Time to file? (Thanks BenB - part 2)

[Mumin]

Everythin is printed and signed.
Might leave it on the counter for her to find tomorrow, or in a drawer and tell her to look when kids are a sleep.
I wont be home because of dinner at friends place.

[sandi2]

What does "have her served" actually mean?

Where I live, an officer from the deputy sheriff's office would deliver the papers in person to her. The officer could not just leave papers with someone to give her, b/c she would have to personally receive the paper. I'm not for sure if they have to get her signature, maybe someone here knows. I think people have someone served who are not living together, and who don't want any excuses of "I never saw any D papers".

Maybe LH19 has more to add.

Many ppl here have talked about an asset list. Whats your take in this, should I create one and give that to her as well?

I don't have a particular opinion about a list. I can see you doing all the hard work of listing everything out, and then giving her a copy. As usual, she doesn't have to put forth any actual labor of naming everything and tying it out. Old habits are hard to break, right? You are an efficient guy, and that's how you operate. So, I'm not faulting you too much, if you'd feel more comfortable listing everything.

I do have an opinion about keepsakes, wedding gifts, shared gifts, things inherited from family members, furnishings, etc. I won't get into big marital property, retirement funds, etc. My opinion is that the woman doesn't automatically get something that was inside the home. Men need to wake up and realize they are not being macho or showing strength by letting their WW pick & choose whatever she wants.....and he gets the left overs. In most cases, she will expect to get first pick, just b/c she is the woman, and that's how history has taught that men should do...."give in to the little lady". So, there needs to be some type of guidelines that determines who gets what assets, as fairly as possible under these circumstances.

She doesn't get to keep all the little things from the children's baby days......just b/c she's the mother. Keepsakes should be divided with the H. If she doesn't want any of it, fine. IMHO, photos are a pain to sort through, but don't expect her to want to keep those of just you & her. Most times, I don't think they hold attachment for the cheating wife. My daughter (who wasn't wayward) took days sorting pictures and trying to divide fairly........and then her H didn't take any of them. Somehow, I can see you going through the shoe box of old snapshots, equally dividing the his & her stacks. If it were me, I would do it too. Anything, large or small, expensive or cheap, that came from your side of the family.....gives you the right to keep or reject. Same regarding her family. Things you purchased as a couple, may be tougher to decide between you. You never know for sure how a WW will swing when it comes to actually splitting everything acquired during the relationship. My son was so dazed when he discovered the truth behind his W's wanting "space", that he couldn't get his brain wrapped around splitting all their things. However, my wayward DIL gave him all the wedding photos, and wedding gifts that had their names and wedding date inscribed. She didn't want them, and it felt like a slap in his face, as she was headed out to start a new life with OM. Okay, so enough about photos.

I could talk for days about all of this, but my main point is don't sit back and let her have first choice, just b/c she's the mother/woman. If you've got six months, I guess you'll have time to list and sort.

[Traveler]

I think people have someone served who are not living together, and who don't want any excuses of "I never saw any D papers".

I had my ex served while we were living together. In my state only an adult not a party to the case can serve divorce papers. I've seen people evade sheriffs for months, so I paid maybe ~$75 more for a pro server to guarantee service within 48hrs. I got to watch them do it. There was a knock on the door. I said, "Can you get that?" My ex opened the door to someone in a deliver-like outfit. He handed her an envelop and said, "Please sign here for the delivery." He was gone by the time she knew what had happened.

[Mumin]

Thanks for answers everyone! Good input.
Short update, bc at work.

Just sent W a text with her monthly "bill".
"I was wondering if I could pay less for utilities now that I dont live at home all the time? I understand if its not ok since you think we should split everything"
Really?!!

I havnt responded.
Will probably respond something like:
Its you choice not to live here.

[LH19]

M,

I would keep in business like.

I fully expect for you to continue to contribute your half of the bills.

[Mumin]

Havnt answered the money text.
Heading over to brother for dinner.
I hid the D paper in a drawer and am planning to write to her about them tonight.
That way she gets them after the kids have gone to bed.

[LH19]

M,

I think if you are going to present her with D papers you should do it personally. This hiding in the drawer thing feels weak.

[Traveler]

This hiding in the drawer thing feels weak.

Mumin, are you in the USA? While I only know my own state, I was skeptical that any state would consider "hiding the papers in the drawer" a real attempt to serve her divorce papers. A quick Google says no.

Edit: I see you're actually from Scandinavia.

Are you trying to divorce her or shock her? If the former, did you get legal advice?

[Mumin]

M,

I think if you are going to present her with D papers you should do it personally. This hiding in the drawer thing feels weak.

Thought about this yesterday and after reading this post decided to do it in person.
Will do it tomorrow or some time next week.

Yes, I have talked to a lawyer.

[LH19]

M,

Remember to stay calm, strong, listen and validate and tell her you need to run and leave.

Don't blame her, argue or try to reason.

Good luck man!