Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
Hope ~

Do the last 2 letters of your user name indicate your state of residence?

If so, look up Smith-Ostler. You mentioned you were having some financial hardship and I don't know if you have officially established support with your H. Normally, if he received a bonus, you would be entitled to some % of that bonus based on a complicated guideline calculator that spits out the number.

I didn't actually retain a lawyer for 8 months in my situation. But at the very beginning, I engaged in free consults and educated myself on the process, both with custody and finances. I was hoping not to have to use that knowledge, but it made me feel so much better knowing that, if things went that way, I knew what to expect.

Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
H
HopeCA Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
Hi all,

Im still here reading from time to time, but not posting at this time. But I would like some advice.

A few months ago H took up the habit of periodically texting D5 directly, on my phone obviously. For example Good morning [D5]! I hope you have a great day! or similar. It has always annoyed me and Ive sometimes ignored it, sometimes let D5 dictate a response, sometimes replies to him that Id relayed his message.

Interestingly, after his revelation about dating someone new, it stopped for a couple of weeks which was fine by me.

Now hes started doing it again. Texting D5, sometimes adding in a picture of her or including a message to me.

What I actually want to do is ignore it. I am trying to have as little contact with him as possible. The only thing stopping me is that I would not like it if he ignored my texts re D5 when she was with him.
The difference is, I wouldnt do this weird indirect thing he is doing. Ive at times asked him to say goodnight to her for me, or something similarly direct.

It feels like one of those things where if I just ignore it it could cause an issue. Asking him to stop doing it in this manner feels like it would come out petty and very attached sounding, and I do not wish to give him that satisfaction. (for the record, I do not believe my feelings around this are petty, I just think it would come across that way if I communicate it).

Any advice?

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
Hope ~

Idea:

H text: Good morning [D5]! I hope you have a great day!

You text: I will let D5 know you said good morning and have a great day.

??

Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
H
HopeCA Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
Hi unchien, yeah Ive done that a few times. The whole thing still annoys me, but I guess that might be the best compromise solution.

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
H text: Good morning [D5]! I hope you have a great day!

You text: Wrong number. This is Hope. But I'm having a great day, thanks!

Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
H
HopeCA Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
Haha!

You nailed it, unchien. THAT is how I feel about it.

Joined: May 2020
Posts: 99
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 99
I'm no expert in reconciliation, just a student of detachment. Never reply. Eventually, they stop texting more than once or twice a month. And never take their phone call. They can leave a message if it's actually important. It never is. If he's adding in pictures of his new friend, that's just rude. Ignore rude people. You're worth more than that. Eventually, he will figure that out. Best to help him along the path faster though.

-Spiral

Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 921
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 921
Hi Hope

It's been a while since I checked in and I am so sorry that things have taken this turn.

I know how you feel about the messages. Perhaps you could arrange for him to call at the same time everyday? Explain that you are not trying to stop him from speaking to your daughter, just that you are not a messaging service.

Re the photos. Yes, this is poor form on his part. Or, as Jennifer Anniston once said, "he is missing a sensitivity chip". State your boundaries "Sending me photos of your new GF is insensitive and I will not be passing them on to our daughter. She can look at them when she is with you".


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
H
HopeCA Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 300
Thanks spiral and FS

I need to clarify, he includes pictures of my D5 with his messages! NOT his GF!!

You can bet all youve got that if he sent me a pic of his GF I would let him have it with no fear. Omg that would be horrible!

D5 has not met this person and doesnt know she exists so far. So Im good there for now.

He is missing a sensitivity chip, but hes not that bad, thank god!!

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,556
Originally Posted by HopeCA
Haha!

You nailed it, unchien. THAT is how I feel about it.

I was serious with my response proposal. Have some fun with it. You might enjoy communicating this way (showing him how you will handle things) rather than trying to have heart-felt conversations with your thick-skulled H.

Page 6 of 8 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard