If the kids see that your in-person interactions aren't going well and you are sure it is bad for them, tell her written communication from now on. A simple boundary to protect the kids.
M:46 WXW:40 T:20 M:13 D3,D8,D10 BD:11/12/16 D:12/14/16 OM confirmed 01/20/17
So, I am thinking of doing the course and also suggesting it to her to do it. Does that classify as pursuing?
Definitely not pursuing, it's for the kids.
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But, I don't know if this will flame the situation further.
I can't imagine it would, and if it does that says more about her than you.
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She had after BD mentioned doing a communication or co-parenting counseling, but never followed up on it.
There's your "in" right there. Tell her that you are following up on her comment that it would be helpful and that you found this class. Tell her you are going to do it and send her the info, but don't invite her to take it or ask her if she's taking it. Leave that up to her.
Michele says in one of her books that while asking out the WAS is pursuit, "inviting" them along to something you are ALREADY doing is not. IE, if you're going to a theme park with the kids you can say "hey we are going to WAS-Land (wouldn't that be a fun theme park, kind of like visiting an asylum ) on Sunday, you are welcome to join if you wish. Then if she says no, you go anyway. And post pics on FB of the great time you had
Why is she angry? well, the short of it is that she thinks that I Am the cause of all her unhappiness and that I held her back and I didn't care etc etc. Sorry, I don't mean to diminish legitimate parts of her anger, but she thinks it's all my fault. I obviously don't agree with that.
The in-person interaction isn't serious or to discuss anything. I see her at kids extra-curricular stuff on the weekends. I choose to be there for my kids and so I have to interact with her, even if it's just basic hi and hello. She's had a hard time doing even that the last few times - but this was specifically related to me standing my ground and not rolling over to her demands. I just reiterated what we had agreed upon and she twisted it around by saying that she interpreted it differently. But, she didn't get her way and so she was pissed - which just added to the giant flame ball of anger that she's already carrying around.
I do most things written, but basic civil and cordial behaviour when I see her in-person. She couldn't manage that the last few times and so she needs to handle her emotions better in front of the kids.
Btw, just following the xfit open workouts and it's bananas lol. hope you're making out alright.
I've RX'd all the workouts, but WOW it's been tough this year! The one last week had so much packed into it and then they throw a 9 minute cap on it, it's like SERIOUSLY GUYS??? This week is the last one and I won't be sorry to see it go, LOL! Last year they saved the longest cap for last, it was 40 minutes. So I suspect they'll do the same this year since all the other ones have been relatively short.
After a lot of progression work I finally did my first bar muscle-up a couple of weeks ago! That's kind of a rite of passage in our box Once I got that first one the light bulb went off and I do them before and/or after every workout now!
Last time she just avoided me in the public place for as long as possible and then she barely managed to say hi with a glare of death.
Dude...my W did the same crap about 1.5 months after BD when I was feeling weak and lacked confidence. She sat there on the edge of a swimming pool taking selfies acting like she was soo much better than me. Showing off to her friends. So I can relate.
It sounds like you handled it much better than I did!
The interesting thing about your W is that she did not start off angry. You guys went out, she was inviting you over for dinner, hanging out etc. Mine was angry and has now started to warm up....yours was being nice to you and is now off the rails.
AS - wow!! Sounds like you've progressed quite a bit. The bar muscle up is definitely quite an achievement. Some of those xfit folks make it look so easy lol. Keep it up! Hopefully I'll be there with you in next year's open.
J9 - Her anger has never really let up since BD and doing NC and giving her space has been good for me cuz I don't need that in my face. But the recent angry responses and silent treatments have been due to me standing up for myself and not letting her push me around on stuff we had agreed upon. She forgot and misinterpreted our agreement and I showed it to her, which she didn't like. But I didn't care because I am not going to be pushed around.
I was cordial and pleasant about it but didn't take crap from her. So, she just lumped her anger about that with everything else. Also seems that she's maybe feeling some loss with the kids being away 50% of the time. Don't know how true it is, but I think some losses are coming to the forefront. I think maybe her fantasy is slowly getting punctured now.
I am doing great and still an ex-smoker Working out and climbing and now slowly adding more things to the mix, which is great.
Congrats on still being an ex-smoker, brother. I wish I could say the same. I will get there slowly.
As far as her anger, you just have to roll with the punches and realize that it isn't you.
xW used to do that to me when she didn't get her way, and I excplicitly called her out on it. "You know, I am just going to point out that you only get mad at me when you don't get your way. I don't do that to you, and I will continue to stand my ground. You can either get mad and throw a fit when you don't get what you want, or we can work together as adults"
Her behavior has since changed when she doesn't get her way.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Hey JM!!! Good to see you pop by. hopefully things are going well for you.
Yeah, her anger is all about her and I am not going to stop being assertive and standing up for myself and holding the line to things we agreed upon.
Her texts have improved since I just didn't react to her nonsense. She was baiting me into a fight and I just didn't engage. It's amazing how you can now see when they are being passive aggressive and just trying to get you in a fight.
My non-engagement with all that bull$hit probably sent a message that I won't entertain all of that. Also, I don't need that headache and I have moved on mentally and I truly don't give a crap about how she deals with all of this and reacts to stuff. I got way more awesome stuff to deal with in my life and time is running fast.
I am in a good place mentally and emotionally. Something changed within me and I am feeling way better, calmer, and looking forward to all that life has to offer and going after what I want. She's not in the future picture and I am okay with that.
I am in a good place mentally and emotionally. Something changed within me and I am feeling way better, calmer, and looking forward to all that life has to offer and going after what I want. She's not in the future picture and I am okay with that.
) on Sunday, you are welcome to join if you wish. Then if she says no, you go anyway. And post pics on FB of the great time you had 
Once I got that first one the light bulb went off and I do them before and/or after every workout now!