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BL42 Offline OP
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kml,
Originally Posted by kml
Consider contacting women who are one step down from who you're contacting now in looks. Some of them may surprise you and be more attractive in real life than their photos would suggest.
I've expanded my outreach a bit. Not a whole lot more luck. Honestly I think my area is not the best for 40 with kids.

Originally Posted by kml
It's a numbers game - you do have to contact a lot of women. Just don't do so with a generic hello that shows you didn't read their profile.
I've tried to be tailored and unique, but it's tough sometimes when there's not a lot to go on, and also gets draining after swiping so much without result.

Originally Posted by kml
Try Bumble, where the women contact the men? (Isn't that how Bumble works?)
I joined Tinder, Match, Bumble, Hinge, and now FB dating. Tinder seems awful, strewn with fake and trashy profiles. Match is a bit better but not nearly the number of profiles. Bumble and Hinge seem to be the classiest/best options. FB Dating is frustrating because despite setting my range close and as a strong preference I still get profiles popping up from several different states.

Originally Posted by kml
Look for more opportunities to meet people IRL.
This is absolutely an area on which I should focus. I've done a lot of GAL but it's mostly been male-only leagues or hanging with coupled friends. I should probably try out some activities with a more balanced or female-leaning interest.

Originally Posted by kml
I can vouch for the disparity, having been contacted by several guys who look like Santa Claus
But consider the Christmas presents!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Jul 2020
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BL42 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by markw
i think i read the other day that 80% of the women chase the top 20% of the men with OLD and with the other percentages quoted here means you have to be super sharp in the photo and words!
Yep. Think of your profile like your resume.
Point taken guys. I need to sharpen up my profile, photos and description.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Try standing out and upping your photo game. 2 selfies aren’t going to do it, unfortunately.
I realized while signing creating OLD profiles I literally had no pictures of just me in the past decade. My photo roll is almost exclusively my kids, family, ExW, or a big group of friends. So I took a few selfies in the past 6 months and two of them are actually looking pretty good - no bathroom or gym or anything. I do have one of me scuba diving which I thought was pretty cool and may generate some discussion. But I agree, time to up my photo game. I thought about hiring a photographer friend to take a couple shots but not sure if that's "too much". I just rarely have pictures taken of me.

Originally Posted by kml
I like to see at least one photo of a guy with friends or coworkers - makes it more likely they HAVE friends, better yet if you all look like you're having fun.
I've avoided including other people. Don't want to be posting their pics on OLD profiles.

Originally Posted by kml
A photo doing some activity you enjoy is nice.
I have a few of scuba diving. Need to get some of doing activities golf, ice skating...etc. I guess I need to be better about having friends take pictures of me, but it seems a bit awkward.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
A great conversation starter and the part that gets my attention is the “two truths and a lie” if they are interesting, I’ll open up the conversation with my guess.
I've seen those on others. Maybe I'll try it.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
You have to pull them in with something, and being a above average looking dad isn’t going to do it on the OLD world
Getting the hard truths here on the board! LOL. Good feedback though, thanks.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,236
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BL42 Offline OP
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OnlyBent,
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
I am in a similar spot with the feeling of slight regression, I think its pretty normal. There will always be ups and downs in motivation, go easy in yourself during the downs, take a mental and physical break for a little bit and then back into things when you're ready.
You're right. Just in a bit of a lull right now, but I'll rebound. We've both made quite a lot of progress over the past year or two so to use an investing analogy focus on the long term trend not the short term fluctuations.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Some good advice I heard somewhere is to have your reasons written down as to why things are important to you. For example, I go to the gym and stay fit because I can think of nothing better than being able to kick the footy and shoot some hoops with my little boy when he is a bit older, that drives that part of my life. Have those reasons written down for everything that you need to push yourself to do and those things become easier.
Love that concept, and especially the motivation of being around for and active with our sons down the road.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
From what you've described BL and from knowing you on here you are a catch. So you should think of yourself that way. I'm no expert on OLD as you know, but I'm sure when you get to those first dates you'll do very well.
Thanks OB!

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Have you tried chatting to people more when you're out and about?
I need to put myself in better positions to interact with people. I'm either cramped up at the home office or having out fun with the guys, but need to consider some activities with a more balanced demographic. Hopefully with things opening back up from the pandemic and seasons opportunities will present themselves.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 79
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Originally Posted by kml
Please, please - no photo of you in a bathrobe holding a live duck (seriously - I didn't even want to know what that guy was about.)

that made me laugh and set my mind racing with the possibilities!!

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Hiya BL42,

Just wanted to stop by and say hi, and thank you for checking out my post.

I've only had a chance to take an ever-so-brief glance at your sitch from the beginning, but the small bit I did read, made me curious to ask.....

Does any of this strike a chord with you, with respect to the way your XW acts/acted?


PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE.
-Jimbo
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Originally Posted by kml
I like to see at least one photo of a guy with friends or coworkers - makes it more likely they HAVE friends, better yet if you all look like you're having fun.
Originally Posted by BL42
I've avoided including other people. Don't want to be posting their pics on OLD profiles.

While I agree with most of what kml said about photos and the rest, I disagree with her on the group photo. I realize this is a personal preference so there is no right or wrong answer and I even understand the reason she says she likes to see them, but I don’t like them. I’m going to assume a person has friends and coworkers. My problem with group pics is that they are seldom labeled as to who is in them so unless it is extremely obvious which one you are, I don’t want to play a guessing game. I think this is one of the reasons OLD can be so difficult. Everyone’s preferences are different so you just have to ride the middle and hope for the best.

Originally Posted by kml
A photo doing some activity you enjoy is nice.
Originally Posted by BL42
I have a few of scuba diving. Need to get some of doing activities golf, ice skating...etc. I guess I need to be better about having friends take pictures of me, but it seems a bit awkward.

Activity pics are good but yes, it can be awkward to stop and go “hey, take my pic!”…especially for a man, I’d guess, since women are more prone to pics. I had a couple of go-to friends who were in on my OLD plight and if we were out together, I’d ask them to snap a good pic of me.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Definitely don’t hire a photographer. When I see those, I think they are cat fishers.

I’m a woman who tried to avoid the camera. It’s an oddity. I can’t stand the way I look in pictures and I have some weird nervousness in front of the camera.the good thing is I look a lot better than person than in a photo, so dates I think are pleasantly surprised, lol. I do have selfies. I looked good before going out, snapped that picture. I took a selfie when I went hiking by a waterfall. I had my daughter take a picture of me at a hockey game. And I absolutely have a full body shot in a dress. I’m the same weight, so I use it because it’s the only one I have. Also, don’t use blurry pictures.

Yes, meeting people out in the wild is ideal. But you don’t do that unless you put yourself out there. I am joined to a statewide facebook singles group. The age range is like 30-60. They do a lot of meet ups. Unfortunately most are in the lower part of my state.
Many couples have come of that group. And it just gets you out there. They do fun activities. Ace throwing, hikes, top golf, beach walks, happy hours, karaokes and sometimes they rent out a place and host an event

If I’m not mistaken, you are either in the lower half of my state or right outside of it?

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Ditto G on the full body and no blurry pics! I have said many times here, I am a big girl, so when i was OLD, I made sure that I had full body shots where you could tell. Now, I don't want to see full body shots in various forms of undress (at least not at first, LOL), but a tasteful, full body shot definitely shows the realistic version of you. I know I have said this before, but I have a selfie that I took of myself sitting in my car in my driveway and it makes me look WAY prettier than I actually am. Now, I have that selfie on my phone and I have shared it with friends and family, but I would've never shown it to a potential date because then when they saw me in person, they would think I was a catfish. Sparky has seen it, but he didn't see it until long after we were committed to each other. I didn't do any camera trick either....I just had the camera angled right and the sun was coming through the car window just right to make for a very attractive pic, but it was a total fluke.

When I was OLD, I would actually move right on past blurry pics because it screamed lack of effort to me. Oh and in case no one else has already mentioned it, I HATE sunglass pics. I don't mind a hat because all the men in my life wear ball caps all the time, but please don't cover up your eyes. Even if it is just an innocent outdoor pic, having fun in the sun, something seems disingenuous to me (and this is my own personal opinion that others may or may not agree with) when you post a pic wearing sunglasses when you could have just taken them off and snapped the same pic right quick.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,236
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Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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