part of me wants to just lay into her...but that will get me nowhere in life.
Selfish does not begin to describe her. She has no filter... She wants what she wants and doesn't give a cr@p about what you want... Don't let her tell you what she wants to share... All of that is for her. To make herself feel better... I would rather you lay into her than give in and let her share her feelings... But only if you say your peace and walk away/hang up... That might be too difficult for you...
What up board. Having a real down day today. Just sad overall. Not sure what came over me. W emailed me about taking her name off some accounts; and some final financial stuff and I guess it just brought up old hurt.
I had a great GAL yesterday and my mind was free. Today I have some stuff planned for today to keep my mind occupied; but I keep thinking about her. Not even thinking about reconciliation; because I know that ship has sailed - just thinking about starting this whole love thing over again and losing half my friends; half my family; and the woman I spent my whole adult life with....
Just venting I guess.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Hi Chris, Just was reading through here and I can remember feeling exactly as you do with your WAW. Looking back 4 years ago now, easily my BIGGEST ally in rebuilding my manhood, in GAL, and eventually realizing that my WAW lost a great guy was NC! No question about it. Absolute no contact. Early on I felt like an abandoned puppy dog. Thinking back to myself back then disgusts me. No way in hell my WAW, or any woman, is going to have that power over me. They'd be lucky to land a guy like me.
Recently my WAW contacted me after years of me being in NC. She wanted to return some old family photos she found that were mine. We met up and after that she was relentless in contacting me. We met up a few times over the past few weeks and it was strange at first as we hadn't laid eyes on each other for 4 years. However after awhile it was familiar again. Then just last week she apparently had another WAW attack/relapse or whatever LOL and vanished again...
I tell you this story because I want you, being so young especially, to see the contrast here in terms of me. In 2014 her doing this little Bewitched disappearing act would have torn me apart...and it really did. It reduced me to a whimpering puppy. Now in 2018, I don't care what she does. She wants to twitch her nose and vanish? LOL then knock yourself out WAW.I sure as heck ain't going to go looking for ya LOL! She could never text me again now and I will be just fine because I know my own awesomeness and it's her loss. Now it just so happens that we both happened to be single now so I am open to R with her, I still love her...but I'll be damned if I am going to let her bring me down. No way!! My attitude may sound arrogant, but if WAW doesn't want me, then she can go find some other dude who won't hold a candle to me. I don't care because I have my own life. I could just as easily date some lovely women if I want to. It's quite a liberating feeling. After all, she's had 4 years to find better than me and lo and behold I hear from her after years of silence. That tells me I'm still the measuring stick to her and her suitors LOL!
So I may very well not hear from my WAW now for another year, or two, or whatever. It doesn't matter because I merely want her now...I don't need her...and to me that is the beginning of DBing and the successful ending to DBing...going from needing to wanting. Making YOURSELF whole again...not necessarily saving your marriage (some marriages probably shouldn't be salvaged actually.) The idea is to make yourself whole again, because only then will you be able to be in a successful relationship anyway...with your WAW or someone new. You need to go from needing to wanting. Needing suggests a dependency, wanting suggests a preference. You need to get yourself to this point I'm at, wanting not needing.
Now it seems from what I've read that your WAW is especially brutal in the way she disrespects you; my WAW wasn't quite so callous but then again back then when I started DBing I didn't really give her many chances to be as once I started GAL I kind of left her in the dust. My pride began to surface and it drove me. I just adopted the mindset that WAW gave up a great guy who had problems that were easily fixable. I fixed them without her and now she's going to have to chase her butt off to get me back. She's going to have to fight, and sweat, and do all the work if she wants to address R. If she doesn't want R, then I guess I'll hear from her again in 4 more years when she is suddenly compelled to contact me again LOL! It's all about confidence in yourself and it seems to me that's your major issue here.
So in your sitch, if your WAW wants to divorce you then let her. Buy her a brand new pen to sign the papers with. You're so young and like me, no kids with WAW, you have every reason to leave her in the dust and not have to communicate at all with her. Man up and tell her not to let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. (LOL don't really tell her that!) One day you will realize you need no one but yourself to create happiness, you only need someone else to share in your existing happiness and any woman who isn't drawn to it is a fool.
Chris may need a lot of things, but your WAW isn't one of them...even if every fiber of your body tells you otherwise during this delicate time for you. YOU CAN DO THIS but it starts with you getting this divorce done as soon as possible and then just erasing WAW off your white board and going NC and sticking to it. Think of it this way, I am speaking to you from 4 years into your future. Do NC as soon as possible and stick to it. It will make her miss you, see you as a capable man, and most importantly will make you a whole, happy man again! The latter of course is your main objective here.
Good luck Chris!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
D Day is upon me. I have court tomrw morning. I have been doing great GAL/NC and building myself up great over the past 2 months. I know I have been ghostly on this board, but it actually help to step away and just not think about all the WW stuff.
Of course the WW texted me this morning; "Hi, would you like to get dinner tonight?"
Me: "Are you going to tell me you do not want a divorce anymore"
WW: "I didnt have anything planned to say."
Me: "Than no, I will meet you downtown at court tomrw morning."
WW: "The only think I had for sure planed was to tell you that the OM is no longer part of my life. See u tomorrow I guess."
Me: "Heard that before."
WW: "Ok"
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Hey man! Good to hear you pop by... I could tell you maybe you could've handled the convo differently. But, you're at the D finish line right now.. so just get it done and get your space... if something is meant for the future, you'll see... I say D finish line, but it's not the end. As IH mentioned in your thread, stuff can happen years down the line.
for your sake, I hope that you get to a good place and can start something exciting and healthy with a wonderful woman in the future. You are very young and with no kids, the future is open man. As I've said previously in your thread, if I was in your situation without kids, I would've left a long time ago. I know it's not easy, but there's tons more to come for you. Don't let this hold you back.
Hope today goes well in court. Do something positive afterwards if you can.
You weren't surprised to hear from her, were you? This is her pattern, to play these little games with you. Don't fall for it again. She isn't serious, Chris. She's just playing you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yep, I was not surprised at all. And I also am not surprised she said "You wont believe me and you dont want to see me so I guess there's no point. Sorry for asking or telling you that."
Basically that is her telling herself her decision is right, because I am not willing to try. But I know the truth and so does she.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
