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Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918505
05/04/21 04:10 PM
05/04/21 04:10 PM
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kml Offline
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I do confess, the first guy I dated after my divorce was quite tall (6'5") and somehow after him came a streak of very tall men (6'6", 6'4", 6'5", 6'3") - I could have had a basketball team! The 6'6" one picked me up shopping in Big Lots, so it wasn't even like I was seeking them out. (I think he lies about his height though - he is probably 6'7"). But my ex was just 5'10" and I once had a mad crush on my sailing instructor who was 5'3" (I'm 5'6"). I think my fondness for those very tall guys was because they had generally been quite awkward in their youth and we shared a certain outsider vulnerability. Also they did remind me of the tall, handsome, sweet, brilliant graduate student I pined for in college. He was the one that got away.

Still, I would never list height as a requirement on a dating profile - you never know who you might be missing out on.

Also, I've contacted men whose desired age range didn't quite extend up to my age, and almost none of them felt it was an issue. Youthfullness is more than just a number.

Re: Hope for men [Re: LH19] #2918506
05/04/21 04:13 PM
05/04/21 04:13 PM
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shotgun Offline OP
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LH19 The whole concept of trying to manipulate a person into being drawn to you seems like a circus act to me.


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918507
05/04/21 04:23 PM
05/04/21 04:23 PM
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kml Offline
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You shouldn't be trying to manipulate them into being drawn to you. You should be looking for the ones who think you're great as you are.

My ex was a bit OCD and had a critical streak (not just to me, but to himself also). I was very thin when we met (underweight actually) but even then had a curvy figure with wide hips and really was never his physical "type" as he's super fat phobic.

One surprising benefit of dating after divorce was that several men that I dated were African American and to them, my booty was my BEST feature! Also, my ex was in the same profession as me and very smart but he always had a chip on his shoulder because I was a better test taker than him (I never thought I was smarter than him - we just have different types of intelligence. He's better at some things and I'm better at others). And although most of the men I dated after divorce were not as academically accomplished as my ex, none of them were bothered by my intellect. It's so refreshing to be appreciated for who you are, not who someone wants you to be.

Re: Hope for men [Re: DejaVu6] #2918508
05/04/21 04:27 PM
05/04/21 04:27 PM
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shotgun Offline OP
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DejaVu6 thank you for your comment. I don't see a ton of older guys at the gym but I am usually there late in the evening. Retired fellows are probably there early in the day. I do physical work and have to stay fit or retire myself. Not quite ready for that as I am involved in some great projects. It is amazing what can be accomplished physically later in life and I can confidently state that I am stronger than I was in my twenties. Eating healthy is a greater challenge for me.

I am more interested in someone who has taken care of herself and is active physically and spiritually. Combine that with an appreciation for the arts and the outdoors and I have the perfect woman!


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Re: Hope for men [Re: kml] #2918509
05/04/21 04:30 PM
05/04/21 04:30 PM
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shotgun Offline OP
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kml yes as I stated the advice about manipulation and see saws and such just isn't something I am interested in.


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918510
05/04/21 04:31 PM
05/04/21 04:31 PM
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Dawn70 Offline
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I'm tall (5'11"), so I prefer tall men, but when I did OLD, I never put anything about height preference in partners because I didn't want to be that person or limit myself. Note that I said I PREFER taller men, but I didn't say I exclusively date tall men. To me, personally, ruling out someone based solely on height is about the same as ruling someone out based solely on their hair texture. It isn't something a person can control. My XH was a couple of inches shorter than me. My current husband is about 6 inches taller than me. In both cases, honestly, I didn't give a crap about height, but both had a FANTASTIC sense of humor so that is the sort of thing that catches my attention.


Me 51, H52
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918513
05/04/21 05:09 PM
05/04/21 05:09 PM
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CWarrior Offline
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Originally Posted by shotgun
LH19 The whole concept of trying to manipulate a person into being drawn to you seems like a circus act to me.

Well, of course, I doubt you'll find many people encouraging you to manipulate people into being drawn to you. Be yourself. You'll attract the right people. You'll turn off the wrong people. (:

Originally Posted by Dawn70
Note that I said I PREFER taller men, but I didn't say I exclusively date tall men. To me, personally, ruling out someone based solely on height is about the same as ruling someone out based solely on their hair texture. It isn't something a person can control.

Love it! I've loosened all my filters this time around because most knobs OLD sites give you are superficial. Mine are as light as +/- 10yrs, +/- 25mi, ACTIVE (you expected that one!!), and no heavy smokers or drug users. A 5'3" lady just sent me photos of 10 outdoor adventure road trips she's done solo this year (swoon). So glad, no height filter! Now, if a 6'0" ladies sends me the same thing, well I know who's getting my first date slot, lol.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918515
05/04/21 05:59 PM
05/04/21 05:59 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,546
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LH19 Offline
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Originally Posted by shotgun
LH19 The whole concept of trying to manipulate a person into being drawn to you seems like a circus act to me.

What do you mean by this?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918516
05/04/21 06:41 PM
05/04/21 06:41 PM
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Posts: 4,117
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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agree with what Dawn said about the absurdity of some of the male profiles (sadly most of the male profiles). So many men over 60 all looking for women 25-40 who are attractive, athletic, independent, intelligent, financially sound, no kids, etc. Every time I saw it I asked what the h3ll would a woman 25-40 who is all that want with a 60 year old who more often than not looks like he's closer to 75 years old, who frankly probably needs the assistance of a little blue pill?


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

Everyone is doing the best they can, even if it's a lousy job.
Re: Hope for men [Re: bttrfly] #2918517
05/04/21 06:46 PM
05/04/21 06:46 PM
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LH19 Offline
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
agree with what Dawn said about the absurdity of some of the male profiles (sadly most of the male profiles). So many men over 60 all looking for women 25-40 who are attractive, athletic, independent, intelligent, financially sound, no kids, etc. Every time I saw it I asked what the h3ll would a woman 25-40 who is all that want with a 60 year old who more often than not looks like he's closer to 75 years old, who frankly probably needs the assistance of a little blue pill?

Come on I am going to call BS that the majority of the male profiles of men over 60 say "Looking for women 25-40 who are attractive, athletic, independent, intelligent, financially sound, no kids, etc."


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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