We have been married for 24 years. I never thought he’d have an affair. We are sort of working through it although he won’t go to counseling with me and has now taken me off the phone bill so he can say he’s not talking to her. I’m trying to focus on me and not check on him. But I don’t know what to do. He acts like he loves me but she swears he’s still seeing her. Help
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I’m sorry you are going through this. Are you guys separated? Has he asked for a divorce? I would start by working on yourself and try not to worry about what he’s doing. It does look like he’s trying to hide the OW, but isn’t ready to let go of your relationship. If you want to try and salvage this, working on yourself is key.
When you're confused, it means he isn't interested in an exclusive relationship with you. When he is interested in a R with you he will make it abundantly clear.
Stop chasing him. The onus is on him to make this right, and that may never happen.
What other details can you share?
Be strong, think first, and use this time to grow.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Agree with the above. Get a copy of Divorce Busting, read it, don't let him know you are reading. Focus on yourself, get with friends/family, give him space, but most importantly figure out what it is YOU need to stay in the relationship. Don't jump to conclusions but you need to be prepared to give him an ultimatum and then hold to it.
Keep posting, and share details when you can.
M(35), W(35), D(4) M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019 W moved out Aug 13 House sold Sept 25 Papers signed Nov 15 Divorce finalized Dec 12
