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DB346 Offline OP
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Previous thread - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2802149#Post2802149

We had the hearing. Neither one of us got what we wanted. The judge awarded joint custody with W as primary. I get him about 1/3 of the time. Every other weekend Friday evening through Monday morning and one weekday overnight every week. Sadly, in our state that is considered a win for a father...

I've basically been in tears since walking out of the courthouse. I trust that God has a bigger plan for me and my S, but the pain of losing my wife and now 2/3 of my son's childhood feels unbearable. I have IC this afternoon and hope that I can come out of that feeling a little more able to function.


Last edited by DB346; 10/04/18 01:29 PM.

Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
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Hang in there DB! It is always the darkest before dawn. Find the strength inside of you.


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
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DB,

I have a brother that is the same sitch for the last 4 years and he felt exactly the same after thinking about giving up that much time. That being said he made a commitment to making every second of that 1/3 time meaningful for him and his S and has been very satisfied with how his son and him have not missed a beat. His real success has been giving up any resentment towards his wife and she has noticed and often asks if he can take S additional weekends and days where he always says yes.

Wish you the best in your sitch and keep working on yourself, make you a better person and live the best life that you can. It will be tough but brother keeps me going saying now 4 years after D he has met someone else and is happier than he thought he would ever be.


H-50
W-48
T-19
M -18
S23, S14
BD - 5/9/2018
OM discovered 5/10/2018

In house sep - 8/18/2018
Rope drop 2/15/2019
R'ing since 3/15/2019
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Prayers for you DB346.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Oh DB346, I feel your pain. (((Hugs))). I used to hate it when people said God has a reason behind this, but I have come to believe it. Feelings change, so will both yours and your WW's. Get through the next few months, you are in my prayers today.

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Sending you a big hug DB3. It takes time but it gets better.

Keep working on yourself, keep DB.

Stay strong!

(((DB3)))


WW H(me): 51
W: 47
T: 26 M: 21
S: 16
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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Be the best dad you can be, your S can always decide for himself down the road where he wants to be, and no court can change his decision. Keep that in mind and focus that energy into something you can control.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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DB346 Offline OP
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I've had a few days now to process what happened at the hearing. What I realized is that she spent our entire marriage keeping score. We have been apart for over 5 months. We don't see each other at all and only communicate by text about our son. She is very resolute in her desire for this D. It feels like the only thing I can do is go through with the divorce and continue to live my life for God, my son and myself. There is no chance of R unless she comes to me and is truly willing to do the work. I love her enough to let her go live her life without me.

I know we shouldn't believe anything they say, and only half of what they do, but I do believe that she doesn't love me. I have worked hard to better myself and I deserve better.


Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 953
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DB,

Except for the child I am in a similar scenario to you. My W and I don't see each other, don't speak, and rarely communicate other than logistical (dog) or financial stuff. She has moved on, and I am working on it as well. By both words and actions our Ws have told us they are done with the MR and as painful as that is to hear and to accept we have no other choice. It is truly unfortunate that we ended up in this scenario, but here we are. All we can do is the best we can for ourselves, and in your case for your son. It sounds like you are reaching a place of greater acceptance and equanimity. Just remember that progress isn't linear and there will still be ebbs and flows which are normal.

Working hard to better ourselves is crucial, but not for our Ws. It has to be done for ourselves, and we need to keep working to be the best versions of ourselves. I will disagree with you on one point. We don't "deserve" better. "Deserve" has nothing to do with it since life owes us nothing. I often fell (and occasionally still fall) into the trap of thinking that since I am a good guy who leads a good life, I deserved something. Nope. It doesn't work that way. Life is sometimes going to take a sh$t on us, like it is right now, no matter what we do. Working on ourselves and being the best people we can be is no guarantee of anything. It has to be its own reward.

Hang in there.


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 182
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Same here DB, wife is having an affair for the last 4 months. Shes now wanting a D. No councilling or interest in fixing anything. Re-writing our wedding history and totally cold and callous. Shes in true Limerence!


BH: 36 WW:33
M: 2
Relationship: 6 years. Dday: Aug 2018
0
1st mention of D: 30/09, 2nd Mention 17/02/2019
LRT: Oct 2018
WW & AP: EA & PA since June 2018 (Moved country and in with AP Feb 2019)
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