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KCŚI just want to say that I think you have come a long way already. You seem to have made a significant shift, and that is something to feel good about. Your strength is increasing and it shows in your posts.

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Originally Posted by KitCat
Why can't he pick a day???


Because you are dealing with a selfish lying cheater.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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KC,

Do you realize that you play a significant role in prolonging your sitch? You continue to enable the dynamic.

I'd highly recommend what has already been recommended to you. ONLY communicate with your H via email. Be the driver of your life, instead of continuing to be a passenger with a reckless driver and complaining about his driving....when you KNOW he is a reckless driver.

You have more influence on your sitch than you realize. You are just to scared to do anything about it. Why?

Give him a date and stick to it. Don't give him options. He's flakier than a Colorado Blizzard.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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KC, your H has no incentive to push the D through. I think it's pretty clear he is not going to participate voluntarily. I said this before and I will say it again- it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY he is going to hand you a 50k advantage in the D. Whatever promises he has made are just as valuable and reliable as his commitment to "have and hold, until death do us part" was. So dismiss your idea of waltzing this through easily with a big fat payday for you because it's just not going to happen. You have a decision to make, it's one of two choices:

1. Quit pressuring H about the D, he doesn't want it so just forget it. Tell your L it's tabled for now. Go completely dark in every sense of the word. 100% dark. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. If he serves you papers you deal with it then.

2. Pursue D. Tell your L that H is not cooperating and apparently does not intend to follow through with any of the paperwork, so ask what your next step is to push it through (I presume it would be to file papers and then have him served). Go completely dark in every sense of the word. 100% dark. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. Everything goes through your L.

Pick one or the other and commit to it. You're just driving yourself mad with all this wishy washy behavior you're engaging in.

Also note what both of the above options have in common. Go dark.

And now I have a challenge for you. Do not post "AS you make some good points" and then go right back to the exact same behavior that's getting you nowhere. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. You've been camped out at the entrance to a cheeseless tunnel for far too long.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by LITB
Do you realize that you play a significant role in prolonging your sitch? You continue to enable the dynamic.


This x 10000000000


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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What's my strongest urge?... to bury my head into the sand.

I have NO respect for him at this moment.... NONE.

Its still hard --- pulling the trigger on the D I don't want.

So I push him to get this done.... OR I just tell my L to serve him with D papers...

And, what happens if I choose to do nothing??? What happens if I just give myself more time and space... and I give him more time and space???

This is NOT easy. I'm angry and frustrated at so many things right now.

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Ok. I think it's pretty simple.

Have your lawyer draw up what you believe this amazing deal to be and then send it over to him for signature.

He signs and you have your amazing deal. He balks and you put in on hold until he files.


M:51 W:46
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´┐ŻHappiness equals reality minus expectations´┐Ż- Magliozzi
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KC,

I suggest that you take a few days and then make the decision as to whether you want to push forward on the divorce or not. Why take a few days? Because you are emotional right now and the only way that you are going to make a good decision is when you are calmer and more settled.

If you truly don't want the divorce, then don't proceed, just table it for now. If he truly wants it, he'll get his arse in gear and see a lawyer and proceed from there.

Some of these kooks play games. My xh played and played and I was beating my head up against a wall about a divorce, etc. When I tabled it w/my lawyer and advise him that he was to cease responding to my xh's crazy lawyer's lettters, that's when he finally got his arse in gear and filed himself.

Sometimes, it better to do absolutely nothing and let things ride out. You've gone above and beyond attempting to do the right thing w/your kooky h. Now it is time for him to either sh*t or get off the pot.

Step back and allow this situation to play out for a while. Go dark, do not respond to any more of his calls/texts about the paperwork. You've tried numerous times to get things done. Now, it's his turn to step up to the plate.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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The problem as I see it? KC questions why he's not more committed to D in the hopes he doesn't really want to D. What she can't see is that a lying cheater being too lazy to see a D through isn't the same as not wanting a D. He wants a D. He's just too lazy to do the work.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
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Originally Posted by Steve85
The problem as I see it? KC questions why he's not more committed to D in the hopes he doesn't really want to D. What she can't see is that a lying cheater being too lazy to see a D through isn't the same as not wanting a D. He wants a D. He's just too lazy to do the work.


Yes...

I'm tired...

I'm confused but that 100% on me.

I think I will just drop it. He knows there is paperwork to go over and sign. He knows how to get a hold of me. I am going to do nothing right now.

I'm getting to the end of my rope and seeing the reality that I might actually pull the rip cord and move this to divorce. That baffles me at the moment but I am not closed off to that.

I'm going to spend the next few days hanging with my kid and packing for college. We got this!!!!

AND - on happier news sailing trip to Mexico is a go!!!!!!

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