Hello, I’m looking for perspective and advice here. My husband moved out 11 months ago. We have a 3 year old daughter, and he comes here several times a week to see her, so we end up spending a fair amount of time together. I’ve been getting mixed signals from him throughout, but every time I’ve brought up reconciliation, he says he wants a divorce. But he hasn’t filed. Things were tense in the beginning of the separation and every time we argued he’d say he wanted a divorce. I decided to be patient, and to get therapy and really “clean up my side of the street” as I very much want to stay married to him. Things seemed to have plateaued recently; we have been getting along well, even chatting/joking and generally enjoying each other’s company. Then on Monday he texted me that he wants to move forward with the divorce. And last night he brought the (blank) papers to my house. We had a 3 hour talk, and I did propose reconciliation (for the first time in months; Ive just been being warm and kind and not talking about it for a long time now). He was very receptive to the things I was saying, asking follow up questions, etc. it seemed like he was sooooooo close to saying he’d give it try many times in the convo, but by the end he was saying it’s too late and he wants to file the papers. I know that I should probably give up, but I just can’t seem to. It felt like he was so close. Does anyone have any insight/advice/experience with a similar situation?
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Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
but every time I’ve brought up reconciliation, he says he wants a divorce. But he hasn’t filed. Things were tense in the beginning of the separation and every time we argued he’d say he wanted a divorce.
First off I am very sorry you find yourself here, especially with a young child.
What does what you have said means to you ?
I would say he is wavering. What can you do to weigh things on your side ?
For us guys having a child can be very difficult. We get used to being n o 1 in our partners life and then it all changes .
I feel like I know he is wavering, but nothing I do seems to change that at all. I’ve been in therapy, I’ve been opwna an warm and friendly to him despite everything. And now this. I feel lost
I am sorry your are here. It's a tough road, and I'm sure doubly so with a small child.
Could you tell us a little more about your situation? How long you are married? Is there an OW in the picture?
If there is one thing I learned during this process, is that no matter what we say or do, it will not control the journey our spouse is on. We can only live our life to it's fullest, find our OWN happiness and purpose, and IF that someday includes our spouse, than so be it. Focus on your child, and being the most present, best mommy you can be. That is the most important thing IMO.
Thank you for this. Being a good mom is what I’m focused on first (second and third) and foremost. Though I’m betond drained and exhausted I wouldn’t have it any other way for my daughter. I never imagined being here ( nobody does, I’m Sure) and it is just SO. HARD.
We’ve been married 6.5 years. We had a lot of fighting and hard times to be sure. He says he can see changes I’ve made but he’s afraid to trust it, afraid to take a chance and risk being hurt. I understand that for sure. Of course we both hurt each other, but I’m in a place of focusing on acknowledging and realizing the ways I hurt him as the damage I did. He recognizes and appreciates that, but it seems that isn’t enough. There is no other woman as far as I know. When he first moved out he told me he wanted to be able to date, so I can’t say with completely certainty. Though I can say that all evidence points to that there isn’t any one woman he’s seeing. I just don’t want to give up. What should I do at this point??
Thank you for this. Being a good mom is what I’m focused on first (second and third) and foremost. Though I’m betond drained and exhausted I wouldn’t have it any other way for my daughter. I never imagined being here ( nobody does, I’m Sure) and it is just SO. HARD.
We’ve been married 6.5 years. We had a lot of fighting and hard times to be sure. He says he can see changes I’ve made but he’s afraid to trust it, afraid to take a chance and risk being hurt. I understand that for sure. Of course we both hurt each other, but I’m in a place of focusing on acknowledging and realizing the ways I hurt him as the damage I did. He recognizes and appreciates that, but it seems that isn’t enough. There is no other woman as far as I know. When he first moved out he told me he wanted to be able to date, so I can’t say with completely certainty. Though I can say that all evidence points to that there isn’t any one woman he’s seeing. I just don’t want to give up. What should I do at this point??
I don’t know what to think or feel at this point. My husband is with our daughter, I saw an opportunity to leave after a few hours spent all together, we worked together rearranging daughters room and had a nice time, laughed a bit. I took the opportunity to leave on a high note, and caught him by surprise with my exit. Feeling good but also dreading finding out if he will bring up the divorce papers again tonight. I need advice/a game plan.
"I understand you want a divorce, but it is not the path that I would want to take. However, I will not stand in your way if you choose to follow through with divorce."
