Thank you guys - I feel like I'm well aware of the challenges that we will face so I'm more equipped to battle through them. I've never been one to shy away from tough times.
We will be looking for a good counsellor to help us forward. And we continue to do little things each day. For example, on the evenings we are together we answer 2 questions:
1) What did you enjoy most about today? 2) What are you grateful for?
I think little things like these help a lot.
For instance, yesterday she said she was happy that when she went shopping she thought about getting me something that I would like and she said it felt nice to feel like that again.
DB'ing has really been a relationship saver and I hope it will be a relationship strengthener (new word?).
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
Thank you guys - I feel like I'm well aware of the challenges that we will face so I'm more equipped to battle through them. I've never been one to shy away from tough times.
We will be looking for a good counsellor to help us forward. And we continue to do little things each day. For example, on the evenings we are together we answer 2 questions:
1) What did you enjoy most about today? 2) What are you grateful for?
I think little things like these help a lot.
For instance, yesterday she said she was happy that when she went shopping she thought about getting me something that I would like and she said it felt nice to feel like that again.
DB'ing has really been a relationship saver and I hope it will be a relationship strengthener (new word?).
Good stuff. Do some googling on things to text to your W. Those have paid huge dividends in implementing in my Ring and piecing. Go back to activities you did when you were dating. Obviously date nights are huge. Do things that build connection. Look up talk and touch charges. Those also made huge differences in my Ring and piecing.
Rebuilding connection is your biggest goal. Make her the first person you call with good news...and with bad news to lean on her support. Make sure you are greeting her on waking in the morning. On returning from somewhere. Make sure to start a parting routine. "ILY" with a hug and kiss.
Remember what you learned in DBing. Do not stop GAL. Do not stop being lovingly detached. Google: self-differentiation in marriage
Keep your 180s and double-down on them. Continue to 180 on and bad behavior. Daily take stock and ask yourself how you are doing. Where you can improve. Never stop self-improving.
You were so right to say the work begins now. Because to avoid a future BD you need to be on, all the time! You can never get lazy or complacent. Do not allow yourself to become too comfortable again. Treat your MR just like you would a new R. Maintaining requires: Work. Patience. Understanding. Long-suffering. Tenderness. Kindness. Love. Caring. Attention. Having a strong sense of self. Having high self-esteem. Being fulfilled by yourself. Not putting your happiness, contentment, and well-being on her shoulders.
You got this Jac!
Last edited by Steve85; 02/27/2005:50 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
