I forgot to respond to Vanilla... There is a history of early menopause in my family. Three years ago, at the age of 45, post hysterectomy, I did have blood work done. Both my FSH and estrogen levels were so low, I was diagnosed as post menopausal. I have been taking replacement estrogen, and have had numerous discussions regarding libido with my Ob/gyn. I finally am feeling like I am coming out of the dark in these regards! As you know, however, I'm hoping it's not too late for my M!
It is how you feel about you that counts most to me. Getting your sexy back is for you to feel great about you. To strut your stuff for the rest of your life.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Vanilla, I love your responses! Weeks ago, as I felt myself coming out of the fog, I headed to the mall with a good friend to buy new underwear! I did it mostly for myself, but was secretly hoping my H would take notice. I have had nothing but cotton Hanes for years. No longer! This may be too much info for the men, but I love wearing my new purchases. Could we count this as a part of GAL? It is so small, but seems important to me!
Vanilla, I love your responses! Weeks ago, as I felt myself coming out of the fog, I headed to the mall with a good friend to buy new underwear! I did it mostly for myself, but was secretly hoping my H would take notice. I have had nothing but cotton Hanes for years. No longer! This may be too much info for the men, but I love wearing my new purchases. Could we count this as a part of GAL? It is so small, but seems important to me!
I would definitely put the getting out and shopping in the GAL category! However, if you are wearing them for him then that is pursuit, so be careful.
Several years ago (I hope this isn't TMI) I read an article about how Hs could get their Ws to have sex more often. One of the suggestions was manscaping. So I tried it. She never even noticed. However, it did make me feel more confident so I've continued ever since.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Those who posted about this all being like a roller coaster ride weren't kidding! I'm continuing to make plans with friends, but at times all of the GAL feels so awkward and foreign. Hoping it gets better.
I have the first marriage counselor meeting this coming Tuesday. The MC wants me to invite H. I'm contemplating canceling it. I just know he is not going to go, and am afraid his refusal is going to upset me greatly.
I'll repeat my earlier advice--what you need at this stage is an individual counselor, not a marriage counselor.
I'd cancel this appointment and make an appointment for individual counseling. If you'd like to use this counselor for MC down the line, I'd find a separate counselor for IC.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Hi Rose, I know you're right. On my low days I can fall into the trap of delusion.... Knowing that H won't attend is reason enough to cancel the appointment.
I did not end up canceling my appointment, but went for individual counseling, since I am floundering.
The counselor listened a lot, with the first meeting. After hearing it all he asked me if I wanted to truly salvage my marriage. I think he could tell the amount of resentment building up is getting difficult to take.
For example, H was gone nearly all weekend with shooting related activities. Sunday he was gone with no contact for 8 hours.. apparently shooting at more than one location. It's hard to talk to him in a civil way when he returns home in cases like this. Being upbeat was out of the questions, so I took my kids for ice cream. They had been asking me where he was earlier in the day, and I had to respond with, "I'm not sure." It is so unfair to them!!
IC asked me to write a list of marriage goals, similar to what Michelle has in her DR book. In reading that section again, I feel like we are too shaky to even go there. I think the IC wants me to realize just how bad things are. He told me also to stop doing any things for him, which I already had started to do. (Feels petty to sort through the laundry and only do mine, but it secretly feels ok too.)
This is all so confusing. The past 3 weeks H has been really checked out, and these are the weeks I have been trying to limit my contact. I am starting to realize why many of the LBS's initiate the D.
Any suggestions appreciated! Any suggestions to investigate possible OW as well?
