What should I do after replaying a conversation about her work I realized that I really came across as a jerk and unsupportive? Should I bring it up and apologize and let her know that I do think what she does is awesome and she really could and should bump up into a better position? Tell her that I believe in her and would support and back her up? My words I think came across as the position she has right now has her stressed enough why would she want to have more responsibility to pile more on or that I didn't think she could handle it.
How do I work this into a conversation?
As for the car I don't want to get into a fight and go back on my word. It can be dealt with thru paperwork. When things were going well a couple of weeks ago she was asking me a lot of questions and texting me for advice. I am a very good and firm negotiator. She did keep me updated when she went to look at a couple and let me know she had walked away from all deals.
Thx NJ
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
I am going to be honest with you. You over pursued and missed out on opportunities to validate. Those are DB 101 basics. Unfortunately these mistakes can be very costly. You have to do your homework.
Get up dust yourself off and get to work and learn the fundamentals.
What should I do after replaying a conversation about her work I realized that I really came across as a jerk and unsupportive? Should I bring it up and apologize and let her know that I do think what she does is awesome and she really could and should bump up into a better position? Tell her that I believe in her and would support and back her up? My words I think came across as the position she has right now has her stressed enough why would she want to have more responsibility to pile more on or that I didn't think she could handle it.
How do I work this into a conversation?
As for the car I don't want to get into a fight and go back on my word. It can be dealt with thru paperwork. When things were going well a couple of weeks ago she was asking me a lot of questions and texting me for advice. I am a very good and firm negotiator. She did keep me updated when she went to look at a couple and let me know she had walked away from all deals.
Thx NJ
You are NGS.....to a tee.
Do not bring it back up. You are looking for excuses to reach out to her. NC. Go dark. LRT. Get her out of her head and go live your awesome life.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am an all around nice guy. I cannot go NC or dark. I can be pleasant and cordial to her and still have my things going on with the kids and for myself. We have the kids pretty much every other day. Tomorrow is S6's birthday. We are having a neighborhood parade for him and and a fire truck or 2 will be coming by and then the 4 of us will have pizza and cake here. I'm not going to be a jerk or stand offish and usher her out as soon as the candles are out.
I know I missed a great opportunity and am trying to not beat myself up over it and recover smartly.
Thx NJ
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
Saying "I am a nice guy" is one of the first symptoms of NGS. You really need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. It isn't what you think. In a nutshell, NGS means that you expect certain things because you are nice. So it isn't really just being nice at all, it is manipulation.
YOU CANNOT NICE HER BACK.
And you need to look up what NC and going dark are in relation to kids.
If the communication is about the kids and is important, then respond....BUSNIESS LIKE. If not, no response.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Tomorrow is S6's birthday. We are having a neighborhood parade for him and and a fire truck or 2 will be coming by and then the 4 of us will have pizza and cake here. I'm not going to be a jerk or stand offish and usher her out as soon as the candles are out.
As far as this goes, how are going to handle S6's 8th birthday, when she brings her new BF to the joint BD party and dinner?
You are letting her have her cake and eat it too. You know what we call former LBSs that let their WAWs cake eat? Divorcees.
Have you even read DR?
Last edited by Steve85; 06/11/2003:34 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
DR Chapter 6 Step 5? I made changes and failed to see the results simmering under the surface and she came closer. I blew it by asking too much. So going back on the no pursuing, no pleading just GALing and "doing me" is what I was doing through the LTR.
NJ
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
Jimmy I just went back and read all of your post from a year ago March to now. Are you typically a scattered person? I am noticing you would post wanting feedback then disappear for months. Then come back and want advice based on recent history. It makes me wonder how consistent you've been in DBing. You've already shown a penchant for making excuses about basic DB principles.
DBing is about consistency. Every time you have a slip up you go back to square one. That is why when she started acting interested in Ring the answer was to keep DBing. When she started making excuses about the bike ride, you keep on DBing. Always be DBing.
Focus on you. GAL, 180s, and detachment! That is your goal every day. In every action. In every interaction with her.
Have you read DR? If not get the book, read it. MWD lays it out very well. You'll learn about LRT. When you should employ it (and you are there). And how to employ it.
So that is my spiel. The only reason that I even come here and work with LBSs is because I want you to be successful. If not successful in saving your MR, then successful in saving yourself and setting you up for an awesome life! You may not believe this, but your life is going to be awesome no matter what your WAW decides.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
