Since our last MC session last week, my W has officially quit her shift at the bar, reached out to my mother and thanked her for supporting me when my W wasn't, and she has gone to IC and has made weekly appointments for the next month. We go back to MC tonight. The only other thing we agreed on was her telling me every skeleton in her closet. She insists there are none and said fir me to go through her phone and ask her abt question on what I find. Honestly, I believe her there are no more OM so what other skeleton do I even want to hear about? By her quitting her bar shift, somewhere she has worked for 15 years and is friends with everyone there, it spoke volumes. Furthermore, she was afraid/nervous to speak to my mother, and she did. All of these are signs of how much she has changed. I can tell she loves me. I can tell she wants to be here with her family. But I also know a lot of hard work ahead of us to ensure this never happens again.
Also, I went to IC and began to realize I have some anger as a result of learning of OM 2 (one night stand before the A). I also have come to realize that I can't snoop through her phone so I can read a conversation about OM 1...I don't want to know anymore details. My W will continue to allow me access to her phone but I'm done searching for details. I realize now I never should've been digging so deep. I need to start to move forward while we work on our R while working on ourselves. I will look through her phone to see who she has been talking to rather than looking into convo's between her and her friends. I would always look to see if they were talking about the A or the OM.
One thing I learned in my sitch was that I did not want to be married to someone that I had to monitor forever. My suggestion to you is that you pick a date in the future that you want to stop monitoring her. This is for you, not her. Do not share it. Just say to yourself "6 months from now. I want to be secure in my MR that I do not have to monitor her". Note, that doesn't mean that you don't have full transparency, it means you do not use the transparency. It is the way my W and I are now. I have access to all of her accounts. But it has been almost a year since I exercised it (documented in my threads).
Onward and upward! Keep working Keep requiring her to work. Ring and piecing is a long long long process.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
