Now facing divorce

[OneArt]

How many lawyers did you interview? I interviewed many before I hired one and not one encouraged me to take my H down, which I could easily do. Again, your choice, but all of you will live with the consequences of your actions.

[Hamburg]

3. He is strong but sensible. I know....that's why I am taking time before pulling the trigger. Need time to absorb everything.

[MarvinF]

Again, your choice, but all of you will live with the consequences of your actions.

This x1000. Just like our MLC spouses a day will come when all of this has passed and we still have to live with ourselves, how we held ourselves up and how we acted when confronted with MLC. OneArt is absolutely correct, both for the kids, and for you, and for the woman you shared your life with.

One day you will look back and you want to be proud of how you were doing the darkest hours and be proud of how your kids learned from you, no?

In reading your posts I sense the pain, the love, the anger, the compassion. Maybe I am wrong. But it is perfectly normal to be in turmoil and experience all of these. Question is which of these are the true Hamburg?

[peacetoday]

H

I sense you will do the right thing by your wife-and your kids-
I really do-


I personally did everything within my power during D to keep my kids safe

It bothered me to know they may be sleeping at my XH Beach apartment with the OW there
I didn't know who she was at the time-and it scared me to have another women raising my kids-influencing them
Especially the kind of woman who cheats with her boss-

I may have let him have visitation, until I found out they were using and drinking excessively,
and my then 5 year old had life threatening allergies-I fought hard-

I didn't fight to take him down- I did it to self protect the three of us-
I could not stop his negative choices but I could protect my innocent kids and I did

I am grateful beyond belief that I did this, and both my kids are very well today-never met her

When it came between us and him- my main concern was to make sure we were financially stable and safe-

He finally chose to move out of state when he M OW-
last I heard he was deep into drugs and D

But we don't keep in any touch with him nor do his sisters-

D is a tough time-Emotions run high and sometimes our pain clouds us-
I sense you will do what's fair-

and in time when you see her direction -you may have to intervene for the kids-
if it is true MLC- she will continue to decline-

[Hamburg]

It sounds terrible that someone can slip down so far. That is what I fear will happen to my W, as OM is into drugs and has nothing to lose. She is vulnerable and has been for some time. I have to do what's best for my kids and that likely means going on a strong offensive with my case. "Destroying" her was reference to getting the kids 50/50. Her parents called me last week and pleaded with me to get the kids and they SAY they will do anything to help me do that. They have met OM several times and do not want him around kids. I won't ask then for help, as it would forever tarnish their relationship with W.

I continue to pray for her and know she will slip out of this.....even years down the road.

[kml]

Her parents called me last week and pleaded with me to get the kids and they SAY they will do anything to help me do that. They have met OM several times and do not want him around kids. I won't ask then for help, as it would forever tarnish their relationship with W.

Take their help. I'm serious. If this OM is as bad as they seem to think, your number one goal needs to be protecting your kids, not your wife. And be very very grateful for in-laws that are putting your kids' welfare above their loyalty to their daughter.

[Hamburg]

Her mom called me in tears and said she cannot believe she is on my side of things. I don't know how far they're willing to go. I will ask Atty what they can offer.

[Hamburg]

Met with Atty today. Presented my case and he wanted to file temp orders now. I want to get through the holidays because my temp order request will inflame the W (she feels entitled to WAY more than I'm willing to do). Dont want to create a scene here around the holidays. Will look at first of the year which fits my timeline of finding a place to rent as well. Need time to build the case as well. I'm happy with the decision for now.

[Gerda]

Hamburg, I once had a conversation with a priest about my H and how it was or wasn't possible to respect him as a man while he was crazy. We were talking about how he wants to sell our house so he can live off the money and not have to work. I also asked if my desire to keep the house was me making an idol out of the house or out of money, etc. He said something that has really stuck with me -- he said, if you truly want to love your husband, and he tried to set fire to the house, would you not think it would be right to keep him from succeeding?

Your in-laws relationship with your W is already tarnished. But it will be healed when the time is right. Now is not the time. You have no idea how lucky you are to have them see things clearly and want to help. My in-laws abandoned my kids completely because they couldn't watch the downfall of our M; before that my MIL was a huge part of their lives, so the MLC plus her abandonment was really devastating. So count yourself lucky! Take their help -- together the three of you can keep W from burning your metaphorical house down. It's the best way to love W if you think about it. There is a scripture I always rely on to remind myself that I should try to keep our ship from sinking; even if you are not Christian I think you'll see the relevance -- This is the steward, faithful and prudent, whom his lord will set over his household, to give them their portion of food at the proper time.

[job]

I think you are doing the right thing in waiting until after the holidays to file temp orders. You are putting your family first because your w may go off the rails even more so and no one wants to ruin a family holiday. Continue to document and keeps your notes/records in a safe place.

As for your in-laws, try not to discuss too much of what is going on w/them. Your situation is between you and your w and you do not want third parties in the mix. If they offer help, take it. Not many in-laws will listen to the LBS because blood is always thicker than water.