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A Message from Michele
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Wife seems mentally unstable #2912170
01/08/21 10:30 PM
01/08/21 10:30 PM
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 1
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breezy1 Offline OP
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breezy1  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 1
After 3 years of marriage, my wife left and took the kids to a hotel overnight because she says she is angry that I did not give her flowers for her birthday. She had been happy with her birthday until sometime the prior afternoon.

Now I am worried about long-term mental stability. Running away and taking kids because of flowers?

Am I thinking straight?

Re: Wife seems mentally unstable [Re: breezy1] #2912171
01/08/21 10:31 PM
01/08/21 10:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,279
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,279
NY
Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

Yes first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

and Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.

Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554

Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...ain=57819&Number=2578224#Post2578224

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-67, D34,S33
Re: Wife seems mentally unstable [Re: breezy1] #2912173
01/08/21 10:41 PM
01/08/21 10:41 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,138
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Posts: 6,138
No you are thinking straight. She’s either mentally unstable or there is more to the story.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Wife seems mentally unstable [Re: breezy1] #2912174
01/08/21 10:41 PM
01/08/21 10:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,250
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CWarrior Offline
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CWarrior  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,250
Hi Breezy,

It sounds weird, but many disagreements do when you only hear one side. We don't know what the marriage was like for her before, why those flowers were important to her, and whether she told you they were important to her (more than once). Maybe you could fill us in as if your story were new to us?

Please note, if anything makes you feel she's a danger to herself or your children call 9-1-1. In most states, there are laws covering emergency mental evaluations. That's not for if she's just quirky or bipolar.

I'm sorry you are here and going through this. ((Hugs))


May'19 - Separation... Dec'19 - Breakup #1... Oct'20 - Breakup #2.... Jan'21 - Breakup #3
"We are never, ever, ever getting back together." -- T.Swift
Re: Wife seems mentally unstable [Re: breezy1] #2912178
01/08/21 11:18 PM
01/08/21 11:18 PM
Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 170
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SaltyDog Offline
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SaltyDog  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2020
Posts: 170
I'm not an expert, but in my experience it's never really about the flowers.

Re: Wife seems mentally unstable [Re: breezy1] #2912187
01/09/21 01:20 AM
01/09/21 01:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,416
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SteveLW Offline
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SteveLW  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,416
Originally Posted by breezy1
After 3 years of marriage, my wife left and took the kids to a hotel overnight because she says she is angry that I did not give her flowers for her birthday. She had been happy with her birthday until sometime the prior afternoon.

Now I am worried about long-term mental stability. Running away and taking kids because of flowers?

Am I thinking straight?


This seems very unreasonable. Are there other things going on in your marriage?


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Wife seems mentally unstable [Re: breezy1] #2912718
01/15/21 02:06 PM
01/15/21 02:06 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
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sandi2 Offline
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sandi2  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
Welcome Breezy, what are the ages of you & W?

Does she have a history of being dramatic?


Last edited by sandi2; 01/15/21 02:07 PM.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: Wife seems mentally unstable [Re: sandi2] #2913006
01/19/21 05:54 PM
01/19/21 05:54 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
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sandi2 Offline
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sandi2  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
Breezy...........you still here?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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