You might be right it won't work out. You have to get out of her way and make yourself the better option. When you start to become a person only a fool would leave you will start to confuse her. As long as you chase and stay in her way she can't think and have a chance to miss you.
Once you start to pull away she will have no choice but to see your changes. As long as you are chasing her you are pushing her away.
Remember the rubber band. As long as you chase her that rubber band stays lose, but the moment you start going in the other direction you start to create tension and she will have to snap back in your direction.
People arent perfect and sometimes gives in to their flesh. The flesh is weak. Start working on yourself and she will notice even if she dont tell you. Also when you pull back and stop chasing you can see the Sitch logically. You might find alot about your W you don't like. You also won't be worried about her other relationship lasting or not.
Romans 12:19, revenge belong too the Lord and not us. If you are Christian then I hope that verse can help you move forward. It helped me.
Try your hardest to feed the good wokf throughout this process. It will be hard but the more positive you are, the stronger you look. Don't don't anything that interferes with her other relationship it makes you look weak. You want to always look strong and confident.
I prayed a lot. I went too church and I start to feel the Lord's grace taking over My life. It felt amazing. I start to see all I had done wrong and I also knew exactly where I need to work on myself. Self reflection made me a stronger man.
Onward and forward
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
You might be right it won't work out. You have to get out of her way and make yourself the better option. When you start to become a person only a fool would leave you will start to confuse her. As long as you chase and stay in her way she can't think and have a chance to miss you.
I completely agree. I'm continuing to GAL and work on my 180s. I'm still working with therapist and a DB Coach.
Once you start to pull away she will have no choice but to see your changes. As long as you are chasing her you are pushing her away.
I started pulling away almost a month ago now. I don't initiate conversation with her and I keep it brief.
Remember the rubber band. As long as you chase her that rubber band stays lose, but the moment you start going in the other direction you start to create tension and she will have to snap back in your direction.
People arent perfect and sometimes gives in to their flesh. The flesh is weak. Start working on yourself and she will notice even if she dont tell you. Also when you pull back and stop chasing you can see the Sitch logically. You might find alot about your W you don't like. You also won't be worried about her other relationship lasting or not.
This is very true. I understand we are human and have weaknesses, etc. And who knows, I may completely change the way I think about my WW.
Romans 12:19, revenge belong too the Lord and not us. If you are Christian then I hope that verse can help you move forward. It helped me.
I am not religious, but I don't believe in revenge or petty acts. I have forgiven everyone in my life who has ever wronged me and this is no different. I don't lead a life of harboring resentment or hatred because it's not a healthy way to live.
Try your hardest to feed the good wokf throughout this process. It will be hard but the more positive you are, the stronger you look. Don't don't anything that interferes with her other relationship it makes you look weak. You want to always look strong and confident.
I completely agree, I would never do anything that interferes with her other relationship. I don't want to appear weak because I am not weak. I've been feeding the good a lot throughout this process and I have my family and friends thank for a lot of it. They've been incredibly supportive of my journey.
I prayed a lot. I went too church and I start to feel the Lord's grace taking over My life. It felt amazing. I start to see all I had done wrong and I also knew exactly where I need to work on myself. Self reflection made me a stronger man.
Self-reflection has indeed helped me become a better, stronger man. It has allowed me to acknowledge things about myself I didn't particularly like and wanted to change.
Onward and forward
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
I've been wondering if it would be wise to confront her after the divorce is final. What I mean is, ask her after we leave the courthouse if she has anything to tell me about the circumstances of our divorce. If she plays dumb, I'll tell her I know about OM and everything. I wouldn't reveal specific details, but just let her know I'm aware of what's going on.
Any advice?
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
I've been wondering if it would be wise to confront her after the divorce is final. What I mean is, ask her after we leave the courthouse if she has anything to tell me about the circumstances of our divorce. If she plays dumb, I'll tell her I know about OM and everything. I wouldn't reveal specific details, but just let her know I'm aware of what's going on.
If you want to let her know, why wait until after the D? What are your goals with doing that after the D? What are you trying to achieve? What do you want her to say? I think if you want to show her a person only a fool would leave, tell her before or don't tell her at all. Let her see you walk out of the court room with your head held high and chest open, the back of your head and body leaving her life 4 ever as a S will be the last thing she see from you on that day, don't look back.
If you try to initiate a convo about an A, after D it will make you look weak. IMO.
If it were me, I would let her know before the D and tell her if that's what she wants than you wont stand in the way of her happiness and move on. That convo will only suck you into a convo that will reveal answers you probably don't want to hear. And will having you asking questions that make you look like you are still pursuing her.
Onward and forward
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
the fact I will be filing for divorce ASAP to minimize any potential loss of property, etc.
Have you discussed this with a lawyer? Is there a reason you are pushing so hard for a divorce?
In my opinion, these kinds of affairs are like being gravely ill. There are chemical issues in your W's head related to the feelings of love brought about by OM. Would you divorce her if she were sick? or in a coma?
I dont mean to imply that she is blameless here. Or that she is acting outside of her free will. Im asking that you consider what marriage as an institution means to you. What does divorce gain for you? Are there other ways to achieve the security financially that you need?
Have you read DR? How much have you considered the pitfalls of divorce?
I've read DR and have been working with a DB coach. The pitfalls of divorce are truly awful and it isn't something I want, but I feel to protect myself and my son it might be my best option.
I would never divorce her if she was sick, etc. and I understand her feelings are likely brought on by her being unhappy in the marriage for the last several months.
I take marriage more seriously than anything in this world. I really don't want a divorce, but I'm unsure of what to do. Initially I was told to not confront her about it, but now I'm receiving conflicting information. I like the idea more of telling her before the divorce so she can think about things and if it's the direction she really wants to go. At this point, I'm not sure there's anything she can say that I don't want to hear. She told me when she dropped the bomb she didn't want kids with me because she's afraid they won't look like her. Also, because I have a kid already the experience wouldn't be special. I argued both points, but it was fruitless.
I have a coaching session tonight with my DB coach, I'll be sure to bring this up to them.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
I had a very insightful coaching session last night. I've come to the conclusion of not confronting my wife about the affair. Instead, I'm going to carry on and keep doing what I'm doing. My wife came by my house yesterday while I was at work with her parents and took all of her remaining items...and if I'm being honest it felt sort of liberating. There are no more physical reminders of her in the house anymore. It's my own space again.
I did some more investigating and it looks like my wife is moving full steam ahead on filing for the divorce. I'm not going to let it slow me down in my journey and I also feel like it will be liberating, despite being painful.
I did let my coach know that at this point in time I would be open to reconciliation with my wife, despite knowing it's a bumpy road to recovery. The coach told me these things do take time so patience is key. They also broke down the various stages of an affair, the high obtained from having one, and how the bubble eventually bursts and they come back down to Earth. At that point, one of two things happen - they realize they had someone good and try to win them back, or, they are generally too ashamed to go back and they move forward.
So, as joejoe says, "Onward and forward"!
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
Sounds like you are in a better place today. Also, don't hide from the pain. The only way to heal is to feel the pain. Let it out in however way you let grief and anguish out. Holding in the pain will not do you any good.
I let out my pain out over the course of a few weeks. Now I can't cry even if I want to.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sounds like you are in a better place today. Also, don't hide from the pain. The only way to heal is to feel the pain. Let it out in however way you let grief and anguish out. Holding in the pain will not do you any good.
I let out my pain out over the course of a few weeks. Now I can't cry even if I want to.
Yeah, I definitely am feeling the pain. It hurts, I acknowledge the emotion and embrace it. I'm not one to harbor my emotions as I know it's not good for me.
I am in a much better place now than I've been in these last almost 2 months, much of that comes from acknowledging and accepting what happened.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
