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Mumin Offline OP
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Part 2: Part 2

Very short recap:
Me: 34
STBXW: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019

Christmas sucked!
January was a lot of chaos
Feb
-Finally had enough and changed my mindset
-Understanding DB for real and getting more control. GAL etc
-I told the kids about situation late February.
-Wife admitted seeing OM. A colleague from work.
March
-Working on DB and detachment
-Corona starts
-I filed for D.

Now.
-She is living 50% with OM, other 50% in our house. I am living in the house 100%.

Last two posts:
Me
Quote
Just met wife after being away for Easter.
Said hi, she opened for a hug.
Me-How are you?
W-I'm ok, I'm good. (Then I saw she was sad. Close to crying)
W-It feels strange and tough to see you now.
I went to say hi to kids who were still sitting in the car.

After having talked to the kids...
Me-Do you want to talk?
W-I don't know. Maybe. Do you?
Me-Well not now.

Silence.

Me-I guess you are off then? My tone turned. Look at her less.
I said good bye. Saw she was sad.
Didn't look at her leaving
She needed comfort but I didn't give it.


LH19
Quote
M,

Kind of a weird exchange.
You ask her if she wants to talk (big no no BTW)
She kind of hints that she does and you say “not now” but don’t put the ball in her court as to when this could happen.
Then you go cold on her.
I definitely wouldn’t of handled it that way.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 572
Likes: 5
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Mumin Offline OP
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Thanks for replying LH!
Agree it was weird, it is hard the times when I see her 5 minutes in a week.
So many feelings. I had just read the "Newcomer with WW" threads again and had anger inside.
I regretted asking if she wants to talk, immediately after. On the other hand it gave me a hint that she isnt sure about herself.

Stupid not to give her a time/date to talk!
You think I should suggest it? She knows we will see each other later this week when she has the kids again.

Update:
W is really strange...
As those of you who follow me know I repainted D5's room a few weeks back.
Now she had painted D2's room.
She had also bought new socks for kids, which I also did last week (So there was no need for more).
Its like she is following my moves to not be "worse" or something.
Typical W she also did a half-ass job with painting so there are spots on the floor and some places need more paint...
Also she apparently used my pants when painting and got some paint on them...
IT is water-based and can probably be clean but WTF?

Anyway. Would appreciate some input on how to move forward giving the strange exchange earlier today and if I should tell her she needs to clean my pants or just do it myself and tell her not to use them again.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,257
Likes: 6
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I get the feeling that you are kind of an a$$hole. Who gives a rat's a$$ about friggin pair of pants. Let it go. And durn the a$$hole dial waaaay down.

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Mumin Offline OP
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Thanks for the perspective on the pants Vapo.

I am not an a$$hole. Ask anyone of my friends. I am actually more NGS.
Always described as kind.
I was listening to her yesterday but lost track when I realized she was heading right off to OM.
Sometimes I have a hard time sorting and putting perspective on everything that I have read lately.

Just found packaging of a butt-blug in the trash. Just lying there for me to see.
Very frustrating!!
There is also dots of paint all over the floor that someone (she expecting me?) needs to clean...


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 572
Likes: 5
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Mumin Offline OP
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I need to mentally leave her!
Time can change things, but for the forseable future I must leave her.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 343
Likes: 1
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Originally Posted by Vapo
I get the feeling that you are kind of an a$$hole. Who gives a rat's a$$ about friggin pair of pants. Let it go. And durn the a$$hole dial waaaay down.


Bit harsh really - I would be pretty miffed if my WW messed up the carpet, my clothes and half fudged the paintwork. I'm very house proud and wouldnt want paint on my carpet or spotty walls - never mind on my clothes - Ok Mumin doesnt state if they were good clothes or not, but its dis respectful of the WW to mess up his clothes.. Hardly makes him an a$$hole in my opnion for not wanting his house or clothes ruined.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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Mumin Offline OP
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Thanks for more perspective mrbr.
The pants are functional sports wear so I only have one pair and not cheap.
But they are still not that important.
However just went by the hardware store and the the guy said "good luck" on the floors.
D2 has propably walked around with paint on her foot, it's in 3 of our rooms...
So will have to discuss this with W. Will have to be handled if we intend to sell the house.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,226
Likes: 60
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Mumin, I hate to break this to you, but the paint on your pants and the carpet are the least of your problems right now.

Your W is cheating and cake eating and you found butt plugs. And you are worried about some paint?

I know you probably feel like this is all you can control right now, but you really have some bigger fish to fry

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Exactamundo Ginger...

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Mumin Offline OP
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On phone.
I am fully aware of that Ginger. POST D I have been mainly using DB for Journaling.
This paint thing though had to be handled it not something I can work on for weeks/months.

Other things:
Picked up golfing during easter
Working out 3 times a week, plus small things at home
Reading and working on my NGS
Working on activities to always feel and be the best me with my IC
Trying to fully understand validation (this is hardest).
Figuring out where to live if we sell house (placed kids in queue to two other elementary schools)
Figuring out how to finance house if W agrees to lower valuation
Etc

Or did you have other things in mind?


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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