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A Message from Michele
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Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2910836
12/17/20 05:06 PM
12/17/20 05:06 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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Originally Posted by ScottB
I need to create another forum that is my own personal quote list of all the things you all write that are spot on; not one for everyone but one just for me.


I used a note taking app on my smartphone. I would cut and paste the on the money quotes into the note app. Also, I kept Sandi's 37 rules there. When interactions would come up I would refer to it. Sandi's 37 rules kept me from making mistakes in DBing 95% of the time. The closer to 100% you can get that percentage the better off you will be!


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2910867
12/17/20 06:36 PM
12/17/20 06:36 PM
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ScottB Offline OP
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So this is the email I sent:
------------
I believe it is important for our kids to see your parents, so yes, I have no problem with them going at a later date.
If you would prefer wrapping the gifts I am fine with that. Would you rather me put the presents in the garage for you to grab or plan to come over on the 22nd when we are at my parents celebrating Christmas?

What you presented for Christmas and Christmas Eve is sounds good. Letís attend the 3pm mass. That will make it easier to get dinner on at a decent hour.
I had thought we determined Christmas would be over here back when we discussed separating but I can understand how you would want to have some of it at your house. What would you propose?

It is important to me to be with daughter when she wakes up. I donít want to miss that moment.

-------------

And this is the email I got back:
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Thank you for letting me move the week. Once COVID settles, I will plan something and let you know as soon as I have an idea of when to make sure itíll work.

I will come wrap on the 22nd. Please let me know what time you will be gone so I can plan accordingly.

We had discussed spending Christmas the four of us but none of those details. Going forward, we need to do a better job with communication and it being a discussion.
-------------

She didn't really answer the question related to the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day plan, I guess I assume that we will do it here?

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2910871
12/17/20 06:45 PM
12/17/20 06:45 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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I would respond to that. She has shown a desire to to communicate better. So come back with something like:

"I agree that we need to communicate better related to co-parenting. Here are my thoughts: I feel that we should make this as normal of a Christmas as possible for the kids considering all we are dealing with this year. For that reason I feel we should spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning here, since is the home they are most familiar with."

Funny how WASs logic is so fuzzy. "Let's communicate better, but I am not going to answer your question." LOL So try to clarify your assumption.


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2910873
12/17/20 06:46 PM
12/17/20 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottB
I was reading one of Michelle's old posts:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=75744#Post75744

I thought number 7 was interesting. Thoughts on recommending this as an idea to help us co-parent and improve communication for the kids?

7)SEEK COUNSELING FOR FAMILIES GOING THROUGH DIVORCE!


We had our kids in counselling. I don't think he was the greatest, but the thing I liked the most was he was a tie breaker.

Example:
Should kids attend a funeral? If the parents disagree, there is a "professional" that can help the parents make a decision that is in the best for the kids.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: SteveLW] #2910875
12/17/20 06:48 PM
12/17/20 06:48 PM
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LH19 Online
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Originally Posted by Steve85
I would respond to that. She has shown a desire to to communicate better. So come back with something like:

"I agree that we need to communicate better related to co-parenting. Here are my thoughts: I feel that we should make this as normal of a Christmas as possible for the kids considering all we are dealing with this year. For that reason I feel we should spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning here, since is the home they are most familiar with."

Funny how WASs logic is so fuzzy. "Let's communicate better, but I am not going to answer your question." LOL So try to clarify your assumption.

Originally Posted by Steve85
I would respond to that. She has shown a desire to to communicate better. So come back with something like:

"I agree that we need to communicate better related to co-parenting. Here are my thoughts: I feel that we should make this as normal of a Christmas as possible for the kids considering all we are dealing with this year. For that reason I feel we should spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning here, since is the home they are most familiar with."

Funny how WASs logic is so fuzzy. "Let's communicate better, but I am not going to answer your question." LOL So try to clarify your assumption.


I would also add we should communicate only through email so there is no confusion.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2910877
12/17/20 07:03 PM
12/17/20 07:03 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottB

And this is the email I got back:
-------------
Thank you for letting me move the week. Once COVID settles, I will plan something and let you know as soon as I have an idea of when to make sure itíll work.

I will come wrap on the 22nd. Please let me know what time you will be gone so I can plan accordingly.

We had discussed spending Christmas the four of us but none of those details. Going forward, we need to do a better job with communication and it being a discussion.
-------------

She didn't really answer the question related to the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day plan, I guess I assume that we will do it here?


Right now is a good time to send here multiple emails. Draft up all of them. After you flush them out, send them out fairly close together. This is a quick start:

#1) Communication
H:"I agree that we need to communicate better related to co-parenting. To help reduce confusion, I propose we keep emails to one topic. I will respond to the other topic shortly."

#2) Visit to grandparents


#3) Wrapping presents
H:"W, On the 22nd, I will be at the gym at the gym from 6AM- 9AM, does this work for you? If not what time would?"

or

H:"W, On the 22nd, I have some things to take care away from the house of from 6AM- 10AM, does this work for you? If not what time would?"

#4) Christmas 2020








"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2910897
12/17/20 09:28 PM
12/17/20 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottB
I need to create another forum that is my own personal quote list of all the things you all write that are spot on; not one for everyone but one just for me.

Why hog the quoutes? PAy it forward. Use the knowledge that is being given to you freely and gladly to help those that come after you. Like newborn hatchlings they emerge raw and vunerable to this forum that most stumble upon, only to be taken under the wing of a senior member and nursed back to health. There is ample raward and joyin helping others.

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: SteveLW] #2910949
12/18/20 03:16 AM
12/18/20 03:16 AM
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ScottB Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Steve85
I would respond to that. She has shown a desire to to communicate better. So come back with something like:

"I agree that we need to communicate better related to co-parenting. Here are my thoughts: I feel that we should make this as normal of a Christmas as possible for the kids considering all we are dealing with this year. For that reason I feel we should spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning here, since is the home they are most familiar with."

Funny how WASs logic is so fuzzy. "Let's communicate better, but I am not going to answer your question." LOL So try to clarify your assumption.


Ok Steve, I went with your recommendation on this one. I added:

"Let me know what you think".

After what you recommended.

Last edited by ScottB; 12/18/20 03:16 AM.
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2910960
12/18/20 12:25 PM
12/18/20 12:25 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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FTR, I like R2C's suggestion to have email threads for each topic. Much easier to go back and check than one being running email thread.


M(51), W(52),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont4.) [Re: ScottB] #2911042
12/20/20 01:12 AM
12/20/20 01:12 AM
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ScottB Offline OP
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It's so great to have the kids. I dealt with the general anxiety of my sitch yesterday but they just make it easier. Yesterday we made cookies, had dinner, put together our new grill (the STBXW took my old one), played some ping pong and then fired up the projector we bought. It is amazing. The picture is incredibly clear. I turned it on and it shot across the house and we suddenly had 10 foot tall football players in the kitchen. I was so excited I was laughing and jumping around. We all got such a kick out of it.

Then today I invited another family over and we hung out in my new party garage. We had brats, fired up the fire pit, played ping pong, and watched football on the screen with the new projector. My son connected the projector to the stereo. It was awesome.

After spending all day outside I am exhausted. Tomorrow we are planning to go skiiing most of the day, which should be a blast.

I think I'm doing okay on the GAL, I still miss my family (more than my wife, if that makes sense). I miss sharing the kids lives and mine with her. A day at a time. The next three should be lots of fun with lots planned.

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