Why do WAS try to build distance between us? Don’t they think there’s enough? Why do you think she is doing it?
When I walked away from my ex-wife, I built distance between us, so I could focus on MY life. I guess it's similar to the way DB'ing advocates lovingly detaching so you can focus on YOUR life. The difference (imho) was it was much easier to detach when I was the WAS and leaving had been on my mind over a year.
You are so right about that. On the days where I don’t care about her mood, she gets upset and starts to pull closer to me and then I go right back in. I don’t know how to not let her do that to me anymore.
Also, what does moving on look like?
I know that sounds silly, but I GAL almost every day. I always travel on the weekends I don’t have my son and I’m always doing something throughout the week.
Originally Posted by LH19
H,
You can’t show her you’ve moved on you have to actually move on. She’s knows you haven’t moved on. They have a sixth sense.
I’m just asking if it’s healthy for our marriage if we’re at a place where neither of us want to talk to the other. Is that part of all of this to create better feelings for each other in the long run?
Basically, Will this be another step to make her miss me?
Originally Posted by LH19
I have no idea what you are asking in your last post.
I truly didn’t mean shaking her hand in a derogatory way. I thought we were doing things like business partners right now, so I wanted to treat it the way I felt she wasn’t treating it. I guess that was passive aggressive, but that wasn’t my intent.
I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t return the handshake and it made her feel weird.
I read your article and I’m in business. I shake a lot of people’s hands and I feel like I know when and when not to do it. I just don’t know why that situation wasn’t one where I should’ve done it. I’m just trying to protect myself emotionally and if she’s treating me like a stranger, why not do the same with her?
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hi HrtHsbnd,
It sounds like you're still wondering why we all say "What?!" when you describe your hand-shaking.
Originally Posted by "HrtHsbnd"
Why is shaking her hand weird? She is treating this like a business, so why not shake her hand?
Your wife and apparently many of us have an intuitive sense that offering a handshake in that social situation is unusual. For expert guidance on when to shake hands, see: https://www.quora.com/When-should-you-shake-someones-hand
Originally Posted by "HrtHsbdn"
My wife was cold and distant with me the entire time... I was just trying to give her what she's giving me.. She wants to treat this like a business.. What should I have done?
No physical contact would've been better. I see your point--that she was acting cold and distant. Maybe the handshake was a passive-aggressive way of expressing, "It's like this is just business and not personal"? Only you know what you were thinking, but if so, it's clever but better is not acting out.
Originally Posted by "HrtHsbnd"
She absolutely refused and walked off. When I asked her why she wouldn’t do that, she said because it was weird. I don’t know why that’s weird.
Offering a single handshake was a faux pas. A second error was not just accepting "No". You say she walked off.. and then you asked? Did you follow, call out, bring it up later? When someone says "No" to a physical contact, they shouldn't have to justify it. We are masters of and control our own bodies.
No obviously that’s not good for the marriage for not wanting to talk to one another.
Your situation is sort of bizarre because she filed for D then you guys decided to go to MC. Obviously she knows you’re not moving on because your in MC with her.
You guys seem to talk everyday so I can’t see how it’s possible for her to miss you.
I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re saying. Maybe I’m overthinking it.
Why does my wife want to build distance between us when there’s already enough?
If there isn’t enough for her, what I’m hearing you say is that it’s because she wants to build her own life without me?
I am trying to build my life around myself and my son, but still keeping her part of it as my wife, too. Are you saying you don’t think she’s doing that?
Of course it was easier for her because she’s the one that walked away. But she still says she doesn’t know what she wants. Her parents are only getting more upset with me, so I’m sure that may make up her mind soon.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by "HrtHsbnd"
Why do WAS try to build distance between us? Don’t they think there’s enough? Why do you think she is doing it?
When I walked away from my ex-wife, I built distance between us, so I could focus on MY life. I guess it's similar to the way DB'ing advocates lovingly detaching so you can focus on YOUR life. The difference (imho) was it was much easier to detach when I was the WAS and leaving had been on my mind over a year.
I feel my situation is very different because of the parent involvement. I see what you’re saying about talking every day, but it’s just because of our son.
Would you care to tell me what your thoughts are and how I could’ve handled this better?
She decided that if she didn’t want to talk to me on webchat she could just walk away, even when I’m not trying to talk to her. So, I decided to do the same to honor her wishes.
Last night, she got on webchat with our son. We were busy playing soccer in the backyard and he didn’t really want to talk to her. I let her see him, not me. He must’ve moved out of her sight because she demanded to see him. I gave her a look like calm down you just needed to let me know. She snapped at me rudely and I told her that I didn’t appreciate the attitude. I would hang up if she didn’t stop . She just started crying and cried until the end of the call. Lack of respect has been a big issue with her lately.
At that point I would’ve usually asked why she was so upset or even sent her a text, but I didn’t. She would normally send me a derogatory text, but she didn’t either.
I wasn’t rude in the least or passive aggressive. I will just not tolerate disrespect anymore.
Ohh and I’ll not shake her hand anymore!
Originally Posted by LH19
H,
No obviously that’s not good for the marriage for not wanting to talk to one another.
Your situation is sort of bizarre because she filed for D then you guys decided to go to MC. Obviously she knows you’re not moving on because your in MC with her.
You guys seem to talk everyday so I can’t see how it’s possible for her to miss you.
It would help if you had a signature. How old is your son? Do you think it’s feasible to think you are going to web chat everyday even when your D’d. Your not the first person to have meddling parents involved and I’m quite sure you won’t be the last.
My son is just 4. These parents are extremely meddling. They are in every part of our lives and I feel they don’t seem to think they do anything wrong. They also have the resources to feel that way, which is another reason I feel my W won’t make them leave. They’ve moved into our home and taken over.
That’s the only reason I’m glad to not be there right now.
Originally Posted by LH19
It would help if you had a signature. How old is your son? Do you think it’s feasible to think you are going to web chat everyday even when your D’d. Your not the first person to have meddling parents involved and I’m quite sure you won’t be the last.
