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A Message from Michele
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Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: kml] #2847388
04/29/19 11:07 PM
04/29/19 11:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,162
Southern Maryland
job Online

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,162
Southern Maryland
Ginger

Please take care of yourself. I agree w/kml, sounds like things are going well w/your boyfriend. Sometimes we have to step away from the forum to recharge and focus on ourselves, family and friends.

Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2847501
04/30/19 06:37 PM
04/30/19 06:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,709
Midwest
D
DonH Online
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,709
Midwest
I have to say Ginger I'm sorry to see you go - or at least step back. Having a hunch we might have the same feelings, I reached out to you off of the boards (just providing full disclosure here) and it would appear it is and we do. I'm not sure what has happened to at least this side of the board but to me it seems anything but healthy and helpful sometimes. I either feel like I'm being a nag or an enabler - and I'd much rather be a nag or even a jerk than enable what I down to my core believe is some really bad decisions.

Most people are going to do what they are going to do - as well they should. They are adults and it's their life. But then what's the point of a group like this if we are not going to at least consider what other's have to say. It's gotten to be basically a small club of about a dozen people who don't want to hurt one another's feelings so are now letting some rather bad decisions just go unchecked and unchallenged. And clearly, some are not hear to get input - rather just to journal.

I've not left but it's probably somewhat obvious that I've not been posting much at all either. I mean why bother? It's almost like I'm commenting on someone's personal diary - which I don't at all think what MWD had in mind here for these boards - a personal diary. I still value and get some enjoyment out of reading the posts. I don't agree with my real life friends all of the time either, and that's okay - but they are not trying to improve their lives and make better or at least different decisions on the second (or third or even fourth) time around.

So I guess I'm mostly saying, I get it Ginger - I get it. We are in desperate need of some new blood, more people, varied opinions and people not only willing to give their honest opinion but those actually wanting to not only hear but consider it. Hopefully you'll still pop back in from time to time. I know I will miss your often spot on opinions and suggestions. I get it and would follow your advice even if others might not. Without a doubt, you have come a long way - a very long way - and have really changed and some would say corrected previous decisions in favor of much more grounded and certainly more healthy ones. You should be extremely proud of your growth and where it has gotten you. Make no mistake, you have given some great advice and solid opinions- even if not everyone wants to hear them and take them to heart.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2847509
04/30/19 07:05 PM
04/30/19 07:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,418
K
kml Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,418
You know Don, just because we hit someone over the head with 2 x 4s or offer them a contrary opinion on their choices, doesn't mean we have any right to be frustrated if they don't take our advice - after all, THEY are living their life, not us. Feedback can be helpful but that doesn't mean advice has to always be taken. That's one of the things I love about the boards, that people feel free to offer their opinions - and people feel free to take the advice or not! And I don't presume that my advice is always right - just my personal perspective.

I find it very helpful here to see how people are dealing with their dating challenges, and it helps me to re-evaluate some of my own choices. I'm guilty of rushing in to rescue CMM ("he has CANCER! He's all ALONE!") and that hasn't worked out perfectly.

Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2847531
04/30/19 09:38 PM
04/30/19 09:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,793
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JujuB Offline
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Ginger - best of luck. I always loved reading your posts. Your honesty, openness and your ability to just put it all out there makes you a favorite on here. I have always appreciated your advice and you helped me a lot with feeling good about my decision with ex bf. Itís so clear when your outside of the situation but not so easy when your in it. Anyway, you know where to reach me. Hope to keep in touch.

Don - I think if we are willing to put it out there on an interactive forum we have to accept the fact that people are gonna have different perspectives and opinions. I have found it interesting to read about and hear back from others regarding post divorce dating, relationships, and other issues. I think everyone has for the most part been pretty respectful. I think itís also comforting to hear from people that share the same struggles and then to also share in the successes. I agree though that this forum feels different to me then when I posted on newcomers. Itís a different vibe I canít quite put my finger on. Maybe in newcomers everyone is hyper focused and sharing tragedy. And here itís no longer acute and raw so our differences make it harder?


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2847551
05/01/19 12:55 AM
05/01/19 12:55 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,230
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Massachusetts
G I will miss your posts. Don - I am guilty of journaling but I will also say that the main forum I've posted in since Day 1 is the MLC side. This forum is different. I don't feel quite like I belong in the MLC side of things as my sitch has progressed, but I also feel like this side is a bit cliquey for lack of a better word. People don't often comment or at least not in the same way as they do over there, so I'm trying this side one more time, but truthfully - yeah. I've read some posts where I scratch my head and say "what?" but again, I'm not living someone's life - who knows that the path that looks like a future train wreck to me isn't exactly what they need to get to their next level of growth. Dunno if that makes sense.

Ginger, I must tell you before you go that I've appreciated your honesty and your struggles and triumphs. It was important to me to read what you've gone through in your post D life and with post D dating. I'm teetering here on the edge of the dating pool and your posts and honesty mean a lot, just want to say that. Don't stray too far. xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2847579
05/01/19 10:45 AM
05/01/19 10:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,669
G
Ginger1 Online OP
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Wow! Thank you so much for the kind words. I guess I came to a point of not being able to tell if I was helping or hurting people and thatís a bad spot to be in. People here are more than words on a board ( a good portion of DBíers from back in the olden days are my real life personal friends) and some here and now I have gotten in contact with and I know are truly real people. And sometimes I read and want to jump out and I canít because I donít want to hurt these people. I think I am becoming to emotionally involved and maybe need to step back a bit and just focus on me. Some days it may even color my situation with my boyfriend and I canít have that either. Things are going great between us. We really are in love and itís a respect kind of love. We are 8 months now and still getting to know each other. For once I donít feel a rush. I think I was always knew my other Rís were going to come to an end and I had to keep them together even if they werenít healthy for me. And I was just worried I was not going to do any better. I donít have this now and itís just completely eye opening . Iíve been divorced and dating for 11 years. And Iíve made soo many mistakes, hadnít respected myself and it took me forever and I finally am, and thanks to people here and IRL.

I only know how to be raw honest and open and it bit always the best thing, butbim glad I could help people with the honesty of my life.

And I want to mention one thing that was pretty defining last night:

My dad and stepmothers dog had to be put to sleep last night . He is the brother of my/ exís dog. That dog was my exís idea as a Fatherís Day gift to my dad. I informed ex that he was being put to sleep. He called me, but I was sleeping. Last night he texted our daughter to say he was sorry to hear.

Here it comes : D11 comes into my room and tells me her dad texted her and I must have told him. She said she felt very lucky and happy to have divorced parents who get along and talk to each other. She said we even laugh together sometimes and that it feels good to watch. She said most divorced parents canít even talk to each other and we always do and it makes her very happy for that. She said she loves how the 3 of us could spend her birthday with her and that time is very special to her ( on her actual birthday, the ex, me and her do an activity an dinner, just the 3 of us)

If you knew where I can from, this is huge. I did this is for our daughter and also my personal peace. And I canít tell you how good it feels that it made such a wonderful difference in my daughters life. Itís all I could have hoped for.

Iím stop in from time to time but Iím going to refrain from others threads for a bit while I do some self care for a while.
I do appreciate all the kind words and wish you all love all the best on this never ending crazy journey

Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2847582
05/01/19 11:48 AM
05/01/19 11:48 AM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,398
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TBSakaJ9 Offline
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 4,398
G......best of luck and thank you for all of your comments. I take everything you post to me to heart and it has helped me more than you will ever know.


Married 14, Together 17
M: 44, W: 43, D: 8, D: 6
M: 46, W: 45. D: 10. D: 8 (CUR)
Bomb Dropped: 5/28/2017
Separation Date: 6/17/2017
Divorce Filed: 2/7/2018
Divorce Final: 4/12/2018
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: DonH] #2847584
05/01/19 12:11 PM
05/01/19 12:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,067
North East US
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pinn Online
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Originally Posted by DonH
I have to say Ginger I'm sorry to see you go - or at least step back. Having a hunch we might have the same feelings, I reached out to you off of the boards (just providing full disclosure here) and it would appear it is and we do. I'm not sure what has happened to at least this side of the board but to me it seems anything but healthy and helpful sometimes. I either feel like I'm being a nag or an enabler - and I'd much rather be a nag or even a jerk than enable what I down to my core believe is some really bad decisions.

Most people are going to do what they are going to do - as well they should. They are adults and it's their life. But then what's the point of a group like this if we are not going to at least consider what other's have to say. It's gotten to be basically a small club of about a dozen people who don't want to hurt one another's feelings so are now letting some rather bad decisions just go unchecked and unchallenged. And clearly, some are not hear to get input - rather just to journal.

I've not left but it's probably somewhat obvious that I've not been posting much at all either. I mean why bother? It's almost like I'm commenting on someone's personal diary - which I don't at all think what MWD had in mind here for these boards - a personal diary. I still value and get some enjoyment out of reading the posts. I don't agree with my real life friends all of the time either, and that's okay - but they are not trying to improve their lives and make better or at least different decisions on the second (or third or even fourth) time around.

So I guess I'm mostly saying, I get it Ginger - I get it. We are in desperate need of some new blood, more people, varied opinions and people not only willing to give their honest opinion but those actually wanting to not only hear but consider it. Hopefully you'll still pop back in from time to time. I know I will miss your often spot on opinions and suggestions. I get it and would follow your advice even if others might not. Without a doubt, you have come a long way - a very long way - and have really changed and some would say corrected previous decisions in favor of much more grounded and certainly more healthy ones. You should be extremely proud of your growth and where it has gotten you. Make no mistake, you have given some great advice and solid opinions- even if not everyone wants to hear them and take them to heart.


Sorry to hijack but man I am glad someone else feels the same. That sums it up absolutely perfectly Don. I thought I was in bizarro world down here. Though I do miss the learning that I was able to achieve while I was in new comers I legit learned a ton about relationships, things that I had never considered before and it was eye opening for me. I miss that. Maybe there is somewhere else I can find that will give me that again as I enter this new phase.

Anyway, best of luck ginger!


Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day, hey hey
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: DonH] #2847592
05/01/19 01:40 PM
05/01/19 01:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,303
D
Drew Offline
Member
Drew  Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,303
Originally Posted by DonH
Most people are going to do what they are going to do - as well they should. They are adults and it's their life. But then what's the point of a group like this if we are not going to at least consider what other's have to say. It's gotten to be basically a small club of about a dozen people who don't want to hurt one another's feelings so are now letting some rather bad decisions just go unchecked and unchallenged. And clearly, some are not hear to get input - rather just to journal.

Exactly why I seldom post much anymore!!

I don't know, but when I first got here there was a lot of kind hearted support I got that I needed when I was going through the initial shock and turmoil of being a LBS. But as my situation progressed I got a lot of honest feedback from folks who turned into good friends outside this board. People like J3B, Mach, and Eric who challenged me to examine my role in the breakup of my marriage and not just play the victim card. (Well, Jack was a bit of a cuddler at times right Mach?) As Eric would say "do the hard work" that I don't see a lot of people here now doing.

Was it easy??!! H*ll no!! But it made me a better, stronger person and has definitely helped me in all aspects of my life and current relationships. There is a time for coddling and a time for 2x4's. Maybe it's our current politically correct climate and the fear of offending anyone, I don't know, but it certainly feels different.

Sorry, for the hijack Ginger!! I wish you all the best and you know you can challenge me and be brutally honest with me anytime you want.

smile


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Re: Rollin' with the punches [Re: Ginger1] #2847604
05/01/19 02:12 PM
05/01/19 02:12 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,132
CT/USA
E
ericmsant2 Offline
Member
ericmsant2  Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,132
CT/USA
Jack and Mach cuddlers? Rotflmao.

Hey Ginger - to post or not....your choice. Choose wisely. Love ya sis!


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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