I havent climbed outside in about 2 years, Id say IM AT ABOUT 5.8/9 right now, but i also havent gone to the gym since the vast majority of my gym efforts either, so i may be better.
Im from Northeast US. lots of good outdoor climbs here.
good luck finding your artist M!
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Hmmm... I am a bit north of the border, but not an impossible drive for a climbing excursion for a few days. Well, I need to practice first and then we might be able to plan something. I can't remember where reframe is located.
I didn't want to hijack bluwaves thread. And i am really not familiar with your story or what happened between your ex and yourself.
My use of the word "bad" is pretty simplified. And it makes me think of how we tell our kids, "you are not bad. Your behavior is"
Maybe a better word is sh!tty. As in "my ex is a pretty sh!tty" person. And i am not gonna sit their and come up with explanations for it like foo issues, or maybe he was dropped on his head. Because it doesn't matter.
I think a person capable of lying, betraying, cheating, stealing to/from their own family has to be sh!tty. These actions are pretty black and white no? It's not like there is a gray moral ethical issue they are forced to make a decision about like "hey I'm gonna steal some bread so my kid can eat" .
It's not like they are inflicting trauma on enemies or opponents. They are pulling this sh!t on their family!!!!! That's the ultimate crime.
They made hard core decisions to expose their partners to stds, spend family money on drugs, maybe some lesser core decisions of inflicting some of the worst emotional trauma onto the person that devoted their life to them, humiliate their own flesh....etc, etc.
They are sh!t at the core. I really feel like that.
[quote=JujuB It's not like they are inflicting trauma on enemies or opponents. They are pulling this sh!t on their family!!!!! That's the ultimate crime.
They made hard core decisions to expose their partners to stds, spend family money on drugs, maybe some lesser core decisions of inflicting some of the worst emotional trauma onto the person that devoted their life to them, humiliate their own flesh....etc, etc.
They are sh!t at the core. I really feel like that. [/quote]
Thank you. Another one for the motivation board.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Yeh, my story isn't anything unique. W dropped BD after 10 years of marriage. No prior discussion with me about what her problems were and what she was feeling. There were maybe some subtle hints, but I'd have to do some mental gymnastics or be a telepath to have figured out what she was thinking. We bought a new house, everything was getting settled and I felt stable for our kids and us, and she blew everything to smithereens. We sold the house, moved into our own places, and she said that this 'separation is permanent' when I temp checked her because I was tired of living in ambiguity. She pulled some cake-eating on me and I allowed it because I was in a panic and I hadn't come to DB yet. It's ten months now and no signs of any change on her part. I highly doubt that will change and we are heading to divorce land. Kids are heavily impacted, and obviously I was devastated and left to pick up the pieces of this.
So, I am by no means a WW/WH/WAS apologist. I have strong remnants of anger that I am processing through a slow burn.
I appreciate your clarification about them being $hitty people rather than bad. Anyways, semantics don't matter here now because your point is well taken and I fully co-sign it and agree with it.
Yeh there were x, y, and z reasons for whatever they did, but I am not wholly sympathetic with it because most of us have x, y, z that we're dealing with and don't allow those reasons to blow $hit up. I guess the point that you're making circles the idea that there were other choices, which they didn't take or seriously consider or actually put all the work in it.
I agree with 25's assessment in Blu's thread that Blu's situation is the best case scenario, and that is not a credit to DBing because Blu has admitted over and over again that she was a crappy DBer for a long time. There has to be a genuine change in the other person and that they value the family enough to work through this stuff and actually build something stronger.
Like many here, I was all game for building something stronger together. I admitted my faults - which were not separation or BD worthy by a long shot - and took active steps to address them, and still doing it. They didn't.
So yeh, they're $hitty people and now we're left to deal with this mess.
And let's not forget the supreme mental energy required on their part when they set up a double life (otherwise known as tripod) existence. That takes some doing.
Me 55, W 50 D 8 M 20 T 27 MIL w/ us BD 01/02/17 workplace A (12/09/16, EA -> PA) OM senior manager, long term W, child 14 now: limbo (my choice)
"Don't care what you may do, we got that attitude!" - Bad Brains
