Happy Father's Day everyone. So far I have had a great Father's Day hanging out with my kids. My wife is planning a mid-afternoon dinner and then maybe a hike. It sure is weird experiencing a Father's Day while licking the floor of Hell. I pray that God uses today to soften my wife's heart to let me back in. But, I also pray that God gives us all the strength to allow us to fulfill his purpose with our lives.
Yeah I hear about licking the floor of hell. My BIL's are wrapping up my projects at the house. Been avoiding them. They are good guys though. Just [censored] coming home and seeing all your hard work undone and your tools left out all over the place. So I've been out with S1 both days until 8pm visiting family and friends and park hopping. [censored] he has to nap in the car. But we are having a good time. W got me a Groupon to krav maga classes and a beautiful picture book of me and S1 from Shutterfly. That softened my heart a little and I thanked her even though it was from S1.
Destroyd: everything about where we are is weird. After a while you even become used to the weird. I remember telling someone who I don't know terribly well but who knew something was up with me what was going on in my M. She said 'Well THAT is totally inappropriate' and all I could do is agree with her. There are days when you cope with the weird and maybe even get along ok living beside the weird and days where the weird totally overwhelm you, and there's not much rhyme or reason behind either, but the being ok days gradually outweigh the overwhelming days. Earlier on I was driving my kids home and having a silly conversation with ds2 and it was lovely and we were laughing away and I felt carefree. Later on I was reading something funny on the internet to him and laughing so hard I got hiccups. I need more days like that. The overwhelming days sure get you down big time.
In a way I envy you your religious beliefs, they must be a comfort to you. But don't forget that ultimately it's only you who has the power to change yourself in this situation. Use your belief to give you strength to do that.
Thanks Dilly! I truly believe that when we suffer God tries to get us to more toward him and to allow him to make us better disciples. However, ultimately we need to embrace this and do the work He wants us to do. Most of us miss these callings. I hope I can use this one to live out God's purpose better than I have been. Don't get me wrong. While I have faith, I do have massive doubts. I think that wrestling with these doubts allows our faith to become stronger in the long run.
So my wife is currently making me a nice father's day meal. I offered to help, but she felt guilty by me helping. She kind of snapped at me. I just get so confused by all of actions and statements. 90% of the time, she talks as if we have a future together in our house. Then, 10% of the time (usually at MC) I learn that things are getting no better with our relationship.
I think she thinks she will definitely get the house. Do you guys think I should state that I intend to never leave this house and would want it if she decides to pursue divorce? I sometimes think me ruinning her well thought out plans make her reconsider herself.
If my wife leaves me, I am not sure I will ever be able to look at her again, let alone be at peace with her. She is stealing the love of my life from me, all of my memories and my dreams. I am afraid that I will hate her for that.
Hi Destroyd, that's a crazy amount to process--a partner lost, memories tainted, dreams gone.
After my divorce, I definitely felt hurt and angry. Fast-forward 8 years: My daughter "promoted" this week. My ex and I celebrated with our daughter and had a nice lunch afterwards discussing her future. I ensured the kids got her things for mother's day, she ensured the kids got me things for father's day.
I genuinely hope you do not go down the divorce path and you two reconcile.
Destroyed. You may want to read what just posted in Uni's thread. I get what you are saying, I understand your hurt, your resentment, and your failed expectations about every hope and dream being destroyed. The bbq's the kids, the hard work in your home. The vacations, the intimate moments, the way you wanted to see your family grow. All of those things. I think men see their marital happiness much different than some women IMO. We cherish good memories and want more of them for our families and W's. I think the W's see it a bit different. They see the future from current circumstances based in their current feelings. Very different perceptions and attitude of time. You have to be at peace with yourself and your current circumstances, and just accept it, and keep moving forward. We cannot control another persons current feelings, decisions, perception, and thinking, but we can possibly influence them with good actions. Lean into it if you can help it. But I understand the defensiveness and hurt because of W's current decisions. You feel betrayed in trust I bet? I'm guilty of it too, but we need to move past it and accept things. Or we are never going to heal.
CWarrior and IHCLACS, Thank you for your advice, and I know that you are right. I know that I will have to change my mindset on how I see the ruined memories and lost dreams. I have already started the work in doing that. I hope that I can eventually get to a point of forgiveness. Heck, I am still holding out hope that we fix this marriage. I love her so much and we get along so well, but I know I can't fix her.
It sure is weird experiencing a Father's Day while licking the floor of Hell.
Well first of all, count yourself lucky as a lot of dads here didn't get a card, a gift or a wife-prepared meal for father's day so despite everything, that was very kind of your W and you should be thankful because things could be much worse. Second, I know it seems like you're groveling in hell right now but that is temporary. Your situation WILL change for the better, whether you recon or not. It could go either way, but when you look at the vets here that have been around for years, they're all in a better place. Some reconciled, some divorced, and some are still standing, but all are in much better shape emotionally and mentally then they were when they arrived here. So hang onto hope because you and everyone else here have every reason to hope. It WILL work out in the long run.
Look at my signature and how long it's been since my divorce. Saturday my two daughters came in town and they, my son and my XW all took me to dinner and then ice cream. My XW paid. Then we went back to her house and they gave me some bday presents (we were celebrating my bday and father's day). I hung out there a couple of hours afterwards. I sent my XW a text later thanking her and she replied back that she had fun. My point is that even if you don't stay married it doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is over. You will more than likely have some kind of relationship afterwards, and who knows what that may lead to down the road.
