My EXWW literally told me that I was the one that was wrong. She literally convinced herself that even though every single person that we know, thinks adultery is wrong, and what she did is wrong/hateful/hurtful, that everyone else was wrong, because she didn't think it was wrong. She literally told me that and that she was right in what she did. Again, the hateful things she said helped push me away and see that I deserve so much better.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
There is something about MLC which quite literally poisons the brain of the afflicted.
Some of the stuff I heard from my wife 9 to 10 years ago:
Don't go and date other women. What if I want to come back to you in the future?
I don't believe in divorce.
Actually I want a divorce. Sign this prepared form.
I ripped it up and threw it in the bin, telling her I wasn't going to lie about how long we had been separated, but told her she could come back after it had been a year (Australian law)
Transfer me some money (while living with OM - I told her to go and **** herself. I may also, in my rage, have suggested getting a job at her local brothel if she needed some quick cash)
I always come back to you, GH31
It would be great if you could merge you and OM.
OM has erectile dysfunction. Come and do to me what you're good at.
And on and on and on and on and on and on and on........
Steve85 is right. Every time I went scorched Earth, went out with buddies, didn't contact her for days or weeks, ignored her messages and, dare I say it, had fun with other women was when she'd try and keep me on the hook. Towards the end I was totally indifferent and W sensed this.
My W very definitely had an MLC but I didn't realise that until about 5-6 years after BD.
I doubt my approach would have changed either way.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
There is something about MLC which quite literally poisons the brain of the afflicted.
Some of the stuff I heard from my wife 9 to 10 years ago:
Don't go and date other women. What if I want to come back to you in the future?
I don't believe in divorce.
Actually I want a divorce. Sign this prepared form.
I ripped it up and threw it in the bin, telling her I wasn't going to lie about how long we had been separated, but told her she could come back after it had been a year (Australian law)
Transfer me some money (while living with OM - I told her to go and **** herself. I may also, in my rage, have suggested getting a job at her local brothel if she needed some quick cash)
I always come back to you, GH31
It would be great if you could merge you and OM.
OM has erectile dysfunction. Come and do to me what you're good at.
And on and on and on and on and on and on and on........
Steve85 is right. Every time I went scorched Earth, went out with buddies, didn't contact her for days or weeks, ignored her messages and, dare I say it, had fun with other women was when she'd try and keep me on the hook. Towards the end I was totally indifferent and W sensed this.
My W very definitely had an MLC but I didn't realise that until about 5-6 years after BD.
I doubt my approach would have changed either way.
HAHA. That part about ED is hilarious because it relates to my situation. When I was snooping before, I found that my EXWW was ordering a special cream from Amazon, on her account, that she didn't think I could see, for "numbing" purposes. So her extra super special man has ED issues.
Good luck to her on that. I never had issues and now that I dropped 100lbs I can say that I am top notch in that department. Something my EXWW will NEVER experience again.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
To say that any one variable does or doesn't affect one's sitch is pure conjecture.
Unless you could test it both ways keeping all other variables constant. Who knows?
To that point, I believe that religion has everything to do with the outcome.
Now I'm really confused.
Assertion 1: First you wrote "to say one variable does or doesn't affect the outcome is pure conjecture".
Religion is a variable, some absolutely swear by it, others (like my wife) put it in the same category as the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and leprechauns.
Assertion 2: You believe religion has everything to do with the outcome.
How can both assertions possibly be true?
Yes. I believe that it does. This is conjecture. My opinion.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
My W actually did end up getting a job at a company that sold medication for erectile dysfunction.
It was no laughing matter for me back then.
Honestly, I cannot believe some of the stuff that went down. It makes sense now - knowing much more about MLC - but my God it was brutal.
Oh I had my share of issues when i was heavier and extremely stressed out. But it was very minimal. Still sucked. I only laugh now because thats karma for my EXWW
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Steve, you say "Every time I showed her I was perfectly fine with her leaving, and even endorsed it, she start having second thoughts."
How do you show her you're perfectly fine with leaving her? Do you tell her explicitly?
If she's unsure about leaving, should you say, "W, if you're so unsure about whether you even want to work on our marriage, then we should get a divorce"?
To be clear, I don't want a divorce. Just asking how to show her that I'm perfectly fine with her leaving, or how to endorse her idea to leave.
Action always over words. Saying your fine with it but then being mopey and weepy and sad will mean nothing. So be upbeat, pleased, confident, even happy.
She comes to you and says "I've decided I'm moving out." You: "Ok." And then go out a comedy in TV and laugh your head off.
She says: "I want a divorce." You: "Are you filing out do you want me to?" Then call a buddy up make plans and go out and have a good time.
Action. Not words.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
When we’re having dinner together, or playing with the dogs (since we still live together), I assume I should also be “upbeat, pleased, confident, even happy”? Even though she’s thinking of leaving?
When we’re having dinner together, or playing with the dogs (since we still live together), I assume I should also be “upbeat, pleased, confident, even happy”? Even though she’s thinking of leaving?
Yes. Read and follow Sandi's rules. They are where it is at!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
