What's New? This is new.

[OwnIt]

It's part of the cycle Can. You go down and you come up again. He's angry because of the guilt and the shame. In the early days of the relationship they feel like they are cheating on the OP with their spouse. It isn't you. He's just in happy chemical land and you are a reminder of what a dirtball he is. Kids know more than we think they do. Focus on her and her needs. He will be gone again soon and it will be easier when you don't have to see him and feel his slights daily. You'll find a way to make it work.

Don't do the three Ps.

Don't Personalize this into thinking it's you or about you. You didn't cause it and can't fix it.
Don't let it Pervade every area of your life. It is just your relationship with him that is off track.
Don't view how you feel today as Permanent. It isn't. You will feel better.

[CanBird]

~J~ Feeling prepared to finalize things. I had some resorceful GAL time with a friend who helped my brain function a bit better. Between this sitch & Covid-19, the D doesn't scare me any more. This M is over. Let's move on.

I have a confession. I've been looking on dating site. It keeps me entertained. I'm human! I'm also a hugger & miss that adutl contact. Not looking to go crazy but just looking for now..

Late nighy. Sleep tight.

[peacetoday]

I hear you

Everyone will have an opinion on this..

Here is mine:

It is always better to fully grieve first...you are vunerable right now and may not be clear minded enough
to date
yes its been a while, but dating is tricky and your heart can get involved before you are really ready


Yes it is a fun distraction, but there are better distractions/hobbies until we are healed and then we would be more ready to make a good choice

just my 2 cents-- but as always follow your heart

[job]

CanBird,

I agree 100% w/what peacetoday posted to you about looking on dating sites. Finalize the divorce, get through the divorce, take the time to heal thy self and then consider dating. You want to have both feet firmly on the ground and not be so vulnerable when you begin dating.

There are definitely far better distractions and/or hobbies that you can put your focus on at the moment.

Give yourself the time to grieve the loss of your marriage and when the time is right, you will know it.

[CanBird]

Hi Peace & Job. 2 cents appreciated. I'm just looking to see what's out there, all fun. Not going to date anyone. No harm in looking.

I actually did some grieving today. When at my friends house, I cried, said I felt like I did when my mom passed. Making funeral arrangements, not think straight. She was a great listener, her husband too. They have been a great source of help/comfort, for D3 & I. They both want to punch 00 out, and can't believe I haven't. I've wanted to give him a big "you're a jerk" push, but what's the point?

It's just a harmless distraction. I'm not going on any dates. It's been over 11 years! Hopefully men my age have matured. Actually I like seeing what single dads are out there. Just curious:)

[CanBird]

~j~ 00 snuck himself out of the house almost an hour ago. Its 4:30am. Where ow is it's 3:30pm. How sweet. Poor boy couldn't sleep. I don't care, but still feel anger. Now I can't sleep. Thanks a lot you two!

Guess I'll try to sleep again. I'm beginning to dislike him more & more.

[CanBird]

And he's back. Bought something & put it in his bag. Probably a card. You can here everything in this house.

[Westo]

As that’s an hour ahead of me in the U.K., she must live in a mainland European country.

Does he plan to move over here eventually to be with her? If so, how will he see D3?

I’m not surprised you’re angry, hats off to you for keeping your sh*t together.

I also agree with Peace, no harm in window shopping though (winky emoji)

[OwnIt]

Can, I think jumping into that situation too early does have the potential to cause harm to you in a number of ways. It is important to fully grieve this loss. If you read through your own threads you will see that like everyone going through this, you are all over the place with your emotions. Dating too quickly is just an attempt to avoid the pain you are experiencing, but that doesn't work. This is something you have to go through and come to terms with. Your daughter needs 100% of you right now. You don't want to regret later not being fully present because you were trying to distract yourself. While you say it is window shopping, window shopping can lead to impulsive purchases. In this case you could potentially risk your own heart, as well as someone else's. Take the time you need to fully feel the loss, get through the divorce, be fully present for your daughter, and let your decision to move forward with the divorce and the end of the relationship sit for a while to make sure that you are at peace with it.

[HaWho]

When my ex was living here, he too snuck out once, lol! It was quite pathetic to witness. And quite stupid on his part as I have a huge sheep dog that barks when anyone comes to the driveway. Before ex even came in from the garage I was at the bottom of the stairs and watched him slink (literally) into his self-made dorm room.

I certainly don’t miss those days. It was so, so much easier when he left.

Regarding surfing the dating sites, it’s great you recognize that you are trying to distract yourself. One unsolicited suggestion I have is to think about what it is about doing that which makes you feel better.

It gets easier. We promise.