Just wanted to point out that the advice I gave you related to dating is consistent with the advice I give to all LBSs contemplating it. I just gave the same advice to another poster late last week. It is pretty much the advice that all of the anti-D experts and authors I studied and read in my sitch give.
I think sometimes we LBSs feel singled out. But that is rarely the case.
Last edited by Steve85; 09/28/2007:57 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just wanted to point out that the advice I gave you related to dating is consistent with the advice I give to all LBSs contemplating it. I just gave the same advice to another poster late last week. It is pretty much the advice that all of the anti-D experts and authors I studied and read in my sitch give.
I think sometimes we LBSs feel singled out. But that is rarely the case.
I'm not taking anything personal....
And, as I said... maybe I end up going out and maybe not. I'm just realizing how much drama OLD really is... You have the fake profiles... the people that start talking and seem friendly and suddenly block you... I haven't actually agreed to meet anyone but I'm sure I'll get stood up at some point too...
FYI - my 10yr anniversary is Saturday. I choose to get married on my grandparents anniversary so I've remembered this date since I was a child...
Just for the record I never said your H wasn't going to want to recon I just said it wouldn't be on your 1 year deadline. I also don't think he's repulsed by you I think he just resents you right now. Based on his history of monkey branching he may see you as a viable branch when him and OW go south.
I never really understood the whole seperation thing and why you just didn't move straight to D? That would help you in the dating world being divorced. When it moves to D you are just going to have to rehash all the old wounds.
As for dating well I definitely see this as a ploy by you to leave no stoned unturned in the desperate attempt to get him to change his mind. I find it hard to believe that you have no mutual friends or somehow this information won't be leaked.
As for OLD yes it is frustrating and agree with Ginger that most people (not just men) are looking for a relationship or to have sex. Truthfully at our age I think women want sex more then men. I would just be careful if I were you because in my estimation you haven't had your tree trimmed in a really long time and you may end doing something you might regret. Nothing reminds you more that you are currently single then an early morning walk of shame.
Just for the record I never said your H wasn't going to want to recon I just said it wouldn't be on your 1 year deadline. I also don't think he's repulsed by you I think he just resents you right now. Based on his history of monkey branching he may see you as a viable branch when him and OW go south.
Weird... gives me some strange comfort to feel he only resents me and isn't repulsed by me. 6month I thought a year was forever and such a long way away. But, I've done more reading here and other sights and it does seem that most turn arounds happen in 2-3 yr. Would I wait 2yr? If I knew that his heart might soften to what we once had most likely but its all a crap shoot. Frankly, its hard to see/know he is so involved with OW.
Originally Posted by LH19
I never really understood the whole seperation thing and why you just didn't move straight to D? That would help you in the dating world being divorced. When it moves to D you are just going to have to rehash all the old wounds.
Its health care coverage for myself and S19. It doesn't cost any to my H to keep up covered medically and if I had to carry a policy it would set me back seriously financially. Especially now that S19 is off at college and S19's dad hasn't paid a dime of what he was court ordered to pay so I'm covering him 100%. He was already ordered by a judge but its been over a month and nothing has changed.
If I D --- no health care. Hence dragging it out is my best option right now. AND, H is aware. I think its the one reason he hasn't hired atty at this point and moved it to D. He doesn't want to do that to me.
Originally Posted by LH10
As for dating well I definitely see this as a ploy by you to leave no stoned unturned in the desperate attempt to get him to change his mind. I find it hard to believe that you have no mutual friends or somehow this information won't be leaked.
Nope - no mutual friends. Keep in mind we live an hour apart. My H works in another town where he is from. Any friends he had in the town we lived in were mine. Any mutual friends on FB he deleted months ago. I will never see him or anyone who knows him and vice versa now. His mother calls on rare occasion but she talks about herself and inquires a little about S19. I never tell her what I'm doing outside of saying I'm well. Sure she talks about getting together for lunch or coffee but that will never happen.
Originally Posted by LH19
As for OLD yes it is frustrating and agree with Ginger that most people (not just men) are looking for a relationship or to have sex. Truthfully at our age I think women want sex more then men. I would just be careful if I were you because in my estimation you haven't had your tree trimmed in a really long time and you may end doing something you might regret. Nothing reminds you more that you are currently single then an early morning walk of shame.
I don't casually sleep around. Never have. I'm not sure what it is I'm doing for sure. Maybe just looking to do something different.
Just for the record I never said your H wasn't going to want to recon I just said it wouldn't be on your 1 year deadline. I also don't think he's repulsed by you I think he just resents you right now. Based on his history of monkey branching he may see you as a viable branch when him and OW go south.
Weird... gives me some strange comfort to feel he only resents me and isn't repulsed by me. 6month I thought a year was forever and such a long way away. But, I've done more reading here and other sights and it does seem that most turn arounds happen in 2-3 yr. Would I wait 2yr? If I knew that his heart might soften to what we once had most likely but its all a crap shoot. Frankly, its hard to see/know he is so involved with OW.
So the old KC boundary of "If you cheat on me, it is over" is really "If you cheat on me, its okay. And if it takes you 2-3 years to leave the affair and come back that is fine as long as it is reasonable for me to believe your heart might soften towards me at some point"??
Wow.
Originally Posted by LH19
I never really understood the whole seperation thing and why you just didn't move straight to D? That would help you in the dating world being divorced. When it moves to D you are just going to have to rehash all the old wounds.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Its health care coverage for myself and S19. It doesn't cost any to my H to keep up covered medically and if I had to carry a policy it would set me back seriously financially. Especially now that S19 is off at college and S19's dad hasn't paid a dime of what he was court ordered to pay so I'm covering him 100%. He was already ordered by a judge but its been over a month and nothing has changed.
If I D --- no health care. Hence dragging it out is my best option right now. AND, H is aware. I think its the one reason he hasn't hired atty at this point and moved it to D. He doesn't want to do that to me.
I've told you this before. I will reiterate. Decisions on S and D made solely on money are rarely the right ones, nor are they decisions that will help you move forward. Again, what if your husband were to die suddenly? How would you handle HC then?
Originally Posted by LH10
As for dating well I definitely see this as a ploy by you to leave no stoned unturned in the desperate attempt to get him to change his mind. I find it hard to believe that you have no mutual friends or somehow this information won't be leaked.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Nope - no mutual friends. Keep in mind we live an hour apart. My H works in another town where he is from. Any friends he had in the town we lived in were mine. Any mutual friends on FB he deleted months ago. I will never see him or anyone who knows him and vice versa now. His mother calls on rare occasion but she talks about herself and inquires a little about S19. I never tell her what I'm doing outside of saying I'm well. Sure she talks about getting together for lunch or coffee but that will never happen.
These things have a way of making it back. I think deep down you know that.
Originally Posted by LH19
As for OLD yes it is frustrating and agree with Ginger that most people (not just men) are looking for a relationship or to have sex. Truthfully at our age I think women want sex more then men. I would just be careful if I were you because in my estimation you haven't had your tree trimmed in a really long time and you may end doing something you might regret. Nothing reminds you more that you are currently single then an early morning walk of shame.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I don't casually sleep around. Never have. I'm not sure what it is I'm doing for sure. Maybe just looking to do something different.
And you said you'd never put up with cheating either. It is funny how quickly we can set aside our principles to fit what we want at the moment.
Last edited by Steve85; 09/29/2002:37 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Of course if my H came back he would have to put in the hard work for sure. I wouldn't just take him back - there are so many variables.
As for healthcare. It is what it is. Medical care can bankrupt people. I'm struggling right now as it is.
As for things getting back to my H - trust me. There isn't any way. We know no one who knows us both - period. I know its a freak unique thing but we are living completely separate lives with no interconnection.
I don't know whats going to happen. I cannot predict the future. I can only be in the here and now and right now we have 100% NC.
Well my medical procedure today had a little rougher recovery than expected. I'm okay but it was a rough day. I was given more medication for sedation than typical for some complicated reasons and was not recovering the best. Especially sine I was home alone....
I don't mind being independent. I remember having major abdominal surgery and off work for 3 weeks about 5yr ago and told my H to not cancel his vacation that he had planned and was looking forward to 3 days after I got home. I was fine. My so was 14 at the time? I managed to recover, take care of kid and maintain a household. Even when I had a complication and had to return to the hospital --- while H was out of town no worries.
Today it just hit hard. This is my life. Not having my spouse to at least make me feel better the first 24hr after a medical procedure.
Its just a day and finally I'm starting to feel better though had to go pick up more medication for nausea.
This too shall pass I know.
Not a word from H since our financial meeting 7 days ago.
