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A Message from Michele
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Just found out 😔 #2880290
01/13/20 03:53 AM
01/13/20 03:53 AM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 1
J
JaxL Offline OP
New Member
JaxL  Offline OP
New Member
J
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 1
I found out a couple of days ago that my DH cheated with my bff's 20yr old DD 😔 We have been together for 25 years, high school sweet hearts. My heart is broken to the point that I literally have no emotion, I feel empty. He says he wants to work on our marriage, will go to therapy if I choose and is willing to answer all of my questions. I needed time so i have not spoken with him. I thought our marriage was doing better than ever, and I know I still love him, but how do I learn to trust again? Will I ever have the urge to be intimate with him again without thinking about them being together? I feel so lost 😔

Re: Just found out 😔 [Re: JaxL] #2880303
01/13/20 12:52 PM
01/13/20 12:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,117
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,117
NY
Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

Yes first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

and Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.

Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554

Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...ain=57819&Number=2578224#Post2578224

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-66, D33,S32
Re: Just found out 😔 [Re: JaxL] #2880306
01/13/20 01:28 PM
01/13/20 01:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 212
H
HesAble Offline
Member
HesAble  Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 212
Sorry you are going through this! You have come to a great place for support. I have no advice because I am also a newcomer, but I am sending a virtual hug. Hang in there.


H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9
BD - 11/2019
Married 14 years; Together 20 years

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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