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As the previous thread was at 99 posts, I am starting a new thread.

Previous Thread: Completely lost, where am I?

My last post in the Previous thread:

Originally Posted by Steve85

Maybe that's what needs to happen.

You deserve someone that is willing to move mountains to be with you. Find a new job. Go to IC to work through past hurts. The more hurdles you give her the more you'll see her commitment to working on things.

So what does R look like to you?


Perhaps, but I am not going to ask for her to quit her job, if she decides to that is her choice. I am distancing from that and letting her have the room to be her.

Are you asking what the R looks like to me now or the future R that I want?


Originally Posted by ovrrnbw

Gotcha. Never heard of that. It's a GAL tool then?


Exactly. Bumble has 3 modes. Dating mode for obvious reasons. BFF mode for finding people of the same sex as pure friends to hang out with. Finally, Bizz mode is more like LinkedIn in that is for professional networking. I am using it in BFF mode only.

Originally Posted by ovrrnbw

We all have a choice. People who have affairs and want to work on their marriage quit their jobs if they must. That's what Neffer is saying. And that's why Neffer is saying to protect yourself, this WW of yours is still talking to OM and that is not good.


So I should force her to quit her job? How is that not pressuring and pursuing? I cannot imagine handing down an ultimatum like that would go over too well. Again I have made my peace with divorce being the outcome if it comes to that. So she either fixes her s**t or she doesn't and I leave. I haven't decided what it is yet, but there is a time limit on my patience waiting on her to get over the past and be ready to start moving forward. My current thinking is probably by early Nov, but maybe first of the year. After that, we are either on the same path moving forward toward reconciliation or I'm out. I will be 47 in a bit over a month, and I'm not wasting too much time on someone that may never come back to me. If I have to start over, I want to get started well before I turn 50. I have point blank told the W this too.

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So last night the wife wanted to do a couples painting (our MC had suggested we draw something together but wife preferred painting). So we did. We had fun and it actually came out pretty good despite the fact I have absolutely zero artistic talent.

Before we started, W said she wanted some drinks while doing it and was concerned we didn't have enough ice and asked me to go buy some. I said no. She then asked what she should do if we ran out of ice. I replied "I don't know what to tell you but I'm not going to go buy ice". (Responses like this are why I don't see NGS in myself. I don't mind doing a favor on occasion, but I am most definitely not an A** kisser). The W managed to ration the ice and have a couple of drinks while we painted. Afterwards we had sex. Overall I had a good time. I know it doesn't mean anything but that doesn't mean it wasn't enjoyable.

Today we have MC, in fact W is doing her solo part of the session right now. She was planning on asking for help getting over the past, so we'll see what kind of advice she gets. I really do think that she wants to get over the past, I also fully realize that if she can't we are as good as divorced. I am hoping for the former but prepared for the latter and I know I will thrive either way.

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On a side note, the description on Amazon for the SSM book seems to indicate it may have solutions for getting over unresolved R issues. Does anyone know if it has anything that might help my W and/or my sitch at this point?

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Originally Posted by TheTexan
On a side note, the description on Amazon for the SSM book seems to indicate it may have solutions for getting over unresolved R issues. Does anyone know if it has anything that might help my W and/or my sitch at this point?


It certainly cannot hurt! Knowledge is power!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018

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