Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,928
Likes: 28
G
Member
Online
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,928
Likes: 28
I dont think its never take back a cheater.

Its never take back an ABUSER. And MWD does absolutely say that .

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,328
Likes: 34
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,328
Likes: 34
Originally Posted by KitCat
I didn't want a D under those circumstances.

Again no credibility KK. You were going to D your STBXH when you thought it would win you points with the pilot.

Originally Posted by KitCat
I can also say that my STBXH is also operating more under emotional neutral.

Well of course. He has new family, friends, no commute and his STBXW as a friend.

Originally Posted by KitCat
I think you are less likely to have regret if decisions come from this place.

I agree and I do not think he regrets the decision one bit. You two were pretty toxic together.

Originally Posted by KitCat
I also feel that with more time and space he might be able to see what he is leaving behind.

I agree. Though I am still not clear is to what was so great about it.

Originally Posted by KitCat
Maybe he doesn't, but at least I can feel confident that he isn't D out of anger or revenge. That's what is most important to me.

I don't think he ever was doing that. He found another woman he feel is better suited for him.
Originally Posted by KitCat
If I'm lucky enough to buy another 6mo I will take it... I don't see that happening... but I'm okay staying in limbo for right now. I'm staying busy.

Uuuuum you are not in limbo you are in the process of divorcing.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,328
Likes: 34
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,328
Likes: 34
Originally Posted by KitCat
I said something very vague in passing...

Uuuum it didn't happen that way.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I have some significant proof... but I cannot explain here. SS21 will NEVER say anything to H about it.

Originally Posted by KitCat
H has NO idea.

Good??????????
Originally Posted by KitCat
I think the main reason he says nothing about OW is that he also said some time ago he did not want to know what I was doing... said it would be too painful.

This is very common. I wouldn't read anything into it.

Until he stops the D and other woman moves out there is nothing to see here.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
K
KitCat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
Well finally had a court date - this was just a meeting to establish progress and I was not present as I have an atty. STBXH has had a copy of the decree since Mid-May and has never said a word about it to me. He could sign and send to my atty office at any time. STBXH made several comments during the hearing but bottom line he is ready to sign and file.... AGAIN, he has the document to sign and has had it for two months now.

STBXH has texted a couple of times. I do not respond via text. I wait a day or so and send him an email. I asked him via email to get me information on who to call to get COBRA information. He did the legwork and sent me the information via text along with a comment about how pricey it was. I waited a day and just replied thanks for information and that would be out of my budget. As soon as my employer is back in town I will have to negotiate for a policy and I would keep him up to date. He doesn't email me back.... rather he sticks to texting me.

He called the office last week as the puppy needed just one follow up vaccine booster. My tech explained that currently I was the only Dr and my days were booked weeks out as I'm seeing more cases while my employer is out of the office. The tech stated that he didn't really have to see me as a tech could just do the booster vaccine - which is typical protocol. His exact words to the tech "but, I am sure she will want to see him". [meaning the puppy]

The day of his appt I just told the tech I would go in and do the booster (he just had a complete exam last month.) I walked into the room. I don't even look at STBXH. I'm just focused on the puppy who is so excited. I'm talking to him and petting him. STBXH states... he was perfectly behaved all the way here until I pulled in to the parking lot and he went ape sh*t. I finally looked up at STBXH and said "that's because he knows I'm here." smile We talked of the dog. He shared story of when he was camping with him over the 4th how well behaved he was, etc. I just validated what a smart dog he was and how well the puppy loved and listens to him. Wrapped things up in less than 10min. Said to STBXH tell SS21 I said Hello. STBXH said he would if he ever sees him. "oh, is he not living with you since he moved back?" STBXH confirmed he is living with him but he is always up in his room on the xbox but that his 30days are up and he will be enforcing that SS21 get a job. We briefly talked SD19 -- he still has no contact. I then said well puppy is all up to date for 1 year on everything and to let me know when he needed more prevention medication. If I could get the rep to give me more free meds great but if not he would have to pay cost for them. And, I sent him out the door. He did not bring up any business items - insurance, signing decree. Quite frankly I expected him to also be driving to my atty office since he was in town. If that happened I was not informed.

The only text I have answered by texting was one last night while I was out. It was regarding a bill and my son. Said it was already dealt with and it would have no effect on him. He replied OK and some other statement and I just replied I understand.

Work has been incredibly busy - I've had many 11-12hr days in a row while my employer was out for 2 weeks. That's left me mentally and physically exhausted.

I bought a ukulele a month ago and have been faithfully practicing except for last week.

I've been getting out to multiple AAA baseball games this summer. There of course was NO season last year. This is something we always did as a family when the kids were younger. I've gone with my son a couple of times and while he wasn't much of a fan as a kid he really gets into with me as an adult. I met up with someone I met on an app -- that was fun!!! And, no it was not a date.

I've fallen into a friendship with a guy I did meet on a dating site last January. We had one date which wasn't super spectacular but we've kept in touch. He's really nice. He's not dating per say and works tons of hours like myself. we chat every few days and keep making plans to go to baseball game -- he's a big fan. I'm only a fan of the minor leagues. So its nice on those more lonely days to have someone to talk to.... and it is just a friendship.

I have no issue going out to a bar alone. Went last night to my favorite place because they were having live music and it was great. I sat by myself and this woman invited me to sit with her table with her husband and friends. I really thanked her but I was comfortable with where I was sitting. Then later two guys asked if they could sit next to me -- I said no problem. Makes it look less like I'm here alone! I had friends who knew I was out alone and they texted and check in with me to make sure I was okay.

I've 5 days on Daytona beach next month. I have an old friend who lives in FL... not sure how far from where I am staying who wants to meet up and hang out. So literally last December I get a message from this guy that he was in town and do I want to meet for lunch. We went to nursery school together and literally have not seen one another since 1976 - and we were 5. It was fun to catch up and relive the "old" days. He knew I was in the middle of a divorce. And, since then he has been inviting me to come out and stay with him as he lives on the beach. He is a nice guy and he is really into me... like really into me... and I've had to say to him last night that we don't really know each other.... we live in 2 different states.... and I'm still not D. But, I said I'm happy to meet up and spend time with him but he needs to temper his expectations.

I've been on 2 dates if you can call it that??? One guy I met up for a 6mile hike. Because I didn't want it to turn into a serious dating thing I kept my distance for a month. I like to go on hikes but as a single woman I'm very careful where I go and I make sure I know the area well. I'm okay in some new areas when I take my dog but there are some places where the hike isn't super dog friendly and I will not go alone. The other guy was definitely an interesting character and we had fun going out one night --- but he ran and hot and cold. I wished him luck and moved on.

My goal was to make it kayaking this summer... hasn't happened yet. Met a woman who did go quite a bit and even had a second kayak and she invited me.... but never followed up. I found a place that does an underwater kayak thing but it will require some travel... so fingers crossed.

I've got a huge knitting project going on right now... smile

I spent 10k on new carpet for the house. I was hoping to get it installed while my son was still home but it looks like they can't get to me until the end of August. Its a 4 day job and not looking forward to moving all my furniture.

I still haven't found a ceiling guy but my new neighbor is a contractor. After they get settled in I'll hit up for some help!!! And, if I still have any energy left I might tackle repainting a couple of rooms but that may be best done when the kid moves out completely!

I'm doing my best to stay busy. I won't lie. I still wish this issue with my STBXH would turn around. But, it is what it is.

Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,415
Likes: 3
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 1,415
Likes: 3
Nice update, KC. I know this is tough but glad you're keeping so busy. And even if you might get folks here who think you should have let the tech do the booster, I'm glad your dog got to see you. That is super cute.

Any thoughts on considering therapy again? Could be a great outlet for you.

And finally--your employer should be able to add you onto the clinic's health care program as soon as the D is through-- considered a "qualifying life event" so you don't have to wait until the next open enrollment period.


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
K
KitCat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
May -

The dog is like a shared child. I raised it for the first 7 months. It will always also be my dog. I will not turn down an opportunity to see the dog. Truth be told STBXH drives an hour each way so that I get to see the dog. Its really about the dog. Everytime I see him or have him while STBXH is out of town I'm reminded how much I miss and love this dog. But the dog really loves my STBXH too. The dog gets to live his best life as inlaws have 100acres. He gets to go camping. STBXH gives him a good life.

As for the insurance we are a very small business and we have no company plan. My employer is covered by his wife. I had been covered for the last 10yr by my STBXH. I literally have to negotiate a policy with my employer. It will be a 2-4 week process. By my original contract he is supposed to provide health care... but when I got married my STBXH had a much better coverage for NO additional cost to him what so ever so it was a no brainer I drop my work coverage.

I'm sure my STBXH is not happy about the delay but he is at the very least NOT dragging me over the coals for it. In fact he hasn't said a single negative thing about it to me. Now, I'm sure he has thrown me under the bus to other people but I have no control of that.

Off to practice my ukulele...

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,863
Likes: 24
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 3,863
Likes: 24
KitCat, I've been wondering about you. I <3 your update. It's one of the strongest I've seen so far. (:

Originally Posted by KitCat
He doesn't email me back.... rather he sticks to texting me.

That's okay, right? You control how you send messages. He controls how he sends messages. I see it as a step towards detachment that you're shifting to e-mail. Consider blocking his texts if they trigger you.

Originally Posted by KitCat
He is a nice guy and he is really into me... like really into me... and I've had to say to him last night that we don't really know each other.... we live in 2 different states.... and I'm still not D. But, I said I'm happy to meet up and spend time with him but he needs to temper his expectations.

You said he's really into "you", but doesn't know much more about "you" than how you look. If you're both seeking a fling, this could be a match. If either of you are seeking something deeper I'd be wary of someone with no standards. To be clear, you may be quite a catch for a relationship--and we know you have many strong character traits--but if he doesn't know you, he doesn't know that. Why so excited? (:

Originally Posted by KitCat
he needs to temper his expectations.

You can be clear about your expectations. You can't control his expectations.

Originally Posted by KitCat
My goal was to make it kayaking this summer... hasn't happened yet. Met a woman who did go quite a bit and even had a second kayak and she invited me.... but never followed up. I found a place that does an underwater kayak thing but it will require some travel... so fingers crossed.

Good luck! I'm lucky I met a nice woman willing to lend me her paddleboards What's an underwater kayak?!

Originally Posted by KitCat
Off to practice my ukulele...

You're the third woman this week taking ukelele classes! What's driving this craze?!

Originally Posted by May
Any thoughts on considering therapy again? Could be a great outlet for you.

PS - I restarted therapy again this Monday.



Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
K
KitCat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
Hey CW ---

It was supposed to be underground kayaking!!! LOL stupid autocorrect!

Anyway trying to figure out how to make that happen. I would need 3 days because its a ways from me.

Right now I'm at peace.... I'm not looking to stir the hornets nest by digging things up. Therapy will be on the beach in Daytona... then moving my kid back to college followed by a 4 day carpet instill. That carpet install is the whole house which means going thru everything, moving extra large pieces of furniture... by the end I will have been able to scour the last of STBXH stuff from the house. From what I can tell I just have a few boxes of stuff to separate. I started to go through those boxes when I found my favorite picture of my STBXH and my SD19 from years ago... I had to put it back and walk away. The carpet install will be forced get it done kind of thing.

I'm in the process of buying all new bedding and towels. I had already started redoing both bathrooms. I lived in this house 5years before I met my STBXH but I still trying to freshening things up. I still have family pictures up. I've never been the type to cut up pictures or throw stuff out... that was my life. I still have pictures of my S20 of his dad and I... in my opinion they belong to S20. I'm not going to throw out that part of my life just because it didn't work. If my step kids ever come by for a visit I don't want them to feel like I just cut them out. Baby steps....

I slacked off on exercising... so my goal this week is to get back at it... but its been so darn hot!

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
K
KitCat Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 1,729
Today was a great day!

Work has been unbelievably busy... the busiest month I have worked in nearly 30yr.

Anyway at work today around 2pm and I get a text from SS21 asking if I'm working today. Now I texted him a month ago when he was making the cross country drive to return home after his service. Told him to be safe and if he ever needed anything he had my number. He moved in with dad upon returning home.

SS21 texted back he'd see me soon.

What? Wow...

So about an hour later in comes into my office to chat. He was in my town at our financial advisors office - he has an inheritance. Anyway that office is right next to mine so he thought about stopping by to say hello!

I'm over the moon!!!

Man was he a hard kid to raise... but I love him as much as my own. I just tread carefully because I'm not really a parent and I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him to be in my life. He's had some slip ups in life but don't we all. Deep down he is a good kid with some personal goals he'd like to meet.

It really made my day!!!!!

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,328
Likes: 34
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 7,328
Likes: 34
Good stuff KK. I am happy for you!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard