CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 10 1 2 7 8 9 10
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861194
08/13/19 12:34 PM
08/13/19 12:34 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,213
D
DejaVu6 Offline
Member
DejaVu6  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,213
Happy for you B. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861204
08/13/19 01:01 PM
08/13/19 01:01 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Online
Member
bttrfly  Online
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,885
Massachusetts
Good for you! xoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861325
08/14/19 01:19 PM
08/14/19 01:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
ballast  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
a quick off of my current thread topic question for you all with kids and ex's...

after you divorced did you quickly get feelings that you and your ex had some fundamental disagreements on the raising of your children? And as I'm sure most of you did even if only on the margins, did you actively seek to discuss those with your ex to reach concensus or did you accept that it was ok that you two may have differences of opinions on the particulars, but that was ok so long as on the main points of upbringing you were in agreement?

finding my ex pinging me about (no lie) hey what soap are you using to bath D4? what time do you put D4 down for sleep? stuf that I don't believe we have to be in lock step in on, but not things I feel like discussing with her so as to prevent us from having to talk about things I don't believe as super important.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 7/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861330
08/14/19 02:04 PM
08/14/19 02:04 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
We talk about school stuff, coordinating their activities and when they get sick but no conversation over bedtime or shampoo


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861333
08/14/19 02:46 PM
08/14/19 02:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
ballast  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
Appreciate the comments TB. Yeah see as long as the macro type things are in agreement, I'm loathe to even bother replying on the micro items. I feel like saying sometimes "you know we are divorced now and while I always hope to work with you for the best of our D4, it's not essential, required or even realistic to expect that our opinions, feelings and ways of doing things will always be the same." And then I think the H with that, as in my case it would likely do more harm than good. So I just agree on what I feel she says makes sense and then deflect, defuse or reply ambiguously on the rest. I guess that's mostly because as we have joint custody I'm free to do as I see fit in raising D4 just as she is able to do.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 7/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861334
08/14/19 02:55 PM
08/14/19 02:55 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
Maybe it is her way of trying to strike up conversation with you. My XW has become very friendly with me over the course of the last several weeks.

Personally I would just take the high road and consider it better than what some of these XW's do and how they behave.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861340
08/14/19 03:35 PM
08/14/19 03:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
B
ballast Offline OP
Member
ballast  Offline OP
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 740
She has definitely been more conversational with me via email regarding details of my D4's life. Down right friendly recently in regards to our being flexible to accomodate each other's vacation plans.

But then...she still can't look at me face to face after 18 months apart. When we exchanged D4 she simply could not look at me. Still amazes me she's still like that, but it just is what it is.

Yeah, definitely take the high road with her. Agree on the things she says I agree with and then just move on.


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 7/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861350
08/14/19 04:43 PM
08/14/19 04:43 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
T
TBSakaJ9 Offline
Member
TBSakaJ9  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,991
They all know what they did and how they went about handling it. I think they get more friendly once they see you moving on, happy, etc. It relieves them of the guilt.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861353
08/14/19 04:57 PM
08/14/19 04:57 PM
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 603
T
Twofeet Offline
Member
Twofeet  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 603
My XW gets really friendly when (1) she wants something or (2) OM is out of town. Outside of that she is usually pretty dark unless it is kids schedules. Be cordial, but don't go out of your way and bend over backwards.


H(37) W(35)
D8, D5, S3
T20, M13
BD 8/31/18
EA Discovered 9/13/18
Mediation 10/3/18
W files for D 10/12/18
W moves out 11/10/18
EA confirmed 12/25/18
D Final 1/10/19
Re: My Future Awaits [Re: ballast] #2861358
08/14/19 05:25 PM
08/14/19 05:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,948
K
kml Offline
Member
kml  Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 14,948
Those could both be legitimate questions : what soap? (D4 is having a rash or allergic reaction to something and I'm trying to figure out what, or D4 said she really likes your soap and I'd like to buy it too). What bedtime? (D4 is coming home really tired after visitation with you and I wondered if she's staying up too late. Or I'm trying to enforce an 8:00 bedtime but your 10:00 bedtime is messing it up.)

If she didn't give you more information, I;d just reply "Why do you ask?" and see what her response is. If it's legitimate, reply. If it's not then you can give her the lecture on separate parenting.

Page 9 of 10 1 2 7 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004