Sigh... I had convinced myself that Jack and I were on the same page regarding our break up. Now I'm not so sure. I texted him some job postings yesterday and got a return text saying "those are all on the mainland jerk". My response was "Jerk. Wtf? I thought you were considering leaving the island". HIs response...12 hours later... "I just couldn't have left you." Heart...break... I totally thought we were on the same page. He was so unemotional when we had "the talk". I was the one who was teary and sad about it. He barely said anything other than nodding his head in agreement and then hugging me when he left and telling me not to cry on his account. He was almost cheerful. And now I'm getting a very different vibe and I feel awful about it. Oh...the guilt. I am so mad at myself. I knew right from the start the chances of us working out was slim to none but, selfishly, I went down that road anyway. Hurting someone you care about is the worst feeling.
Thanks DnJ. I know breaking up with him was the right thing to do. It just really sux that I had to hurt him and that he is sad right now. Hopefully he will realize over time that it was all for the best.
Had a nice night last night. My cleaning lady was late getting to my house so I didn’t want to go home after work because she always talks my ear off about her various ailments and it is a bit too much after a long work day. Buddy had texted me that he was reffing some junior girls’ basketball games at a school really close to my house so I decided to go watch. Ended up staying for both games. A friend of mine’s daughter was playing in the second game so I ended up sitting with her and having a nice chat. Afterwards Buddy and I went out to a coffee shop and talked for an hour. It was really fun hanging out with him again.
This morning I am volunteering at a breakfast for the homeless. I always enjoy myself and it feels good to give back. Haven’t heard from Brook since yesterday morning. He’s still on the mainland with his parents. Hoping he will text me that he’ll be back in time for us to do something. If not, I’m sure we will get together soon.
Wow... reading “jerk” after you tried to help him would make me just smile and feel secure in the fact that I made the right choice walking away from him. He didn’t want to introduce you to his friends and family and then called you the jerk? He didn’t worry about hurting you. And he certainly wasn’t willing to learn relationship skills necessary to keep someone like you around. Please don’t feel guilty. You did nothing wrong. And he needs to learn that when he acts the way he did with a woman, they are not gonna stick around.
I felt guilty when I broke up with my last boyfriend. I felt like I was doing to him what my ex did to me. And I was soft about it. Looking back, he was awful! And didn’t deserve me. And guilt is a wasted emotion.
Thanks Juju. I know you are right. He didn’t treat me like he was invested in our relationship. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. I just know I was one of the only bright spots in his life and I feel kinda bad for taking that away. He helped me through a tough time in my life and I didn’t want to make his more difficult. But after nine months....I knew it was time for me to do what is ultimately best for me and move on.
So...no date this weekend and I’m starting to think that maybe Brook has some flaws after all. I talked with him early Friday morning when he told me that he was taking his parents to the mainland. I commented that it looked as if we would have to take a rain check on our date and he responded that it may still be a possibility and that he would stay in touch. Not sure what his definition of staying in touch is but it’s not mine because I didn’t hear anything from him after that. So this morning I texted him good morning and he got back to me a minute later responding in kind and asking how I was. I told him I was great and asked him how his uncle was and he said doing much better so the prognosis isn’t as bad as they thought. I asked him if he had caught up on sleep and he said “almost” and “today might be a sleep day”. Translation... “I’m back home and I would prefer to sleep the day away than do anything with you.” We only live an hour apart...30 minutes if we met half way. Not exactly an onerous distance. I suppose I could have suggested we meet half way for coffee or something but I’m just done with being the person who always suggests things. He’s basically asked me out twice but hasn’t followed through with actually making plans. So I’m leaving it up to him.
IDK...maybe I shouldn’t read too much into it but it feels like maybe he is not quite as enthusiastic as he was a week ago for us to go out. No idea why but I refuse to chase him so I ended our conversation this morning and told him I had to take my dog for a walk and would talk to him later. I don’t get it... he was the one talking about the universe’s plan and something inside of him telling him he was “supposed to” message me. And that there was “something happening” between us that he was “excited” to see where it goes. All of that AFTER he saw me at the tournament. So what’s the deal? Maybe some of the guys on here could give me a male perspective? I am confused.
Oh...yeah... and Facebook guy just messaged me to ask how I am doing. He texts me about once a month. I’ve solidly friend zoned him though so it doesn’t bother me much. I guess maybe I should just friend zone everyone I meet...lol.
I wouldn’t read too much into anything just yet. First of all, NO ONE is perfect, so don’t build him up too much in his mind. Second of all, if he’s been wrapped up dealing with sick uncle and parents, maybe he just needs some time to unwind and de stress before going back to work. There could be any number of reasons he isn’t up for a date today but you shouldn’t necessarily assume that it is anything negative towards you. One step at a time!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
That first line should be don’t build him up too much in YOUR mind. I’m batting a thousand on bad grammar today and that wasn’t even autocorrect.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
DV, this may sound a little harsh, but I think you need to dial it back by like 10x.
Brook has shown his priorities to be #1 Family and #2 Self care (ie sleep after exhausting family care). I think that sounds pretty great! You two aren't even dating, so it sounds in line to me. He is texting you back and staying in touch which sounds great, but he can't be expected to drop everything for a date when there is family care in the picture. It kinda sounds like you're wanting him to drop everything and pay attention to you.
You're definitely reading a lot into something that hasn't happened/not happened yet. Have fun getting to know Brook, even if it's only via text right now - that's not going to hurt anything and will allow things to progress naturally.
Thanks all. I knew you would have something to say. Not harsh at all Yail. I know you are right. Thank you for the dose of reality. That’s why I post on this board. I know you guys will tell me exactly what you think.
TBH... I’m not that upset about not going on our date. I guess I just expected that he would find two minutes sometime this weekend (when he said he would stay in touch) to say what he thought might be a possibility was no longer a possibility once he realized that it wasn’t. It’s what I would have done if I was him...especially when it was me that suggested it. If I had told someone I would be in touch about a possible date on Saturday, I would follow through...if only to say...”hey...totally exhausted. Gonna have to take that rain check I mentioned. Have a good weekend”... or something to that effect. After all, he did have an hour and a half ferry ride back to the island to send a 20 second text. But that’s me and I guess I have to stop expecting people to do the things that I would do.
Anyway...gonna take your advice, dial things back and try not to take things personally. Happy Sunday everyone. Thanks for the 2x4’s. (((HUGS)))
