Tuesdays I have my standing IC appt. My IC has heard plenty about my situation and is totally standing alone with my as I stand for my marriage.
Here's the thing, I have not needed to really speak to her the last couple of weeks. Nothing has changed at home, which is good it has not gotten worse it is just the same.
Don't get me wrong, I am continuing to GAL and I am addressing any conversation with him as cordial as I can be and really, he is doing the same with me.
Of course you can! A break from thinking about it too!
When my ex had his affair, I started training to climb Mt Whitney. It gave me something to focus on other than my marriage.
When he finally left several years later (we had reconciled after the affair but as he approached 50 MLC returned) I took up learning to play the drums. Again, it gave me something to focus on and think about other than my divorce.
I think somewhere in me I feel if I don’t keep it at the front of my thoughts, then I must not care enough.
Oh my, how I remember that!
You bet. I also had those thoughts and feelings of needing to keep W front and center. Ah, bargaining. It’s an interesting time. The last grasps at attempting to keep everything feeling “normal”.
Letting go happens after this. And then the feelings of depression of one’s loss. (((PLC))) You are perfectly fine and doing well.
Not letting go. Remaining vigilant in proving just how much you care. Is like lighting yourself on fire to try to get smoke in your spouse’s eyes.
Focus on you. Pursue you.
Realize the sameness of your situation, the weeks of nothing different is happening. The drama has settled. Enter the time of limbo.
Originally Posted by PLC
Can one just need a break from talking about it?
Absolutely!
Indifference is upon you. Don’t worry or fret when things feel numb, it is quite normal. And your feelings will return.
Continue moving forward and let go.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I am beginning to feel frustrated. Frustrated with the situation.
He has done nothing different. I am doing my own thing. I think that the monotony of the situation with him is doing this. He is very much avoidant of home life.
It is weird. I came home from work yesterday as he was leaving the house. I said hello and he replied. I asked if he was leaving and he said, "yes, i'll be right back" I didn't reply. Its the way he says things. Very mumbly, no eye contact.
I think it would have been weird had we not said anything.
I am continuing to GAL but I wonder if he is planning anytime to head out to visit OW (or at least try). I think that is somewhat waiting for another shoe to drop. I think back and when he came home from being out of the coutry working, It took him almost 4 months to seem like he was coming out of the fog. That lasted until May when I disovered OW2, and then he slowly began to turn towards himself that he eventually asked for a D at the end of July.
Well, I think I know why I was frustrated. H has, during this sitch left a locked suitcase ready to go. Yesterday, I noticed he had moved it around. This morning, his truck is here and the suitcase and a duffel are gone. I am frustrated because he was planning on going away and didn’t tell me, that he was going or when he will return. I am sure he is trying to go see OW2 and the person that he either went with or took him to the airport is a subordinate.
I feel if he was going for work he would tell me. Do I reach out and ask when he is returning, or do I only reach out if it is an emergency?
My only emotion is irritation that he didn’t tell me. I really had a feeling he was going to try and see her.
I really have no reason to text unless there is a an emergency and honestly, I don’t care when he is coming home.
If he was leaving for good, he left A LOT of stuff I know he values. So this is just a vacation.
So, is there any negative to me not asking when he will be home and if not, any behavior I should exhibit when does come back?
If there is, what should I NOT do? I can be very sarcastic at times and my instinct upon return is to make some snarky comment. So this is why I need to know how to approach.
Standing is a difficult road to walk; not for the faint of heart.
We take our focus off our spouse and let go. They need to, and will anyhow, running in whatever direction they feel is right. The standing LBS is walking a path to outlast the MLC, not fix it.
H is currently doing his thing, whatever that may be. He didn’t tell you, so no pressure and let it be. You don’t want to be a “cause” for him to incorrectly blame. Remember he is looking for “reasons” to justify his mixed up narrative. “It just can’t be me” is still playing within his head.
It’s ok not to contact him, he is the one who left without any word after all.
Your feelings are most understandable. Do keep your expectations to zero, H is irrational and his empathy chip is broken.
Hang in there. (((Hugs)))
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
