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A Message from Michele
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Holy cow! It's Tad... #2781081
03/08/18 03:29 PM
03/08/18 03:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
T
tadpole1025 Offline OP
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tadpole1025  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
Hello everyone. I suspect many on here do not know me because there are so many newbies and I've been gone a while. I've been gone too long actually. (Had a hard time remembering my username...password...haha!)

I got the bomb drop in October of 2010. I first came here in January 2011 (I think.) I lurked a while before finally posting. My sitch was pretty ugly and I was in a bad place for a very long time. I won't go into details. You can look up my old posts if you want to. (I would post links, but to be honest, I can't remember how to do it.)

I don't even really know why I'm back. Just wanted to give an update I guess.

You know, I've always had these fantasies about what I would say and how I would act if XW ever tried to be nice and have a conversation with me. I've played it over and over in my head so many times. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I had the chance. Although, it didn't go the way that I had played it out in my head. I have not spoken or even seen XW in close to three years. My son plays in a band and a couple of weeks ago, I went to his show and XW went as well. Not sure if this is normal MLC stuff, but she seemed a little like her old self again. I'm standing there having a drink, and talking to one of my sons. Right out of the blue, she addresses me by name and asks me a question about one of our sons. It was a yes or no question and that's what I gave her for an answer....one word. Later, she interrupted a conversation I was having with my son...TWICE. I was polite but probably came off a little cold. She even made it a point to tell me goodbye. ?????

I'll admit, the whole thing kind of threw me for a loop. My oldest son says that she just wants polite conversation and to be civil. She wants what her sister has with one of her ex husbands. I'll admit that being polite is probably the best, but what gives her the right to just come up and talk to me? What makes her think that I would want to talk to her? I want no friendship. Friends don't do what she did. I could care less if I ever see her again. After cheating on me, telling lies, turning her family against me, turning my life upside down, leaving me in financial ruin....I'm supposed to be polite and friendly just because that is what she wants? I think next time, I may just walk away. I'll admit, I was polite but...it really bugged me a lot. I'd love to hear from some of the vets on this. (Am I considered a vet now? Haha.)

As for me, I've done a lot of work on myself (although it took a long time to get going.) I have a lady friend that I do things with once or twice a week. Nothing romantic...I've decided that I don't want a relationship...not even with her even though she is pretty cool. She knows it too. I actually enjoy being single. Maybe I'll fall in love some day, but if it never happens, I'm cool with it. Being single has given me lots of time to enjoy things that I never could enjoy before. I've become passionate about a few things and a few beliefs. I love who I've become. I've always had a love for birds and sea life. Now I have time to actually enjoy them. I've picked up photography as a hobby and try to get out a couple of times a month to take some shots. I have a great job that I enjoy and am finally making enough money to pay bills. I even donate to a few animal organizations and homeless organizations when I can.

I've received a few job offers to return to the radio. (I was a disc jockey for 23 years.) Many would kill for that chance, but you know what? I turned them down because I like my life JUST. THE. WAY. IT. IS.

9 months ago, I had a heart attack and had a major blockage in the "widow maker" artery. They gave me a stent and diagnosed me with Diabetes. I take a boat load (or poop load...not sure which is more) of medications and take Insulin shots every day. It [censored], but I'm alive. Doctors said I was very lucky.

I've quit smoking and have joined a gym. I try to work out at least three days a week.

Overall, I'm good. I'm VERY good. I'm enjoying my SINGLE LIFE. For the newbies, keep going. It get's better. And, keep posting. There are many on this board that have been right where you are and have made it to the other side. This board got me through some very dark times. I'm finally where I want to be...finally where I never thought I'd get. Keep going and keep looking up. Maybe you'll see an eagle.

smile

Tad


Currently:
M 52 XW 52
Sons 33,28,26,24

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: tadpole1025] #2781082
03/08/18 04:26 PM
03/08/18 04:26 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Hey Tad!!!!

I’m so happy to read about your update and new life. I can tell by the tone that you’re much more happier than I’ve “seen” you in a looong time. What a wonderful hobby you’ve picked up that gets you out of the house exploring the world out there. It looks like you’ve really pushed yourself out of your comfort zone with this lady friend even if it is strictly platonic. Remember the saying around here ‘baby steps’—love just may strike you from nowhere like a thunderbolt! laugh

Keep going, buddy. You’ve come so far in your journey of healing and discovering happiness once again.

Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: Wonka] #2781084
03/08/18 05:51 PM
03/08/18 05:51 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
T
tadpole1025 Offline OP
Member
tadpole1025  Offline OP
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T
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
smile

Thanks Wonka!

You were a big part of my journey. So many on this board were. It was a very painful road, but well worth it. My biggest regret is the fact that I was "stuck" for so long. There were many times that I would come to this board because I had no place to go and I'd wonder how in the world I was going to go on without her. Looking back, it seems like a different lifetime...a different lifetime that was being lived by someone else. That person is no longer who I am today. THIS person is a much stronger person. Take care!

Tad


Currently:
M 52 XW 52
Sons 33,28,26,24

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: tadpole1025] #2781097
03/08/18 11:46 PM
03/08/18 11:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,664
Southern Maryland
job Offline

Member
job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,664
Southern Maryland
Tad,

I am so glad that you came back to give us an update. You've come a long way and I am so proud of all that you've accomplished. Keep up the good work!

Here is the link to your previous thread. If you want me to merge them, I will be happy to do so.

I Almost Died

Last edited by job; 03/09/18 12:02 AM. Reason: added link to previous thread
Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: tadpole1025] #2781111
03/09/18 01:10 AM
03/09/18 01:10 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,939
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,939
Massachusetts
Originally Posted By: tadpole1025
Keep going and keep looking up. Maybe you'll see an eagle.

smile

Tad


Hi Tad and welcome back! I'm so happy for you, that you've found your way and have re-built a wonderful life for yourself. Well done!!!

Posting because last night I happened to look up on my way to the car and saw a bald eagle flying towards me. Completely unexpected and very, very cool. In that moment I knew I'd be ok. Of course this morning I forgot about that until I read your post. Thank you! xoxoxoxo Stay in touch!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: bttrfly] #2781148
03/09/18 03:29 AM
03/09/18 03:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
T
tadpole1025 Offline OP
Member
tadpole1025  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
Thank you job and bttrfly. I appreciate the responses. Life really is good now. Again, I enjoy my freedom. I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like if my marriage would have been saved, but....you don't have to save your marriage to be considered a success.

Job, I'd like to keep the threads separate unless you think they should be merged.

Tad


Currently:
M 52 XW 52
Sons 33,28,26,24

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: tadpole1025] #2781161
03/09/18 04:57 AM
03/09/18 04:57 AM
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 774
E
exquisitetobe Offline
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exquisitetobe  Offline
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E
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 774
Holy cow!! Well said!! smile

It was my reaction the minute i saw your name.

I am very happy to see how your interaction with ex-w went. I would be lying if i would say that i wasn't worried about it. Way to go Tad!! smile

My lunch is over but i will definitely be a follower of yours!

Welcome back !!

Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: exquisitetobe] #2781176
03/09/18 06:44 AM
03/09/18 06:44 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline
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Sotto  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Hi Tad, I'm so glad to read that you're doing well and there are still a number of folks knocking around here who know you!

Must have felt weird interacting with your XW as you describe. I haven't seen my XH in a few years and I have no idea how well I would cope seeing him. Personally, I think civil and polite is the way to go - partly because you have kids together - partly because anything other than that may seem reactive and attached (and I wouldn't want to give the satisfaction of that) and partly because in time we need to release things and truly move on - for ourselves..

Pleased you still have a nice friendship with your lady friend and are looking after your health and enjoying new activities. Good for you!

I hope you'll drop in from time to time as I'm sure you have much to offer others too.

Best wishes to you :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: Sotto] #2781242
03/10/18 04:33 AM
03/10/18 04:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
T
tadpole1025 Offline OP
Member
tadpole1025  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,285
Phoenix, AZ
Thanks for responding exquisitetobe and Sotto.

It was weird seeing the XW. The only really upsetting part was the fact that she was nice and cordial like nothing even happened. It bugged me for a few days, but I'm over it. I want nothing to do with her. Period.

Quote:
I hope you'll drop in from time to time as I'm sure you have much to offer others too.


Hahaha! I'm not so sure about that. Looking back, I think I did a lot of things wrong.

smile

Tad


Currently:
M 52 XW 52
Sons 33,28,26,24

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Re: Holy cow! It's Tad... [Re: tadpole1025] #2781268
03/10/18 10:46 AM
03/10/18 10:46 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,664
Southern Maryland
job Offline

Member
job  Offline

Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,664
Southern Maryland
Tad,

You may have done a lot of things wrong...but you learned from those mistakes and have grown by leaps and bounds. Posters can learn a lot from your experiences...never doubt that. Each person has something to offer and you just never know how many you may help.

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