Really sorry for your loss Kyh. Hope things improves soon.
“Better to be cheated on than be the cheater.” That resonated with me. 100%. It hurts like h3ll but once all the dust settles, the LBS can hold their head up high knowing they were true to their vows. I’m with KML and Bttrfly...do not get on that crazy train again. It doesn’t go anywhere you want to be. (((HUGS)))
Yeah, I’ve always thought that. As painful as it was, I’m pretty sure I’d much rather go through being the LBS again than live in my ex’s itchy skin. Any day.
My condolences on your loss. As for the crazy makings, please do not get sucked in by drinking whatever Kool-Aid is being served up. I do hope that things will settle down and improve for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sure, you're sorry she feels bad and her fantasy life isn't working out and she realizes she messed up by leaving a good guy behind - fine. But do not let yourself get pulled back into anything with someone that unstable and let's face it, selfish. The things she said to you are pretty unforgiveable. And she doesn't sound like she's come to some mature understanding and acceptance of what she did wrong - she's just looking for someone to ease her pain and right now she thinks that might be you.
Don't get sucked in.
Yes, I don’t think I could ever have a romantic relationship w/her again. And I’ve never got an apology so she’s avoiding acceptance or not sorry.
Idk how she meant it, but I immediately thought love bombing. I do love her as the mother of my children, much different than before. We’ve been working together well with the kids and she has been going to therapy and I can tell a difference so hopefully this was a relapse of sorts and things to back to normal.
Coming back to journal/update. This is probably better in the MLC section but I didn't want to start a new thread since I don't post often. Ex stayed after dropping the kids off for school one morning and talked to me four a couple hours. She apologized to me about everything in my last post. I had things wrong, it wasn't OM1 that showed up but her last ex. She told me about how she found herself in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and that she broke up a year ago and he won't leave her alone and showed up. I didn't say much but made sure the kids aren't around him and that she was okay. Also thanked her for telling me and let her know not to hesitate if she needed somewhere to go but IDK what to say, dealing with other people's madness.
She told me about how she found herself in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and that she broke up a year ago and he won't leave her alone and showed up.
Oooh, red flags, red flags. I don't now how she can assure you he won't be around the kids, since he could literally show up at any time? Abusive ex's can be extremely dangerous, I'd encourage your exW to take this seriously and file for a restraining order if necessary.
Oooh, red flags, red flags. I don't now how she can assure you he won't be around the kids, since he could literally show up at any time? Abusive ex's can be extremely dangerous, I'd encourage your exW to take this seriously and file for a restraining order if necessary.
I know this really worries me. Ex has been in city where her step mom lived still until she starts a new job next month and I've had the kids most of the time so hopefully this isn't an issue when she comes back but I'm going to bring it up. I also messed up when ex first started seeing this guy, the kids would not stop talking about him constantly (bimonthly vacations, gifts, etc. I thought they were engaged) and I asked them not talk to me about him to unless there was something wrong; so basically I missed these red flags by telling me not to tell me about what has happening at their mom's. In addition to the vacations, gifts, etc., what ex was telling me fits the narcissist checklist and I told her a few examples of why. Oddly, she asked if I thought she was a narcissist at this time so I can see she is doing some reflection in counseling. I don't think she is one but I know better than to say yes if I did LOL! I did mention it's a spectrum and a lot of the attributes overlap with other things and left it at that.
I couldn't help but think about OM2 from way back while writing this, IDT he was far off in personality. I always wondered if ex was trying to mother her late friend's kids with that relationship but she was also in an abusive one before me. I've really got to keep an eye out for my kiddos.
My son started counseling because he's having trouble at school and as far as I know this guy hasn't come up so hopefully he hasn't been around. I can see it's making a difference and he is excited to go. I recently got a wake up slap not to forget about his ASD, he's getting older and a lot is changing for him so I'm hoping this can make things a little easier.
Also, while talking to ex she told me if I ever wanted to move back to city where she is now she was up for it. Her new job is remote but she will have to travel between here and there frequently. Even though we talked about it and I explained my point about how it didn't work for me it worries me if things slip back to like the good old days.
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I posted last. I wanted to post to confide as ex asked me not to share this with anyone and it’s been consuming me. Im hoping not holding it in will help and didn’t know where else to share this. A few weeks ago ex was acting off, not making sense about our plans, and looked horrible when I saw her. The next night she called and told me her story. I’ll forego most of the details but she told me she went out was drugged and raped and also crashed her car all along the way home. She said she is on camera coming home with soaking wet pants and changing then leaving and has no memory of any of it. Hearing her story I think it was more than one person. She called the police and went to a dr. etc. and idk much more right now. I ask how she is, if she needs anything, etc. but no other questions. She asked me not to tell anyone, so only a couple of her friends know. She specifically asked me not to tell anyone & not let her parents or step dad know. They have to be wondering WTH, IDK how she explained her totaled car.
I was fuming for a couple weeks and feel terrible for her and there isn’t much I can do. I try to do some little things, be supportive for her, and let her know she has somewhere safe but idk what else to do. She told me she’s going to counseling so I’m glad to hear that.
Uugghh, thank you for the space to get that out, IDT I should have been holding that in.
Not saying stuff like this doesn’t happen to women - it certainly does - but could she be making up a story to protect herself against you learning she got drunk and wrecked her car? Or did it really happen but she picks you to tell the story to in a bid for your attention?
