Yes, "don't over-analyse things" is easy to say but really hard to put into practice consistently. For me, it's all about distraction.
I'm reading DR as well - I'm enjoying it very much. It's tricky to avoid fantasising about everything working out but then I have to remind myself that GAL is the top priority.
Keep doing what you're doing!
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
I have IC this afternoon and I need to go. Feeling like I'm getting into a funk.
I have been feeling very frustrated lately, pretty resentful toward my H. It's hard have to do everything with the kids. I have been missing a lot of work due to my S-11 medical appointments..Idk if I'm journaling or venting, but it seems like a safe place.
I just don't have a lot of down time for myself and the kids and keeping up with the household really wear me out.
Things have been going really well lately. I enjoy going to IC although it seems I talk a lot. I did have another meeting with my attorney this weekend.
I sent my H the settlement and told him to let me know what he thought about it and to send me the detailed feedback on which items he wanted to discuss. I also told him to let me know what his intent was for visitation when he comes back this month.
I can recognize that I am getting back to the older version of myself and breaking through the behaviors I adopted while being depressed. I have been keeping my house very clean and prepping food, exercising, and I'm also doing very well in my class that I enrolled in.
Everyday that goes by... I think I've mentioned this before, I feel less inclined to stay married to this person who is a liar, very selfish, and not the person that I'm proud to call my H. I am not sure if this is normal DB feelings or feelings of detachment. Either way, it's very freeing.
Everyday that goes by... I think I've mentioned this before, I feel less inclined to stay married to this person who is a liar, very selfish, and not the person that I'm proud to call my H. I am not sure if this is normal DB feelings or feelings of detachment. Either way, it's very freeing.
Yes, good DB'ing does lead to detachment. And you do sound like you are detaching. Your sitch has been a long one even though your time here on the forums is comparatively short, so you are long overdue for some good detachment! So that's great, glad you are doing well
I reached out to my H to review the settlement to tell me what he didn't think was fair, and the visitation. He didn't respond so I asked him on the skype for work app.
I told him that I'd prefer that he maxed out the time that they weren't in school and he agreed. I then said I think it'd be best if we meet somewhere neutral to explain to the kids what is going on since they will be seeing dad on visitation and not at "home," His BS response was if that's what you want.
...wtf! I don't even know what to say to that. Of course I don't want any of this, but it's not fair to the kids to mislead them...
Second thing, he responded to my email about the settlement and said he got a call from his attorney last week and she told him that I hired someone to represent me for the settlement..
He said he was unsure why I asked him to provide details to me, unless the call is incorrect.
He then asked why our S-11 is now going to B&A... because he didn't go last year... I do not know how to address any of this but here's what I'm thinking.
The call you did receive is partially correct. I did seek advice as the free legals service does not handle any contested D action.
As far as our care for S, there were too many instances last year where he missed the bus and it's very difficult for me to get him to school when that occurs. Additionally there were several occasions last year where he got into drama with the neighbors and it's best if he is safe at SACC under supervision.
I reached out to my H to review the settlement to tell me what he didn't think was fair, and the visitation. He didn't respond so I asked him on the skype for work app.
Get used to the frustration on response time... unfortunately.
Originally Posted by LillyL
I told him that I'd prefer that he maxed out the time that they weren't in school and he agreed. I then said I think it'd be best if we meet somewhere neutral to explain to the kids what is going on since they will be seeing dad on visitation and not at "home," His BS response was if that's what you want.
...wtf! I don't even know what to say to that. Of course I don't want any of this, but it's not fair to the kids to mislead them...
This was over Skype? If so, Skype/text/etc are terrible communication tools. So easy to get triggered. You would like your H to agree with you on presenting a united front to the kids on communicating what is happening, sounds like he gave you a passive-aggressive response, but ultimately, he will do it, so chalk that up as a win and move on. Definitely don't respond to the little bait attempts like "If that's what you want..." Think of it like... he wants you to flip out because then it will further justify his own little story in his head of why he wants out. Show him you aren't going to take the bait.
I can't really advise on your response to your H, but I would consider waiting to respond, then wait some more. I don't know the legal implications on either topic. For instance, is he asking about S11's school out of genuine concern, or is he implying that you are making unilateral decisions without him and he is going to make a fuss about it?
I did not respond after he said "If that's what you want". I knew what he was trying to do and all of the replies that I typed up, then deleted were kinda like flipping out. I'm glad I made the right move.
I will wait to respond.
I am not sure why he is concerned about my S. I think it's because it's an additional expense for daycare.
Last year there were a few incidents and I did tell H about all of them. Unfortunately, they happened during the school year and care wasn't available at the time.
The incidents that occurred had my S calling me while I was on my way home from work telling me that his friend was beating down the door saying he was going to kill himself. Then my son left the house to follow this kid around while he was running around with no shoes on and just shorts. When I got home I had to go find this kid who was down sitting in the stream by my house.
This could be a loooong story. Anyway, similar things happened 2x and there is a registered sex offender close by my house and I didn't feel comfortable that my kid was outside running through the woods looking for his friend. I don't want my child to be the first responder to his friends issues. My H knew this happened and he knew that I had enough. Now I have piece of mind knowing that my S is safe.
So I retract my question about your H maybe trying to raise an issue about you making decisions about S without him. Obviously what you describe is a huge safety concern. And regardless of the weird questions you get from your H, you should not be concerned with what he is thinking or doing (it was my mistake, not yours, to be thinking that way).
