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A Message from Michele
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Re: 3 months in [Re: rachel75] #2905423
10/10/20 05:01 PM
10/10/20 05:01 PM
Joined: Jul 2020
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Gigi123 Offline
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Gigi123  Offline
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I wouldnt file to scare him inti anything. Your emotions are running high because you want a resolution, like everyone says Its a marathon, one of those really really long ones. I just dont think that someone can just snap out of it and return to normal family life in 3 months having done what he did.

Im coming up to 7 months and the only reason i would file if i met someone who i wanted something serious with but im actually not ready for a relationship. I think this is all to fresh for you and him and personally even divorcing wont bring you closure you are seeking.

Continue db, give him space and time to sort himself out. Rachel last thing you need is him coming back not fully committed, integrating himself back into family life and then doing what he has already done to you so many times.

Do you have a timeline for yourself when you are really going to stop trying? A year on? 18 months? What do you feel is reasonable for you? I wouldnt even think now about him coming back and what that would look like at this stage. When he is serious about coming back because he realises he want you and you are his only plan! Not plan B! The. You can tell him that you need time to think.

Please take care of yourself

Re: 3 months in [Re: rachel75] #2905425
10/10/20 05:29 PM
10/10/20 05:29 PM
Joined: Aug 2020
Posts: 65
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rachel75 Offline OP
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rachel75  Offline OP
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Sorry just to clarify. I am not going to file right now because if I did, my motive would be to scare him. And I know that that is not right.

Re: 3 months in [Re: rachel75] #2905562
10/12/20 04:47 PM
10/12/20 04:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
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Pommy99 Offline
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Hi Rachel, sorry you are in this place. I agree with gigi that it's not a good idea to file unless you want him back right now, in the sorry mess that he's in, or, you are prepared to follow through with D if he doesn't come back right now.

You deserve to be respected and valued - he is showing neither of those. He's cake-eating, and hoping (even asking) that you'll wait in the wings in case things go wrong with OW.

DB like mad and go NC as much as you can.

Can I ask why you do want him back, given that this is not the first time it's happened? What qualities does he bring to your M?

Sending hugs!


M:49 H:49
T:20 M:18
D:16 D:14

EA: Feb 2019-Apr 2020
Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020
H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020
Re: 3 months in [Re: rachel75] #2905650
10/13/20 03:11 PM
10/13/20 03:11 PM
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Gigi123 Offline
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Gigi123  Offline
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How are you doing Rachel?

Re: 3 months in [Re: rachel75] #2905789
10/14/20 08:50 PM
10/14/20 08:50 PM
Joined: Aug 2020
Posts: 65
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rachel75 Offline OP
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rachel75  Offline OP
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Thanks Pommy. I am trying to go NC as much as I can. I have been doing really well with that except when he is here with the kids. I will think on your question.

A few weeks ago, someone called CPS on OW for having drugs sold out of her home. Of course, she thinks I was the caller. Today she sent me a series of messages on facebook. Really mean, f***ed up, accosting me type of messages. Telling me how she has done nothing but respect me as a woman and a mother, etc. That she hasn't done anything to me and has been trying to help my H through divorce and how to move on to be a better person afterward. (side note-she isnt even divorced.) A whole slew of BS. It really made me angry. She even gave me her phone number if I ever wanted to talk "as a woman" instead of "hiding behind lies."

I'm just really fed up. Fed up with the drama surrounding this entire situation. I deleted her phone number so I am not tempted to message her ever. Ironically I had unblocked her on FB the night H came home saying she dumped him. Just in case she had anything relevant to tell me, assuming he came back here. Needless to say, I really dont feel comfortable with my kids going there to their apartment in the future.

I just want to focus on getting better and on my kids. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope I can have a clear head when I get up in the morning.

Re: 3 months in [Re: rachel75] #2905822
10/15/20 12:26 PM
10/15/20 12:26 PM
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Gigi123 Offline
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Gigi123  Offline
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Well done Rachel for not lowering yourself to a level of OW and responding to nasty messages. Block her, delete phone number and crack on with your life. You know you have done nothing wrong, she can figure out her own life. Not sure why she is so keen on saving your H...but whatever each to their own.

There is a lot of drama to start with for some it continues, for others like me its all goes quiet woth not much happening, which is in many ways as difficult, as it feels like limbo.

All i can say is that from your messages you seem to getting to a better place, more stable, getting your priorities right and letting his drama play out but as far away from you and the kids as possible. Just keep detaching and moving forward.

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