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#2872339 11/16/19 02:38 AM
Joined: Feb 2019
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Posts: 640


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Posts: 640
Job can you open midlife wife crisis 11 so I can link them. Itís closed.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Posts: 640
LH I donít think she will ever have a change of heart. Today I noticed she started to take down our wedding pictures. She has moved on. I am a thing of the past. I just have to accept my new reality. Itís so sad that all of our friends have told me she is crazy for leaving me. But obviously she doesnít see it. She is living life going out all the time and living it up. Again just aggravates me if she wanted a party life why get married?? I know LH Iím using logic and she is not, I could have been with so many other women and probably been really happy and still married. Instead I found the one who decided married life was not for her and she wants to be 21 again!!

IH I grew up in Smithtown and went to a smithtown HS. Thatís where I am living now back at my moms house. There is a bar in Smithtown, Napper Tandyís. Let me know when you will be in town exactly!! First beer is on me. You are always here for me, itís the least I could do. Lol

Anyway, I knew eventually the wedding pictures would be coming down, we are not married, it just hurts!!
Ok Iím about to share something that you guys will kick my butt on. I have been dating this one woman for a while and she is younger than me. I am so scared that this MLC could happen again.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,137
Likes: 128
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W,

How do you think itís fair to this woman when your still hung up on your ex wife?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ÔŅĹHappiness equals reality minus expectationsÔŅĹ- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
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Originally Posted by LH19
W,

How do you think itís fair to this woman when your still hung up on your ex wife?


I know. I think about that all the time. I feel like I will never be fully healed and I just need to move on. I really like this woman she is amazing. Honestly the 2 things that upsets me is leaving my home. LH I know I should have listened to you. And the family dynamic I really miss. Iím hoping once I get my own place and the kids can stay over night I will start to feel whole again. Well partially.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,137
Likes: 128
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W,

I'll start of with saying absolutely when you get your own place things will start to normalize for you.

Did you really think your W was going to keep your wedding pictures up? After all you have been through your mind decides it's over she has moved on because she took them down.

So in the past you have mentioned that your W has made comments about how you're selfish. You see you discount her claims but what you are now doing to this girl is selfish. I'll say it again. YOU ARE NOT READY TO DATE. You're very needy and insecure and until you learn to stand alone you will struggle in relationships. This is a process and there are no shortcuts.

If you were in a healthy place and you met an amazing woman it would be a amazing experience for you. The last thing you would be doing would be being on a forum upset about someone taking some pictures down.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ÔŅĹHappiness equals reality minus expectationsÔŅĹ- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 640
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Wolfman Offline OP
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LH you are probably right. That I am not ready. Honestly I am lost. I am trying real hard to just get my act together.

Yesterday my xw had the kids. Usually I would text her twice to ask how the kids were. She would do the same when I have them. But I felt like I need to truly detach. So yesterday I decided I am not going to text her. Around 9pm she text me if I was ok. I didnít respond. The. About 10 minutes later she called and I didnít answer. She left a message and it said that she hasnít heard for me all day and wanted to make sure I was ok. Then about 5 minutes later my d called me. And she asked if I was ok they havenít heard from me. I said yes everything is fine and I asked how she was. The. I asked to speak with my s. After I was done speaking with him, xw got on the phone and asked if I was ok. I said everything is fine and she said I didnít hear from you. I responded just been really busy. Then she said I am busy taking care of my mom I have to go. She was annoyed and said fine and hung up. Whatís this about??? Please advise.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,137
Likes: 128
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Itís about your lack of ability to communicate. Wife I need time to heal and move on, I donít want you contacting me on a daily basis. Get your kids phones if you have to. You have to get a backbone my friend. You are so afraid of her.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

ÔŅĹHappiness equals reality minus expectationsÔŅĹ- Magliozzi
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 8,152
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
I have been dating this one woman for a while and she is younger than me. I am so scared that this MLC could happen again.


It could very well happen again. Here's my attitude as beautifully expressed by Tennyson: "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." My XW and I, we had a great marriage and 3 amazing kids. The marriage came to an end and it was unfortunate and it was painful, but I choose to look back on the M with fondness. So many great memories. 5 years ago I embarked on a new R, it's been so radically different than my R with XW. Better in some ways, not as good in others maybe. Fulfilling in different ways than my M. Life is a crazy adventure of unpredictable events, these days I roll with it and see where it takes me smile


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Originally Posted by LH19
Itís about your lack of ability to communicate. Wife I need time to heal and move on, I donít want you contacting me on a daily basis. Get your kids phones if you have to. You have to get a backbone my friend. You are so afraid of her.

Your right I am afraid of her. I wasnít during our marriage thatís the funny thing. Once things started to fall apart I went into panic mode trying to appease her every wish. Whatís your feeling on why she is contacting me? She literally just text me.
I will not bother you anymore... just like you said to me, Iím here...
I did not respond. The nice guy in me feels so bad not responding. But I know its what I have to do.

AS I hate that expression about love. Losing love is very painful. I honestly donít know whatís better.
Another Stander would you ever get back with your ex? Just asking because you said better in some ways and not in others.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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