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A Message from Michele
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Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890643
03/27/20 12:50 PM
03/27/20 12:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
K
kto626 Offline OP
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kto626  Offline OP
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K
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Posts: 148
Quote
Thatís great that you were firm and told her the being in contact with OM is unacceptable. I say that tongue and cheek because it is acceptable to you. What are the consequences for her continuing. If there are none then itís a weak statement on your part.


Maybe giving her auto loan papers so she is forced to take on her own finances is something that I can do??? Again, she is paying me but making her put it in her name probably shows her I am taking steps to move forward without her.

Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890644
03/27/20 12:55 PM
03/27/20 12:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
L
LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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L
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K,

Look man I know this is difficult but seriously??? Thatís a consequence. If you donít stop talking to om Iíll put your car in your name.

What Iím trying to tell you and Iíll be more direct. Stop with the grandiose statements until you can back them up with something of substance. You have to get stronger first.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: LH19] #2890645
03/27/20 01:02 PM
03/27/20 01:02 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
K
kto626 Offline OP
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kto626  Offline OP
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K
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
Like what LH??? What can I do? Tell me.

Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890654
03/27/20 01:48 PM
03/27/20 01:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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I canít tell you that K it is up to you. My main suggestion was to just let her be instead of making idle threats.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: LH19] #2890660
03/27/20 02:23 PM
03/27/20 02:23 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
K
kto626 Offline OP
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kto626  Offline OP
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K
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
Okay, I agree with that. Found out I can't re-title the cars anyways cuz the state has shut that down. I'm truly in limbo with nothing I can do about anything. But today, it's about me being outside on a beautiful day. That I can control. Thanks, LH.

Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890668
03/27/20 04:41 PM
03/27/20 04:41 PM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 156
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LovingIt Offline
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@kto626 -

2 months after BD is still really early, and your emotions are all over the place day to day - we have all been there. You don't need to do anything drastic right now to push her along. It sounds like you want to take legal steps to shake her out of her affair fog. NC and GAL should be sufficient if you do it properly for sustained amount of time.

Use the time to get grow yourself and get your confidence back. Watch YouTube videos and read books. There are a lot of good inspirational material out there about happiness coming from within.

Last edited by LovingIt; 03/27/20 04:42 PM.
Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890670
03/27/20 05:10 PM
03/27/20 05:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
K
kto626 Offline OP
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kto626  Offline OP
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Quote
2 months after BD is still really early, and your emotions are all over the place day to day - we have all been there. You don't need to do anything drastic right now to push her along. It sounds like you want to take legal steps to shake her out of her affair fog. NC and GAL should be sufficient if you do it properly for sustained amount of time.


You are absolutely right. I am all over the place because it is still sinking in. I will GAL as much as I can. Thanks, LovingIt. When I have detached and stopped chasing, she tries to swoop in and hook me back. But I am not falling for it anymore. She just came by to take the dog for a walk and I remained civil but said nothing. I know it is driving her crazy.

This morning, unprompted, I received a text from her that said, " I don't want to argue I am just beyond burnt out emotionally from all of this. I understand you are burnt out too and want me to give you answers."

First off, I didn't respond and nor have I asked for any answers over the last few weeks (I did the first month or so). However, I have learned not to ask questions. Secondly, why would she send me that? To hook me again? We did have a minor argument yesterday regarding parenting time that I am trying to manage by myself M-F. I guess it doesn't matter her intentions, but I didn't respond.

Last edited by kto626; 03/27/20 05:11 PM.
Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890715
03/27/20 09:29 PM
03/27/20 09:29 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
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kto626 Offline OP
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kto626  Offline OP
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She keeps texting everyday about nothing. I'm just ignoring it.

Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890798
03/28/20 06:31 PM
03/28/20 06:31 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 148
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kto626 Offline OP
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kto626  Offline OP
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I have a question. I guess I am looking for knowledge of WW. After radio silence, from me for days, she continues to text dumb, useless questions, every day. My W just texted me, "I am going to the grocery store, do you need me to get anything?" I can tell she still thinks about moving home. She really tried to last week by sneaking in the door under the mask of Corona fears. But why do that, then still think she can contact the OM, get the boot, then still text me if I need groceries and dumb stuff like that? Is her motive really trying to have both me and the OM? Does she really think that is acceptable?

I know this is temp checking, I know she wants her cake and eat it too, but why does she think this will still work? Why does a WW not understand that there are only 2 people in a marriage? I realize she had 3, but I didn't know, and now that I do, is she really believing it can stay that way?

And you may think I am naive, but I think she is so traumatized by what she has done and the guilt, she wanted to brush it under the rug and move forward. She can't face it. Is that normal?

Basically, why is my W leading me on, trying to contact me, offering to buy my groceries, buying her groceries and leaving them in my house (the other day), say she knows I deserve answers, but then do nothing to try to work on herself or us? And still, contact the OM?

I just don't understand how a WW would do these things and not snap out of it??? She must think I will let her cake eat...I won't.

Re: Affair Fog-LRT 2 [Re: kto626] #2890803
03/28/20 06:59 PM
03/28/20 06:59 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 4,664
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2017
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K,

This question arises almost on a daily basis. Some WWs like to cake eat and for some its guilt. I suspect with your W it's guilt. My gut feeling is that your W does not hate you she just doesn't want to be married to you anymore and to an extent feels guilty about it. I often tell the story that me ex mulched my entire front yard a week before she moved out.

I think one of the misnomers with DB is the timeline on the fog clearing and the WW snapping out of it. My research points to a 2-3 year process at minimum.

Take the focus completely off what she is doing and work on you.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ďDon't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.Ē- Will Smith
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