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A Message from Michele
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Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881743
01/21/20 10:57 PM
01/21/20 10:57 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,529
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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I'm terrified, angry, jealous and sad. Today I'm picking up a prescription for Zoloft that is for D17. This was my happiest kid so I never thought she'd need meds. They want her in IC but I need more money for that. I have accepted that WAH doesn't care about the kids all I can do is be the best single parent I can be. This stinks.

Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881751
01/22/20 12:27 AM
01/22/20 12:27 AM
Joined: Sep 2019
Posts: 962
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may22 Offline
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Hi Kas,

Just wanted to say hang in there. You know you are doing the right thing for yourself and your family. Good job reaching back out to the L even though it wasn't what you probably wanted to do in that moment.

It is OK to be feeling what you're feeling. It is unfair and especially because it is affecting the kids this way. But you CAN control you, and giving your kids the support they need during this awful time is exactly what. Don't worry about him and what he is or isn't doing-- you are a great mom, you are there for your kids, and they know it. Keep that up.

Hugs.


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D10
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6-7/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
8/20-present R attempt #2
Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881776
01/22/20 04:53 AM
01/22/20 04:53 AM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,529
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kas99 Offline OP
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kas99  Offline OP
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Still thinking about taxes. He moved out and left me with the kids for 6 months and ONE day. I'm thinking that means they are my dependents. My state doesn't recognize separations so we are either married or we aren't. I'm going to file separately and am researching because I want to get this done before he figures out what's coming.

Last edited by kas99; 01/22/20 05:01 AM.
Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881781
01/22/20 05:11 AM
01/22/20 05:11 AM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,529
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kas99 Offline OP
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The tax laws are so vague. Some say support, some say residence, it's so confusing.

Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881797
01/22/20 11:55 AM
01/22/20 11:55 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,200
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Ginger1 Online
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In my state its support. My daughter is with me majority of the time, but my ex pays child support, so they consider our financial obligation equal ( which is kind of a joke because I make more money and he pays next to nothing in child support) anyways, we alternate years claiming our daughter .

If you are filling separately and you have not discussed whos claiming the kids..... you need to be the first to file, because if he files before you and claims them, you will get rejected and audited. Happened to me by accident one year because my idiot ex forgot which years he claimed on. It got fixed, but it was a pain.

Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881807
01/22/20 01:42 PM
01/22/20 01:42 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,033
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AnotherStander Offline
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Originally Posted by kas99
I'm terrified, angry, jealous and sad. Today I'm picking up a prescription for Zoloft that is for D17. This was my happiest kid so I never thought she'd need meds. They want her in IC but I need more money for that. I have accepted that WAH doesn't care about the kids all I can do is be the best single parent I can be. This stinks.


I understand you want to avoid contact with your H, but you really should try to keep in touch to discuss the kids' needs. If you can't afford healthcare for the kids then it's time to reach out to H, explain the situation and ask for some additional financial help. Clearly in your state serving D papers is a very, very low priority so I don't think taking a wait-and-see attitude is a good idea if your kids are not getting the care they need. It could be many months, even a year or more, before you can settle things in court.

Originally Posted by kas99
Still thinking about taxes. He moved out and left me with the kids for 6 months and ONE day. I'm thinking that means they are my dependents. My state doesn't recognize separations so we are either married or we aren't. I'm going to file separately and am researching because I want to get this done before he figures out what's coming.


You really should discuss this with your L and with H afterwards. I don't think it's a good idea to try to be sneaky about claiming them as dependents and secretly filing. Get it all out in the open. My XW and I had 50-50 custody and each of us claimed one of our 3 kids every year, and the 3rd kid we switched back and forth each year. Two of them are grown now but we still switch the 3rd back and forth. Come up with a logical and fair solution with the help of your L and propose it to H.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Money and taxes [Re: Ginger1] #2881821
01/22/20 02:51 PM
01/22/20 02:51 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,529
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kas99 Offline OP
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Quote
If you are filling separately and you have not discussed whos claiming the kids..... you need to be the first to file, because if he files before you and claims them, you will get rejected and audited. Happened to me by accident one year because my idiot ex forgot which years he claimed on. It got fixed, but it was a pain.


We agreed to split the kids he even said I could take D14 since she gets the higher tax credit so either I take the older 2 or her. I MUST file first I just feel so guilty. Even if I let him have D14 he will owe A LOT more not only because of the higher tax bracket but because I'm the one who put aside money throughout the year to cover this.

Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881826
01/22/20 03:19 PM
01/22/20 03:19 PM
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 1,529
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kas99 Offline OP
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Yesterday was a really bad day. Please someone remind me....again that this will get better. I am so overwhelmed and I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Last edited by kas99; 01/22/20 03:27 PM.
Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881828
01/22/20 03:31 PM
01/22/20 03:31 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,604
Southern Maryland
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kas,

Once you get some of the hurdles, it will get better. Stay on your lawyer to ensure your h is served. You do need to ask your lawyer about filing the taxes and then advise your h that you are filing separate and how many dependents you are claiming.

Unfortunately, when it comes to divorce, no one truly wins. You have to look at this as a business deal and once you get all of this taken care of...you will feel much better and not so tense and anxious.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: Money and taxes [Re: kas99] #2881831
01/22/20 03:44 PM
01/22/20 03:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 910
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FlySolo Offline
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Oh Kas, I promise promise promise that you will feel better. You'll never feel better all the time, but no-one is happy ALL the time.

Have you spent any time on the other forums here (Surviving the big D and Separated, What Now). There you will find people who came here as heartbroken as you who ARE now living full and happy lives. Sure, they have their ups and downs, but very few of these downs and not one of their ups, have a thing to do with their ex's. If anything, when ex's are mentioned, it is to laugh or rant at their expense (case in point, Ginger's reference to "[her] idiot ex" above).

You seem to be reflecting more on your own motivations which is great. Understanding what motivates our behaviour is the first step towards changing it. But, even with all this, I get no sense of who you are. I know Kas the LBS, I know Kas the abandoned child, but who is Kas when she is neither of those. I think you can only work this out not via reflection, but by action. Do things. Lots of different things and tell us about them. Some things will stick and some won't. It is those things that stick that will be the foundations of Kas 2.0.


W40 (me), H40
M14, Together 16
D12, D9

BD Oct 17
Moved out Mar 18

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