize to her for my role in the breakdown of the marriage she told me she does not accept my apology and neither do i deserve one and that she didn't cheat on me because she was separated despite living with me and the kids at the time and having an open affair. I decided to go no contact for good and only communicate if there is an emergency situation with the kids.
She was supposed to get 50/50 custody but ultimately ended up getting about 25%. She's had a financially rough year. Lost her job unexpectedly, couldn't get unemployment, no income for a month, did get another job and then last month her car got totaled while dropping my youngest daughter off at my place so I could take her to school. A driver pulled out of his driveway and didn't look where he was going. Fortunately no injuries.
Meanwhile I am almost done with my MA degree and started teaching at the university I attend. It's one class twice a week. I graduate next May.
Thanks for the update Drh. I'll have to go back and refresh my memory on your situation but if I remember your WW was particularly troublesome. Sounds like she hasn't changed. I completely concur with your going no contact. Probably should have done that a while ago.
Glad to hear things are going well. Remember, keep DBing so that you are prepared for your next R.
Originally Posted by MrP
Great and inspirational update, Steve. Thanks for sharing. It shows how much stamina, attentiveness, and patience one has to have to be successful with DBing. I hope you and your family have a GREAT new (and next) year!
Thanks Mr. P. And same to you and yours!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Lovely to read an update/summary of things with you and yours. Really nice to see that daughter has employment (full time no less) and is taking classes. That’s quite a show of determination.
Also wonderful to read that you and W are determined and committed to the new and better relationship. Very happy for you.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Thank you for returning and giving us an update. You are so right about continuing to DB, 180s and GAL. Your marriage is a new one and that means both of you have had the opportunity to rediscover each other, as well as make the changes that were necessary for this new relationship to work.
All I can say is "A job well done". Keep up the good work and when you feel yourself slipping into old habits, stop and turn around and do something different.
Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for the update. Did the last 6 years get better over the years? Was the beginning of piecing more challenging and then things got better for whatever the reasons may be?
