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A Message from Michele
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Re: Onward and Upward! [Re: 97Hope] #2915001
02/14/21 04:56 PM
02/14/21 04:56 PM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 446
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97Hope Offline OP
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97Hope  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 446
I wish our forum lived closer, too!!! I would love to have coffee with you guys.

I have a great network here. I hid what was happening for a long time, based on the hope/dream of a recon, but I eventually started telling my closer friends.

As I was developing those relationships more, I found that when I'm authentic, good friendships follow. A wise DBer has that as his tagline : )

You have me thinking about friendships this morning...

---------------------------------
Figuring out who I am outside of being a W took a while. Still a work in progress, I think. But the right people have stayed around and new, great friendships have begun to grow.

Not worried about appearances or fear of abandonment is like an albatross removed from my neck. Having peace with those that come, or go, out of my life brings joy and contentment.

I'm musing also, because a friend texted this morning concerned about me driving to work tomorrow morning. She asked that I text her when I get there. I said "I don't want you to worry, but I sure feel special that you are thinking about me!" She was married 23 years and her X left and married is AP 3 months later. That was 3 years ago. She is now engaged to a wonderful man.

I was at a party at her house last summer and I was envious with how well she handled her X being there (without AP) - how kind she was to him, etc. I also noticed how X would look at her with longing in his eyes when he didn't think anyone was looking.

I've since talked to her, I had no idea about their history, but I told her that at some point I would like to be in that place. She has been a rock for me.

I don't know, maybe we would or would not have become as close, but the end result is a beautiful friendship where we accept each other exactly as we are, encourage growth, and have a spiritual bond too, both being Christian.

------------------

I hope that anyone new to the boards can take some encouragement today that as hard as it is, as bad as you feel, this can be an opportunity for YOU.

The sooner you take your eyes off of your X, the better you will feel, the more you can focus on your own journey, and the more peace you will find.

Reach out, post often and know you are NOT alone.

Happy Valentine's Day to my sweet friends (((((hugs))))

x

Re: Onward and Upward! [Re: 97Hope] #2916004
03/05/21 01:50 AM
03/05/21 01:50 AM
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 151
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Elbereth Offline
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Elbereth  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by 97Hope
I hope that anyone new to the boards can take some encouragement today that as hard as it is, as bad as you feel, this can be an opportunity for YOU.

The sooner you take your eyes off of your X, the better you will feel, the more you can focus on your own journey, and the more peace you will find.

Reach out, post often and know you are NOT alone.


This! I'm working on it! smile


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7
2 Step Ss (18 and 20)
2nd MR for both

Re: Onward and Upward! [Re: 97Hope] #2916009
03/05/21 02:48 AM
03/05/21 02:48 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,838
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CWarrior Offline
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CWarrior  Offline
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Originally Posted by 97Hope
I found that when I'm authentic, good friendships follow. A wise DBer has that as his tagline : ) Not worried about appearances or fear of abandonment is like an albatross removed from my neck. Having peace with those that come, or go, out of my life brings joy and contentment.

Hi Hope, I can't believe I missed your message until now, or maybe it was just awaiting the right day to find me! Wise words. As you aspire to how she handles her ex, I aspire to your authenticity and fearlessness. No update in a bit--I hope March finds you doing as well as February. (:


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Onward and Upward! [Re: 97Hope] #2916124
03/07/21 09:37 AM
03/07/21 09:37 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 712
HI
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CanBird Offline
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HI
97Hope, I hide my situation from all my family and friends IRL for months. Thank goodness for all of you here. This forum was my only outlet. Posting my pain here, got me through the toughest times. and this forum and all you here continue to do that.

YES, talk to friends! THAT was the biggest mistake I made, was not confiding in anyone when I was mentally falling apart. You are so right on so many levels. ((HUGS)) and cheers to us that keep on keepin on and remain strong.

We may fall down, but we get back up again.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Re: Onward and Upward! [Re: 97Hope] #2916473
03/13/21 09:42 PM
03/13/21 09:42 PM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 704
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dillydaf Offline
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dillydaf  Offline
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Hi hope, tracked you down to here! I so agree about friendships. I think that since BD my relationships with my friends (and actually with my kids) have been more authentic and honest and deeper and more fulfilling as a result. I think I got so used to not being myself with H and covering up an imperfect marriage, that hiding who I was was habitual. BD blew everything apart including my defences. And aren't vulnerable friends so much better in every way than those people pretending everything is fine?
You sound like you're in a good place. Definite positives come out of this whole sorry mess. I once listened to a podcast which likened marriage rupture to a mirror being smashed. Afterwards you can make a mosaic from the pieces. In our case, our husbands didn't have the inner strength to work on themselves or the marriage, but we are busy making our very own beautiful, glittering and imperfectly perfect mosaics smile

Re: Onward and Upward! [Re: dillydaf] #2916762
03/19/21 01:35 AM
03/19/21 01:35 AM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 446
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97Hope Offline OP
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97Hope  Offline OP
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Posts: 446
DILLY!!!!!!! wow. sooo sooo glad to 'see' you! I've thought about you so much over the last year or so!! Yes, our mosaics...what a great analogy. Mine is still a work in progress, of course, and some days I think i've got the hang of it, but piecing it all together still cuts me some days.


CWar - I'm glad you read it when you needed it. : )

All,

Things have been crazy around here. New job and the training is tough but amazing. I've been on nights (8p-8a) and I'm finally feeling like I've acclimated for the most part.

Blocked XH from phone, but he emailed a copy of my car title (I paid off my car!!) and I responded with "please forward to my address) and he writes back "I did, just wanted to give you a digital copy...blah blah".

I didn't respond. It aggravated me that he opened my mail and is trying to be a "look at what a nice guy I am I scanned it in for you"

....I just see him a lot different now. Something finally fell into place. He was trying to be my friend, and I don't want to be his. I want to just keep him in the past.

Haven't met anyone yet. Decided to wait a bit longer (I felt I was ready and IC said as much) but had a couple set backs last month that made me hesitant.

People at work are amazing. My partner said "I don't know any guys that are good enough for you". I laughed but he said, no. I'm serious. Take your time. You deserve the best.

So I'm taking it slow.

I did flirt with a guy at the market and it was fun. Only a little sad that I didn't ask him for coffee, but that's really not my style so, glad at least i'm finding the fun in being single.

Not much else. Hate that I can't sit down with people IRL right now very often. I have been struggling with loneliness a little, but work helps. Actually, I spend my days off looking forward to work so I can see real people. lol

More later, just wanted to catch up and say hi. Hope everyone is doing well.

x

Re: Onward and Upward! [Re: 97Hope] #2916813
03/19/21 10:29 PM
03/19/21 10:29 PM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 446
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97Hope Offline OP
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97Hope  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 446
I don't know who needs to read this today, but I signed the paperwork completely removing myself from my "dream house". 20 years of saving and planning and dreaming, I got to live in it for 5 years.

You know what? I felt NOTHING! I arranged to meet the title company and it's done. And then I had tacos. : )

3 years ago, I thought my life was over. I couldn't breath when I thought about life without X. I didn't know how I would survive. I could NOT accept that my M might be over.

Today, I am strong. I started a new career. I have friends, I work out, I have good days and bad...like everyone else on the planet.

What I don't have? Anxiety and stress over who X is with, when/if D is coming, what mood he's going to be in today, what he thinks about me, what he thinks about...anything.

Stay the course, friend. GAL, keep going, cry when you need to, be ok, be not ok...just keep going. Onward and upward.

There is peace in letting go. There is relief in letting go. There is joy in living in that peace.

The pain you feel now? Ride it out. It will pass. Each wave will get further apart and less acute. Breathe. Accept. Release.

Big hugs to everyone. <3

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